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Original poster

To think the term 'childfree' is as bad as 'childless'

439 replies

JemimaWithTheStripeyTights · 29/10/2024 15:01

I totally understand why somebody would prefer not to describe themselves as 'childless'. The -less has connotations of something missing, of being somehow inferior or lacking when compared with people with children. It makes 'having children' the default, and 'not having children' abnormal. I get it.

But something about 'childfree' really grates with me. The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden, or as if they're something to be escaped from at all costs. Basically, I think it sounds as much like a smug value judgement as 'childless' is a thoughtless one.

Not sure what the alternative would be, but how about 'nonparent'? It needs to be a word that's totally neutral about whether having kids is a good or bad thing.

OP posts:
Completelyjo · 31/10/2024 08:59

CherryBlossomArt · 31/10/2024 08:50

If you read back through the thread I have outlined the reasons I find it offensive for people without children to call themselves “childfree”.

Show quote history

Everyone heard you. Your reasons are nonsense.
If someone thinking children are a burden or a restriction on their lifestyle and therefore choose not to have them why are you so offended by that? You seem very fragile and insecure in your decision to have children.
Perhaps you didn’t actively make the decision and went along with what you thought you were supposed to do.

SallyWD · 31/10/2024 08:58

CherryBlossomArt · 31/10/2024 08:50

If you read back through the thread I have outlined the reasons I find it offensive for people without children to call themselves “childfree”.

Show quote history

Ok, you find it offensive, but most of us don't.

coffeesaveslives · 31/10/2024 08:58

The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden

I mean, that sums it up perfectly imo 🤷‍♀️

Children are a massive responsibility and yes, a burden in many ways. I'm not sure why so many parents find that to be so offensive.

I mean, if you're happy to take on that job for the rest of your days, knock yourself out, but many people can't imagine anything worse/

CleanShirt · 31/10/2024 08:54

CherryBlossomArt · 31/10/2024 08:50

If you read back through the thread I have outlined the reasons I find it offensive for people without children to call themselves “childfree”.

Show quote history

I've read it. You don't like people without children to use the term childfree because only parents should use that. I still don't understand why you're so angry that people have differing opinions. Yours isn't necessarily right.

Wtfdude · 31/10/2024 08:54

@CherryBlossomArt were you so insufferable even befofe the metamorphosis of parenthood or did that come with it?

BigManLittleDignity · 31/10/2024 08:53

CherryBlossomArt · 31/10/2024 08:50

If you read back through the thread I have outlined the reasons I find it offensive for people without children to call themselves “childfree”.

Show quote history

And I’ve told you why I only use it when unempathetic muppets ask questions about my reproductive health. HTH.

CherryBlossomArt · 31/10/2024 08:50

CleanShirt · 31/10/2024 08:49

Why are you so angry? What difference does it make to your life what a board is called, or how people choose to live their lives?

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If you read back through the thread I have outlined the reasons I find it offensive for people without children to call themselves “childfree”.

BigManLittleDignity · 31/10/2024 08:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Why are you so offended? What bothers you? I am childless due to devastating circumstances. I am not offended by people who are happy without children, why are you?!
I contribute to society by being a higher rate tax payer and I am very pro services being geared up towards helping the younger generations and good quality education etc.
Whats the problem??

CleanShirt · 31/10/2024 08:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Why are you so angry? What difference does it make to your life what a board is called, or how people choose to live their lives?

CherryBlossomArt · 31/10/2024 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CleanShirt · 31/10/2024 08:46

CherryBlossomArt · 31/10/2024 08:43

What is the difference between women who don’t have children and women who are “childfree” - who didn’t feel included in the label and why?

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Generally...

Childfree - by choice
Childless - not by choice.

Doesn't fit everyone but nothing ever does.

HTH.

Bebud · 31/10/2024 08:46

CherryBlossomArt · 31/10/2024 08:43

What is the difference between women who don’t have children and women who are “childfree” - who didn’t feel included in the label and why?

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Women who are childless or childless by circumstance didn’t feel included in ‘childfree’ as it wasn’t their choice not to have children.

CherryBlossomArt · 31/10/2024 08:43

Bebud · 31/10/2024 08:41

That’s because some weren’t sure it included them and it’s an inclusive board for women who don’t have children for any reason not just because they’re childfree.

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What is the difference between women who don’t have children and women who are “childfree” - who didn’t feel included in the label and why?

fitzwilliamdarcy · 31/10/2024 08:42

CherryBlossomArt · 31/10/2024 08:38

Also the forum for mumsnetters without children mercifully had its name changed from “childfree mumsnetters” - you can still see it in the URL.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/childfree-mumsnetters/5164641-best-part-of-being-childfree

Yes, it did. Because it’s for both childless and childfree people and the use of only childfree made childless posters feel uncomfortable.

The childfree listened to that and requested a name change. Because we think it’s important to respect (sorry, I know you hate the idea of respecting those who aren’t mums on mumsnet) terminology and the distinction between the two groups.

