Am I a horrible person?

OP, I don't think you're a horrible person...if these men hadn't been sleeping with you they'd have found someone else to sleep with.

I think ....and I say this a lot....you need to ask yourself why you felt the need to come on here and subject yourself to loads of negative comments. If you've spent any time on here at all, you'd have known the response you'd get.

No-one else gets to decide whether you're a good person. Someone saying 'Yes you're a horrible person' shows a lack of reasoned thinking because there are just too many variables. We're all a mixture of 'good' and 'bad' and we cannot predict how our actions might affect others over time. What about the person is so 'good' that they end up seriously ill (because that's a thing - see Gabor Mate for details) and dying? Their good behaviour then wrecks the lives of their family.

However, if you don't follow your own moral code then you'll feel bad about yourself and that will be detrimental to your mental health. I do believe in doing the right thing whether or not someone is watching.

You might not be a horrible person overall but this aspect of your behaviour is. That said, if you stop it immediately it's over snd you can be better.

OP, you MAY be a horrible person, but we don't have enough information about these relationships.
Were you aware of them having partners when the relationship begin ? Did they give you false promises ? The devil is in the details.
If you were aware of that, then, by all means, you are horrible and unkind. However, if they manipulated you, then you are just unlucky.

OP, you're not a horrible person. You're not a "bad" person. You have different sides and aspects to you, like everyone else. You'd identified this thing about yourself that you feel uncomfortable with now. I think it's a really good thing that you want to explore why it's been a pattern for you. Would you get some talking therapy to work through it? You don't ever have to have a relationship with a taken man ever again. Changing our behaviour when we realise it's wrong (or when it really hits us that it's wrong - you probably knew it wasn't great when you did it but things don't always fully hit us) is a really great thing to do.

Have you got some good friends you can talk to about this stuff, that you can really be honest and yourself around?

I don’t think you need to know now what you want, but I think you do need to figure out who you really are.

I get the “one who’s been strong forever” thing. It sucks, cos sometimes you just want someone to recognise you need a bit of help or a cuddle or for them to make a decision instead of you.

You’ll be ok. And you’re not horrible.

You don’t want to be a horrible person? Stay single until the therapy has worked its magic. Wives everywhere will thank you.

Yeah you’re an awful person.

You sound vulnerable, and alone, and perhaps a bit confused. The fact that you’re questioning your choices says that you know those choices were wrong. I don’t think this makes you a horrible person.

You’re still young at 38. You have SO much time to find someone who’s worth it. Stop dating, stop getting into FWB situations, and start working out what you like and who you are.

But please please don’t get into another married man situation.

All that - but it was the OW who made the decision to text the OP. She is fully to blame for that cruel decision.

I don’t think you can call it a FWB arrangement though, as that usually implies both parties are free and single!! Kindly, get some therapy, as others have said.

Very few people are entirely 'horrible'.

The behavior of facilitating betrayal and deception of other women disturbs me though.

I mostly don't have much of a problem with the kind of other woman who wants the guy to leave and marry her instead. That's breaking up a home but it's her own chance at happiness against that of someone she's never met, and for all she knows the relationship was doomed anyway.

But you don't even want that, you're just helping destroy it for someone else.

Well the affairs were horrible behaviour OP. That's for sure.

Are you really only questioning this now?

I mean I guess it was them that cheated and not you but let me tell you that my ex H repeatedly cheated on me throughout our long marriage and eventually left for one of his OW. It's completely destroyed me, my life and my children.

I don't trust people and I can't feel joy. And that's years down the line. My kids have issues that I'm not discussing on here as a result of the affair/s.

So maybe you didn't get caught out, but do think about that and your part in what you've done.

I don't think anyone can deny that the men in these situations are most definitely more to blame and more horrible but with a statement like "I only ever like taken men" I must admit I do think you are a horrible person OP! If you didn't know the men's backgrounds it would be different but actively admitting you persue taken men is awful!

You are not nice.

Just hope your DS never finds out.

To be fair, it's her husband who's blown up her world. The other woman obviously shouldn't have been sleeping with her husband but it's her husband who made promises to her and who got her pregnant twice. He's the one to blame. That's not to excuse the other woman but the blame firmly lies with the husband here.

You've never had a good relationship, but you're contributing to others misery by sleeping with married men. Agree with others that you need some therapy.

This is the thread about a lady who is just about to give birth. Her husband’s mistress has just blown up her entire world.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1

You must instinctively know that what you do is wrong.
Find men who don’t want to commit and leave the taken ones alone.

Yeah you're a shithouse. Who openly admits they only get excited over taken men. I know it's them who are cheating, not you, but that doesnt make it right.

Read the recent thread by the pregnant woman who's just had a bomb throw at her life and reflect on why you are that bomb.

Sadly OP you are NOT a good person you are a ticking time bomb who has the potential to ruin other people's lives. And children's lives. Why would you do that?

Maybe try and get some counselling as to why you choose such unavailable and vile men.

It makes you a selfish person no matter what your reason is.

Do you like the ego boost of them jeopardising their relationships to be with you? I’ve known two women who operated like that, both lonely and pretty sad.

I think it is horrible behaviour. Cannot stand women like you.