to not let neighbour use my shower!

It's about where those boundaries are though isn't it? Some people need more boundaries.

But people who think letter a neighbour use your shower is too much are not those people.

Having boundaries isn't being obsessed with boundaries - based on some of the 'how do I say no?' posts on MN, more folk need them.

Just let them use my bath mat.

Honestly the world has gone bonkers. Being a decent person costs s bit. Yes, it's mildly inconvenient. Kindness "costs" or else it's not kindness.

People have become so obsessed with themselves and their rights and boundaries... what an awful way to live. This thread made me so grateful I have at least 4 sets of neighbours I could easily ask if shower broke down.

I am just wondering if all these people happy to let someone they don’t know very well to use their shower would be happy to let the person use their bath mat or would they ask them to bring their own?

I don't believe people poo in the shower as many say in this. And I think people are more careful with how they behave in others houses. I wouldn't even factor this risk in!

Give her set times and days, if that doesn’t suit her suggest she joins a gym and uses theirs.

Pretty selfish not to let her. As long as she texts you a time you can both agree on.

20 minutes??!! That's a luxurious shower. If I let someone use my shower and they took 4 times as long as I do, I'd be really fed up. The problem is, some people take even longer and, unless you have that widget that turns the shower off after x minutes, she could be in there for ages. That would give me a huge amount of stress, using so much more hot water than I do in my own home - unless you're prepared to say that it's fine, but could you limit it to 5 minutes...

I had no shower or kitchen for months after a twat of a so-called friend/builder left me high and dry (and scarpered with the money for the works). I have lived here for 13 years, and no way would I have asked to use anyone's bathroom. The request puts folk in an awkward position, making them feel obliged to say yes. I have a sink, a flannel and a jug - wash at the sink, use a jug over the bath for washing hair. The bathroom is a very personal area. I wouldn't have an issue with, say, a neighbour using my washing machine, but not my bathroom. Perhaps you could say that you would be happy to help in other circumstances (eg, washing machine) but not the shower.

OP has decided to be kind and allow the neighbour to shower at her house **

Just remembered, I've used someone's shower also for a week.
Agreed on me having a key to the back door, and I used it before anyone was up.
It was a downstairs one, so not waking anyone up.
Some days they didn't even know I'd used it as I was in and out and left it pretty much as was with bath mat on radiator and shower walls and door dried.
Used my own toiletries and towel which I never left in there.

I wouldn't have been comfortable asking anyone else so OP doesn't have to feel comfortable saying yes to this particular neighbour.

Extremely unkind and selfish??? Not at all.

I had a neighbour use the shower once with her 8 year DS.

Gave them space and stayed in the kitchen.
Once they'd left, the bathroom was a state.
Her hair on the shower floor,
wet bathmat not hung on the radiator,
Water everywhere.
Towels on the floor.

if someone had done me that favour, would have left it as much as possible as I'd found it.

To top it off, had someone ask me about something in my house, only way she'd know is if said neighbour had told her. So basically went gossiping.

OP's neighbour is pretty much a stranger as just moved in.
OP doesn't know what kind of person she is or if it's even true.

Neighbour has gone for the easiest option as others have said, gyms etc could be a good call.

Well done OP for setting a boundary you are comfortable with.

Advice is one thing, but It's not for anyone really to tell you what to do.

How is this even a question? Of course a neighbour can use my shower when theirs is broken. Let’s hope OP never needs a favour

She doesn’t need to boil kettles. She has hot water.

She’s rude and brave most people in this situation would think something up like booking a swim at the local baths and using their showers

I can imagine she didn’t want to ask you really but thought ‘I’m sure she won’t mind’. So just let her use it, it’s a few minutes out of your day, not a big deal. Just make yourself scarce or unavailable at the time so she doesn’t over stay and chat if she’s that’s bad. If you ever need a favour this will be the things she remembers.

I agree with this. YANBU to say no.

Extra stuff like that iny personal space I'm ok with me and my immediate family.
I guess like all other bodily functions except more mess.

@stargazerlil

its just not the same in front of the radiator!! 😂

why cant she boil a couple of kettles and use sink for top half and a bowl for feet/bum.

IKR!

Having nice neighbours who you get on with is worth so much.

My neighbours and I have used each other's showers and washing machines on occasion. We take turns mowing the front lawns (they are joined) and we feed each other's cats if the other is away. Obviously having arrangements like that isn't always possible but it benefits me hugely. We don't take advantage and there are boundaries there like they wouldn't ask me to walk their dogs and I wouldn't ask them to look after my kids.

Yes. I think you are being a bit mean.....just say you are planning lie ins so here is a key, show her where shower is. It's good to be neighbourly, and you never know when you might need a favour.

No, I meant why it is gross for someone on their period to use your toilet?

Periods aren't gross!

Not much to ask and as others have said you never know when you might need a favour. Good neighbourly relations are worth their weight in gold .

When we moved to our first house, our neighbour, who we hadn't even met, knocked and asked if she could use our toilet as plumbers were in she didn't want to use the bathroom. I thought it was a bit cheeky but agreed anyway.

Four months later on Christmas eve, my electricity went as I overloaded it trying to cook for 20 people the next day. She came in and offered to let me use her whole kitchen and oven to cook our dinner. I think she would have done that even if I'd said no to the toilet request, but I was glad I'd said yes to her request.

How is someone using my bathroom different to a public washroom? Fairly obviously.
And for me, when I use a public washroom I accept that it's public and only use them when I want, or in the case where I had to, need.