Bebud · 31/10/2024 08:41

CherryBlossomArt · 31/10/2024 08:38

Also the forum for mumsnetters without children mercifully had its name changed from “childfree mumsnetters” - you can still see it in the URL.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/childfree-mumsnetters/5164641-best-part-of-being-childfree

That’s because some weren’t sure it included them and it’s an inclusive board for women who don’t have children for any reason not just because they’re childfree.

JaneFondue · 31/10/2024 08:40

CherryBlossomArt · 31/10/2024 08:34

There are plenty of examples on this thread.

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Its a goady thread by an OP who has not returned, purely to stir up a fight between those with children and those without.

Boy, has it worked.

If you think people are sneering at you for having children, that's your own inferiority complex taking over. I have children and dont care what anyone thinks of that choice.

Soitis83 · 31/10/2024 08:38

violentovulation · 29/10/2024 15:06

Uhhh

Your description of children is exactly why people choose to stay that way. Children ARE a burden, like it or not. It just depends if they're a burden you WANT, or one that you don't.

Maybe for you, definitely not for me.

Fedupwithneighbours · 31/10/2024 08:36

Instead of defining those of us who don’t have kids in terms of what we are “lacking” (childfree, childless, non parent)… how about we are just referred to as “people”?

It’s not remotely relevant to me, I am just living my life as I have always done. At what point did I earn the label “childfree”? When others had kids? When I reach a certain age?

CherryBlossomArt · 31/10/2024 08:34

JaneFondue · 31/10/2024 08:29

I dont see any childfree people on MN behaving like that. The " Mners without children" forum is exceptionally sane and suppportive.
There are people on the internet who do behave like that but they are few and far between.

Show quote history

There are plenty of examples on this thread.

CherryBlossomArt · 31/10/2024 08:33

musixa · 31/10/2024 08:28

On the other hand, suppose I am buying on e-Bay and see one of the many adverts saying an item comes from a 'pet free home'. Do I, as the owner of pets:

A. Become enraged that the seller is suggesting my home is inferior because it has pets in it.
B. Take this as a piece of factual information that it's reasonable to include, because more than 50% of UK households include pets.

Guess what, the answer is B.

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That is said so that the buyers knows there will be no allergy-causing saliva or fur, claw-marks, etc on the item. It is not the seller defining themselves as a person.

Bebud · 31/10/2024 08:33

ChocolateMagnum · 31/10/2024 08:31

I never understand the need for a term for this. What's wrong with 'I don't have children'? It's totally neutral and factual without any value or judgement!

A lot of us have explained on this thread.

ChocolateMagnum · 31/10/2024 08:31

I never understand the need for a term for this. What's wrong with 'I don't have children'? It's totally neutral and factual without any value or judgement!

JaneFondue · 31/10/2024 08:29

CherryBlossomArt · 31/10/2024 08:24

I think childfree is fine, until you get the small minority who want to make such a point about how awful the idea of having children is. Like standing in front of ten dog owners, announcing how dogs are foul, and portraying superiority at being "dogfree.". It naturally gets people's backs up. It's sneering at their life, in a "ewwww who would ever want that thing that you have" way, then doing this faux naive "I have no idea why that would offend anyone.". Granted that's only a few people that behave like that... But alas, they tend to be the constant loud voices on the subject, and they unfortunately do the majority a disservice.

And how about these “dogfree” people choosing to join an online forum ‘by and for’ dog owners, ‘to improve the lives’ of dog owners, who then populate this forum with threads about how those calling themselves “dogfree” deserve more prominence and respect for their choice to go “dogfree” and call themselves “dogfree”.

Its antagonistic behaviour.

Show quote history

I dont see any childfree people on MN behaving like that. The " Mners without children" forum is exceptionally sane and suppportive.
There are people on the internet who do behave like that but they are few and far between.

musixa · 31/10/2024 08:28

CherryBlossomArt · 31/10/2024 08:24

I think childfree is fine, until you get the small minority who want to make such a point about how awful the idea of having children is. Like standing in front of ten dog owners, announcing how dogs are foul, and portraying superiority at being "dogfree.". It naturally gets people's backs up. It's sneering at their life, in a "ewwww who would ever want that thing that you have" way, then doing this faux naive "I have no idea why that would offend anyone.". Granted that's only a few people that behave like that... But alas, they tend to be the constant loud voices on the subject, and they unfortunately do the majority a disservice.

And how about these “dogfree” people choosing to join an online forum ‘by and for’ dog owners, ‘to improve the lives’ of dog owners, who then populate this forum with threads about how those calling themselves “dogfree” deserve more prominence and respect for their choice to go “dogfree” and call themselves “dogfree”.

Its antagonistic behaviour.

Show quote history

On the other hand, suppose I am buying on e-Bay and see one of the many adverts saying an item comes from a 'pet free home'. Do I, as the owner of pets:

A. Become enraged that the seller is suggesting my home is inferior because it has pets in it.
B. Take this as a piece of factual information that it's reasonable to include, because more than 50% of UK households include pets.

Guess what, the answer is B.