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AIBU?

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Original poster

Thinking it’s weird that his 18 year old will have the master room

380 replies

grizzleGrazzle · 28/10/2024 04:38

My DP and I have been together for 4 years, now my only child has moved out for good (24, bought a flat with his girlfriend up north). My DP and I have decided I will move in.
He has a gorgeous 4 bedroom house and currently his 18 year old has the master bedroom, she is at uni in the city so has no plans to move out but the room has a massive walk in wardrobe and large en-suite. The next bedroom is still large and has an en-suite but no walk in wardrobe.
Tonight I suggested that since I’m moving in we maybe switch the bedrooms around and he looked at me like I’d lost my mind. To me it doesn’t make sense for two adults to share a slightly smaller room with less storage space.
The other 2 bedrooms are currently a guest room and an office and he’s saying I can have storage in the office for more clothes.
AIBU to think it’s weird that his daughter will keep the master?

OP posts:
Guavafish1 · 28/10/2024 04:41

Leave the daughter alone

I suspect you’re looking for a fight

violentovulation · 28/10/2024 04:41

How would you feel if you came home to find someone else in your bedroom?

Ownedbyabeagle · 28/10/2024 04:43

Would be unfair to turf her out of her room. It doesn't sound like you'll be in some tiny room so what's the issue?

angellinaballerina7 · 28/10/2024 04:45

If you want to dictate rooms, buy a house together. If not, leave it be - you’re asking for trouble.

renovating · 28/10/2024 04:45

You will always take second place to his daughter. At least he has made that clear. To be fair, I too would always put my dc ahead of a partner.
Think carefully about whether you want to give up your independence and move in with him on that basis.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/10/2024 04:45

You're not a dog and you don't have to pee in the corner of your new home!

beetr00 · 28/10/2024 04:46

oh dear! this does not bode well for his daughter. This is her home.

vodkaredbullgirl · 28/10/2024 04:46

Yes yabu

violentovulation · 28/10/2024 04:47

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/10/2024 04:45

You're not a dog and you don't have to pee in the corner of your new home!

Grin
Alwayssomethingtheretoremindme · 28/10/2024 04:52

I think it's unreasonable to ask her to change rooms if she doesn't want to.

However I think the fact that she has the larger room bothers you is a sign that moving into their home with whilst she is living there is probably not a good idea?This won't be the only area of conflict where you will want to change things but he and his daughter might not be happy.

Do you think you are going to think this is ever going to feel other than you living in " their" home rather than a home where you have equal status?

Feelingstrange2 · 28/10/2024 04:54

It's her bedroom! Leave her alone.

Moving in, you'll have plenty to navigate, don't start by throwing your weight around.

Sounds like your room will be perfectly fine.

Thistimearound · 28/10/2024 04:55

I think this is a great way to get off on the wrong foot and alienate his daughter.

Yes if you were choosing rooms from scratch, you’d choose the master for you and DP. But you’re moving into an established household.

I don’t think a smaller bedroom matters when you have the whole house.

TheSilkWorm · 28/10/2024 04:58

It's beyond inappropriate to think you can start moving his daughter into another room and take her bedroom if you move in with him.

wiesowarum · 28/10/2024 04:59

If you were all moving in at the same time you'd have a point.
It's not making a very good start if you move in and immediately want to turf his daughter into a different room, even if she is at Uni.
Perhaps the issue could be discussed further down the line.

Pennyplant19 · 28/10/2024 05:01

Would you have let him move in with you and demand your child to be turfed out of his room?

Overthebow · 28/10/2024 05:02

It’s her house and her room. No, she shouldn’t give up her room.

9ToGoal · 28/10/2024 05:02

Don't move in.

Moulook31 · 28/10/2024 05:07

Wow! What a cheek, moving into someone’s house and demanding changes immediately. Do you really need people to tell you that you are unreasonable?

blindasaba51981 · 28/10/2024 05:11

Daughter gets to keep the room after all it is her room!

Boobygravy · 28/10/2024 05:11

This relationship is not going to last.

User37482 · 28/10/2024 05:15

You can’t expect him to chuck her out of her own bedroom just because you have turned up. I understand that it seems practical from your point of view but it’s a bit “send the child to the attic” isn’t it? She had it because she probably needed more space because she’s a teenage girl.

I think you need to be really clear on your understanding that he’s not likely to de-prioritise his own daughter on your behalf. She will most likely always come first as she should. If you want this move to go well then I would take the view that right now are going to be a guest. Christ if someone said that I’d be re-thinking allowing them to move in.

LeafcutterAnt · 28/10/2024 05:17

wiesowarum · 28/10/2024 04:59

If you were all moving in at the same time you'd have a point.
It's not making a very good start if you move in and immediately want to turf his daughter into a different room, even if she is at Uni.
Perhaps the issue could be discussed further down the line.

Edited

I think she's living at home and commuting to a local uni

Brightredtulips · 28/10/2024 05:21

If I were him this would be a major red flag for me that youre even considering this

FontainesDH · 28/10/2024 05:22

I'm not surprised he looked at you like that. His daughter's only 18. It's her bedroom! It's his house! Not a good start...

pictoosh · 28/10/2024 05:23

No, it's her room and he doesn't want to change it.

Our eldest has the biggest room here too. He hangs out in his room, has friends round at times. We only really sleep in our bedroom so didn't need as much space. We have the communal areas to hang out in.

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