Husband attended year end function without me even though I was invited

But it is not a snap shot. It is a on going situation where this man has been abusive to her since the moment she fell pregnant. Threatens to financially ruin her, take her child, and destroy her career if she leaves him.

So yes, she should listen to all the "your marriage is over" posts.
She should have listened weeks ago

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5193860-father-not-helping-with-baby

I can't help but think he's either trying to appear as if his marriage is in trouble or over as a way of attracting someone or he's already with someone else. He's also sexist and a massive prick, you deserve better.

Like another person I have read your other recent thread. This is serious and you need to bee careful, keep your head down for now whilst you take advice. Some of the things he has said are nonsense.

1. He cannot stop you having some access to your baby.
2. He will have to contribute some money to the care of the baby. Is there any danger that he would take the baby out of the country? You need to have passports for yourself and baby that you stash with a friend. That should stop him applying for one for the baby. You need to have copies of the accounts somewhere else that he cannot get hold of. Other wise if there is a court case/divorce he will plead poverty. Have records of his spending compared to yours.

@NumbMother based on what you have said on this thread and your previous thread, DH has, for some time now, been showing you how he feels about you. It’s time to believe him.

Op, firstly, don’t listen to all the “he’s having an affair” and “your marriage is over”
comments. We only have a brief snapshot into the situation and some people think they’re psychic enough to know the full story of your relationship 🤦🏻‍♀️

Yes you’re right to be hurt, it IS very hurtful. But it also doesn’t mean that he’s having an affair.
Of course it’s a possibility, but you don’t need a load of faceless keyboard warriors shoving that down your throat.
There could be a million other reasons. Perhaps he just feels more at ease without you there. Perhaps he just enjoys mixing with work colleagues solo. Maybe one time while drunk, you said something that embarrassed him?
lots of possibilities.
Just Talk to him. Lay out all your concerns. Tell him it’s hurtful. You need to have a sensible discussion about it

he just said it is unnecessary to make alternative arrangements and that this is what a mother should do, stay at home with the baby.

I'd be absolutely furious with this comment alone.

There's probably someone there he's at least got his eye on.

I'd be feeling like he doesn't respect me, doesn't enjoy spending time with me and doesn't see me as an equal. He has lied to you to keep you away from a social function, none of the possible reasons why are good.

He sounds like a sexist, controlling prick.

At the very least it shows he doesn't want to hang out with you. He's not enjoying your company, even if it's not because he wants to enjoy someone else's company.

Although I'd think he was at least flirting with someone to not want you there.

And such a rude response.

Just no need for that was there?
Does it make you feel good to be so hurtful and cruel?

1. There is a reason he wanted to go alone without you- and he came very late. Sorry to say, but I think he intended to sleep with a female co-worker. Maybe they don't even know he's married.
2. Two, saying you should stay home and not even have a night off, because you're a woman is INCREDIBLY sexist. He is a misogynist chauvinist pig. He really is.

I honest to god would tell him the marriage is over (since he wants to act the bachelor life with a maid/babysitter at home) and see what he says. That he dares give you the silent treatment, when he is the one who done wrong, is galling. Although, The Script shows that cheating men will give their wives the silent treatment the next day as a way to justify (to themselves) their actions.

I'm so sorry you are going through this with such an awful man.

I think you need a therapist/counsellor who will help you realise what kind of abusive relationship you are actually in. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that an independent person will validate your feelings and then an organisation like Women's Aid will help you navigate your way to leaving.

I do realise that your job is important to you, but honestly your skills MUST be transferable somewhere. You say he has control over your work because of his connections, but try it out and see first. You could be very surprised and many of his so called "colleagues" may already know what a twat he really is anyway.

The big question is really - are you prepared to live differently (in a financial sense) for a while for the prize of your health and well being? It will be tough at first, but the freedom and the pleasure of not being reliant on him, together with being able to sleep well at night would be well worth it.

Seek outside help. Other posters will know exactly where to find that.

he just said it is unnecessary to make alternative arrangements and that this is what a mother should do, stay at home with the baby.

