Starting my Social Services parenting class today. Filled with rage. AIBU?

Absolutely we would. Also, if there was any doubt we would always come down on the side which offered the child the most protection. There is child care law, social work practice, and common sense and you need all of that to make a good assessment. Unfortunately common sense is all too often ignored.

i retired in 2001 so a long time ago now. I can only speak about what was practiced in my area and I do appreciate that other people may have had different experiences. Fortunately we had a sensible head of department. I also wonder about the selection of social workers these days. When I trained only people 25 and over were accepted for training. It was deemed necessary that applicants had some life experience. Nowadays people can go into social work straight from university and I sincerely believe that has been to the detriment of the profession. Book learning and academia is one thing but it is no substitute for life experience. In this instance I wonder how old the social worker was who made the decision. Although social workers are accountable to their line managers the line managers have to be more careful with scrutinising the assessment. Unfortunately, due to massively increasing workloads and lack of funding this isn’t always possible, even though it should be.

I could not be a social worker these days, I’m not woke enough. It was bad enough in my day but you could argue your case strongly and not have to pussyfoot around abusers.

I'm sorry but your post makes little sense in the context of this thread and the OPs situation. Particularly as in the OPs case she does not want her DD to have contact but it is being forced and she is being punished for trying to protect her child through official channels. She cannot promise what you suggest while their abuser has the whip hand, and the authorities are dismissing her concerns.

I note it has been “an awfully long time” since you retired but I’m interested in how things were then as opposed to now.

When you were working would you have taken any interest in the abusive parent’s prior history of domestic abuse against the mother?

I think that you've taken that the wrong way. I've been on here since 2011. I started to post because of the minimising of the effect on children living withDV/EA/DA. Even over the last few months I've had to ask why the OP is wanting their child to have contact with both their abuser. It wasn't court ordered, but they'd internalised this idea that two parents, at any cost, is the ideal.
OP as well as trusting you, you need to be telling her that neither you or her will ever get into trouble for telling the truth/making a allegation and that she will never be removed from your care, or you go to prison etc.

How awful 😞 for her. I‘m glad she did though. It’s horrific some of the stuff I read on here and the abusers and SS just seem to get away with it and not be answerable to anyone.

I’m only too aware. 😢
But a drop off, horrible as that is, isn’t comparable to having to be with an abusive parent for an extended amount of time / overnight. For years. 😭

A girl I worked with did. Her dad used to batter her mum, took all her money and other abusive issues. She was forced by a court order to spend every weekend with her father, who in turn abused her to get at her mum, he’d not take her home on time, not take her to school, refuse to answer the phone then in turn began being aggressive to her. She sued the LA.

Sometimes women are court ordered to facilitate contact on a practical level eg drop offs etc and therefore cannot avoid their abuser.

I’m sorry Op. Unfortunately not all Social workers actually know how to do their job properly.

If you can, stay calm and email your MP and SS themselves, there are team leaders, ADD and Directors you can speak to. State your facts and evidence clearly as possible and, how the SS made you feel and your DD feel.
If you keep to the facts the SS will have to defend their actions.

While you continue to support your DD, try to encourage her to also talk to her teachers and collect all the evidence you can. He most likely do this again unfortunately.

You are 100% right- this poster’s comments indicate zero understanding. However in one sense it is true- children have no choice - the court orders contact and contact has to happen.
A woman can avoid contact with an abuser.
A child cannot. 😢

Before this happened to someone close to me, I would never have believed something like this could happen.

But it did. DC made a disclosure to the mother of shocking abuse perpetrated by the father- mother informed SS and police and was duly accused of parental alienation- it went to the family court and the abuser now has custody of his DC.

Mother did go to her MP and was told "What do you expect me to do? I'm not a solicitor" 😡 (glad to say that since 4th July that individual is no longer an MP).

I have since discovered that Jess Philips MP is running a campaign specifically to change practice around this in the family courts. Apparently half of her mailbox consists of emails from (mostly) women in similar terrible situations. I know that the family courts aren't involved in your case OP, but maybe it's worthwhile reaching out to her?

I also know that Womens' Aid are campaigning on this matter.

Sending you strength.

I found the thread but the article in the OP is a very upsetting story, so people may want to avoid it.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5177628-shabana-mahmood-to-be-petitioned-about-family-courtsviolent-non-resident-parents

The MP that is being petitioned is Shabana Mahmood.

https://members.parliament.uk/member/3914/contact

There's also a link to this organisation:

https://survivorfamilynetwork.com/

https://www.thebureauinvestigates.com/stories/2024-06-26/reform-family-courts-to-tackle-violence-against-women-charities-urge-next-government/

Old-ish article but has info on the report from 2020.

OP, this organisation is great and may be worth getting in touch with:

https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/

My ex’s (from a long time ago) DF was an SS director. He had started as a SW, probably in the 1980s. He said the exact same thing to me about alcoholics and drug addicts “making very good parents”. I was about 18/19 at the time and just thought WTF?

I often wonder if any of the children who were made to have contact with abusive/inadequate parents have ever sued SS/council as adults for putting them in danger.

“and I feel sorry for the SWs who have to implement it”

I would cut off my right arm before I would work in this diabolical system.

Your comment about some social workers being fooled by articulate men rings very true.

In my extended family we had a time a decade ago when we had social services involvement due to the father's treatment of a child and the mother covering it up. It turned out that the mother was being emotionally abused( this was before coercive control became a crime) and was dominated by her extremely manipulative and calculating husband.

He was an extremely articulate and outwardly charming man in his early thirties, added to which he was very good looking. The social worker was a 23 year old woman and was completely captivated by him. I was looking after the child and so went to all the meetings with the LA and saw how she reacted to him and how she was taken in by him, let him dominate meetings, believed him when he twisted facts etc, it made my blood boil but couldn't do anything because the solicitor had said to do everything social services asked. Fortunately the CAFCASS guardian and the barrister ultimately saw through him, but he had gained many advantages from manipulating that social worker.

Also - solidarity to OP. Not been exactly in your position but the experience I do have, and things I've heard about through friends with written proof mean I don't doubt anything you're saying. No words of wisdom but plenty of empathy. The system is broken and every time some authoritarian jobsworth uses the phrase "best interests of the child" I'm a little bit sick in my mouth because it so very rarely is.

YANBU that is insane.

But don’t go in angry I think it’ll make things worse.

What a horrible predicament, there’s no wonder abuse is rife.

And there speaks someone with no idea of what they're talking about when it comes to the complexities of DV and SS / CP.

Correct.
Contact orders are made and children are not given a choice whether to be with that person or not.

This thread has been a terrifying read.

I'm so sorry, op. You and your daughter deserve better.

Remember Alfie Steele? Neighbours recorded him screaming while he was bieng abused and called police. Police may not have ignored the evidence but they still didn't arrest the abusers until Alfie was dead.

There was a thread on this recently in feminism, and a politician was talking about it. I suggest getting in touch with her ... I'll try and find the thread.

Out of interest have you ever actually been on the receiving end of Social Services because to me that sounds like the sort of thing that either

a) would be said by a social worker attempting to justify the system
b) someone who has never experienced their input and thinks child protection social services are well meaning and fair

Unfortunately child protection works within a system that doesn't leave much room for compassion or discretion and I feel sorry for the SWs who have to implement it

I hope YANBU because I'm fucking raging on your behalf and your DDs behalf. I would be reporting that social worker as hard as I could, but I understand that you can't jeopardise your situation. It's utterly enraging, heartbreaking, infuriating and wrong, OP. I'm so very, very sorry.