To think if you're invited for lunch you should leave shortly after lunch?

Thats a lot of entertaining every two months.
I would change the lunch to a brunch and make arrangements to be somewhere else with your children and move them on that way, if they are hard work.
Or knock sunday on the head completely by having plans with the children made already, so say goodbye Saturday night.

Their fault if they are painful to be around.

It isn't the thread to discuss your in-laws. But you do need more support. Your husband should lock down any nasty comments directed at you.

You could both do with therapy on how to deal with these in laws. They probably won't change but you need to change the way you deal with them. I wish you luck with it all.

No, you were being wholly unfair to your in-laws by not mentioning they had travelled some distance to see you, were staying in a hotel etc.

When even that careful editing of the facts didn’t get the response you wanted, then you added further information and kept focussing on the inconsequential parts (alcohol and dessert) not the important parts (travel, family, past issues) in your subsequent posts.

You (and your DH, I hasten to add) were rude and a bad host. The in-laws may or may not have acted badly in the past but that’s not the point or the question you asked.

I find it very strange that OP avoids the question of the distance in miles or hours.
I have family 10 mins drive away so can pop in, another member an hour’s drive so stay 3/4 hours and then another a solid day’s drive when I stay a few days.

We had people over yesterday. We started eating at 2.30, probably got up from the table about 4.15 after lingering over second helpings and then a pause while I heated the puddings. (incidentally, I don't eat puddings either but other people like them so I always serve them) They eventually left about 8.30.

That suited me just fine. I'd be annoyed if they left any earlier - before and during the meal I'm busy and don't have much time to chat. It's in the leisurely few hours afterwards that I get to spend time with them.

Alcohol + dessert + in-laws + past issues + travel to see you. This is a classic drip feed in which you’ve left almost all the relevant information out of the first post and only suddenly ‘remembered’ it when the subsequent posts go against you.

But sure, double down and focus on the alcohol.

@purplebeansprouts

We saw them for dinner on the first night then all day for the second day then Sunday was in their words "just popping in for lunch before we go"

Well if you had told us all this information in your first post you may have got some rather different answers.

Assuming you want posters on your side, I can't comprehend why you would start a thread suggesting a completely different scenario.

What a waste of time.

I’m really not sure why you posted.

You: AIBU

Most posters: Yes

You: But drip feed, drip feed, drip feed, no I’m not.

Since you aren’t prepared to accept anything anyone says that might suggest you were wrong, why bother? Did you really think everyone would just agree with your shockingly poor idea of hosting and you’d have another reason to be smug about your dislike of your in-laws?

Surely it depends on who the hosts are and how well you know them. I have been to lunch and stayed until 4 pm, and in fact I don't know anyone who expects their guests to eat and run. Surely the idea is to socialise, not just eat.

You haven’t said how far they had travelled to visit you, yet OP.

I'd find it very odd to literally just eat my lunch then get up and go..that would be very rude. But apparently this is exactly what you expected your in laws to do? Eat lunch at 12.30 then be out by 1.30! Bizarre 🤦‍♀️

I think if you would have clarified the in-law visit in your original post, you would have had better answers.
Normally if I invited someone for lunch, arrival 30 minutes before, an hour at the table, and stay for a visit after the meal, so 2.5 - 3 hours total.
But family that has come from out of town I would expect to stay longer, or we would do something after lunch, like a walk, garden visit, etc., then say goodbye.

If your in-laws have a tendency to do this, then make plans mid afternoon and let them know you need to leave.

Why are people so hung up on OP not offering dessert or alcohol. Not everyone drinks or needs a drink to enjoy themselves. Also its lunch, you don’t need a big meal and dessert at lunch. OP has clearly hosted them for meals over the weekend and clearly has things to do on a Sunday afternoon / evening.

I'd expect to chat during lunch then stay another 2 hours approx, unless my host was were old, infirm or had made it clear they had other commitments. Also depends a great deal on the relationship. If my adult son comes for breakfast he sometimes ends up staying for lunch too, because we are hanging out and he's easy company.

When hosting, I would always offer coffee, tea, soft drink or sparkling water and at minimum biscuits at some point after the meal too.

Christ what misery

If someone is paying for a hotel in order to see you, you really can't get huffy that they've stayed for a few hours after a low-effort lunch - even if you don't like them!

Also if my husband was texting me asking me why HIS family were still here, I'd wonder why I'd married a 12 year old. He's a grown man, they're his parents - why could he not just find a subtle way to ask them? Ick

No. She hasn't said they're horrible, she just sounds miserable and DH is sly.