WTAF am I reading???!!! He is a misogynistic git and that's the polite version. Why on earth are you with him and him stating this kind of crap to you???!!!!

Bottom line is that he wanted to go without you.
And you have to wonder why.
He isn't necessarily having g an affair but it's not a healthy reflection on your relationship if he just prefers it when you're not there.

I'd be less concerned about exercising my 'right' to be there, and far more concerned with why my husband was determined to exclude me. If he genuinely believes your place is permanently at home with your baby, this is a huge issue. Does he say that whenever you go out? If on the other hand he is using that as an excuse, then I'd be wondering whether he either wanted to hide something from me, or hide me from them. You need to identify what's going on because this sounds like a symptom of something more concerning than missing this event.

Wow, what a selfish, lying, sexist pig you're married to. I'd be very suspicious about his behaviour - the starting arguments, coming home late, turning off his phone, not inviting you to events.

Has he always been like this, or is it just since you've had the baby? He's either up to no good, or he has started showing his misogynistic side since you've become a mother. If he refuses to change then I'd be seriously considering if I could stay in the relationship.

He causes a row before he goes out so that he can tell the other woman how unreasonable you are. Sorry this is happening.

It would be a deal breaker for me too. He starts arguments before he leaves the house for these meetings and comes home late. That suggests an affair. He made an arbitrary decision about OP staying at home with the baby and lied to her about wives attending the function. He came home drunk and an hour after the function ended when the venue is only ten minutes away. He’s a sexist pig who wants his wife ‘in her place’ at home with the baby while he does as he likes. I’d be getting my ducks well and truly in a row.

What a horrible man. I wouldn't be hurt. I'd be furious. The sexism, the sulking, the suspicion I wouldn't be able to avoid that he was actually shagging someone else....

On its own it's quite thoughtless but the fact that he actively lied and said you weren't invited and the fact that he starts an argument every time he goes to a committee meeting and then comes home two hours late has red flags waving all over.

At the very least he's become contemptuous and disrespectful towards you. I once had a boyfriend who'd "forget" to tell me about events we were both invited to. I felt like I was useful for sharing the boring bits of life and sex but when he was going out to have fun he couldn't be arsed with having me tag along. But in your case the lying and the other stuff makes it look so much worse.

My ExDH did this to me with a works Xmas party. Told me I couldn’t go that year as his work bestie didn’t want to take his DW (who I was friends with) and it would be too awkward if I went along and she couldn’t .

At a dinner party with the couple above (after the event) she said in front of both of them how she’d missed going to the Xmas party and thought it was unfair that just be MY ExDH didn’t want me to go she had missed out….he didn’t say anything at the time to dismiss her saying this, but later told me she was lying.

Yeaaarrrs later I come to find out it was him who didn’t want me there as he fancied a colleague and thought he may get somewhere with her….

Basically his change in behaviour is worrying OP, there will be a reason behind his lies…

So you are in a really ugly abusive relationship.

He starts a row so he can ignore you?
Absolutely deliberate and premeditated.

I would think he is being unfaithful or doing drugs.
He certainly no longer loves or cares for you.
He is controlling and a liar.

Have you family?
Tell them the truth.
I would take it your marriage is over and this behaviour is not in isolation.

How else does he treat you?
Does he do his fair share in the house and with baby?
How is he with money?

You need to wipe your tears and start planning because this is not a good man.

Tell family and friends the truth.
I am so sorry.

Either he is up to something OR he doesn't want to spend time with you or possibly both, either way its not good

An aside to your question/issue I am surprised in 2024 there are still committees of men who get invited to dinners where they 'bring wife'- sounds like the life my grandparents lived.
I've worked 20+ years in IT companies, colleagues have always been both men and women. Any work events do not bring '+1' plenty colleagues there mix with each other, an awards dinner fill the table with people from the company.

Fuck this pig and all the others who behave like him.

I think you have a much bigger problem than your husband not wanting you to attend a party.