To think 25 is too late to find the LOML

No! But oh my did I feel the same at your age.Then I spent a couple of years travelling and freelancing and growing confidence. Then I thought I'd grown but met another toxic idiot, swore off men... Then at 30 I met my husband. Still together kids in high school. It will come enjoy your friends and the world and this stage of your life...

You say you have an Oxford education as if that is the be all and end all. But there is a world of difference between the likes of Balliol & Jesus, and Teddy’s Hall & St Hilda’s.

Have you considered dropping down a league and going for a red brick chap?

Why are you not mentioning at all the 21-year-old barman (presumably not "high value"?) who has politely dumped you on your previous thread (posted less than ten minutes before this one)?

It seems like even the least desirable men in society still discard me after a few weeks.

I understand you are upset, but it seems odd to be having the "worst day of your life" if the man in question fits in with these non-high-value types.

As you have some means, it should be possible for you to pay for regular and ongoing therapy, with a decent psychologist. I suspect your problems run deeper than a bit of low self-esteem.

My SIL was 33 when she met my DB over 20 years ago.

I met my husband at 28. Kindly op, do you think you may benefit from some counselling?

1. I met my husband just shy of 30. You have time.
2. You come across as hung up on the ex. Have you spoken to anyone about this? It won't make meeting people any easier so you should probably work through it.
3. You don't sound like you like a lot of the people you try to date. The fact you are going for them suggests you're not dating them for themselves and they're probably picking up on this. Stop dating.
4. You need to be happy with yourself and by yourself to some extent before you date. You don't sound like you are. You need a break from dating.
5. Don't go into anything expecting a LOML. Let it breathe and grow. Give it a chance to organically blossom into a LOML. It's not rhubarb. Don't force it.
6. If you use apps, there are ways and means to market yourself and sift.

One of my (ex) male friends talked about people in terms of 'value'. We aren't friends anymore...

I didn't realise the people in our lives have high or low value. Who decides what someone's value is? And when does having a value start? Does my 7 year old have value? He's not very tall but he is intelligent. Should I be encouraging him into certain careers in order to increase his value? Do different traits have different weighting? If he goes to Oxford and earns a lot but stays short would his value be high or low?

I think you spend too much time watching self development videos (it takes one to know one 😉 😂). Seriously though, chill out. When I was your age I was obsessed with the thought of settling down and imagining my declining fertility and so I subjected myself to lots of terrible relationships with unsuitable men. I started dating my husband when I was 26 - I'd actually known him for a long time but he was a bit younger than me so I'd never noticed him in that way. Never would have thought I'd end up with him in a million years and now we have a house and a child. I love him and my daughter but I wish I'd chilled out and enjoyed my free and single time because I'll never get it back and I'll never be 25 again.

I agree with those saying your ex wasn't the one, if there is even such a thing. For your own sake, stop dwelling on it because he's moved on. It's totally fine to have "standards" and to wait until you meet someone who ticks all the boxes but in the meantime try and enjoy being young and free.

OP, these ‘low value’ men you date don’t stay with you because you clearly don’t respect them. And from what you’ve said, do you want them to stay? Why are you continuing to engage with men you don’t actually want a relationship with?

You must have been incredibly young when you were with this guy, if you're only 25 and he's moved to Australia and married another woman.
What 22 at the oldest??

Maybe even younger?

Sounds like you were young and in love thinking he was amazing

You need to move on my dear!!

Look back at this in 10 years and you'll think "oh dear, I was a bit silly".

You don’t sound particularly pleasant OP - this may be where you’re going wrong and it sounds like the object of your affection had a lucky escape.

I guess there’s some things you don’t learn at Oxford.

Do young women really think like this? I don't know any who do.

You don't know you'd be together, you think it. And fantasize about it. But the fact is, he gets a vote on that too, and you can't predict what his choice would have been. And if he chose to leave for Australia, it doesn't sound like he was as in love as you like to think.

It's a bit odd how it never seems to even occur to you that being with a man at all isn't actually mandatory. Maybe try to learn to be content by yourself first?

I'm not oscillating between anything.

I'm calling you out on the fact that you seem to think "short" is a character failing.

Your whole OP sounds unpleasant. The phrase "high value" makes you sounds incredibly materialistic.

Yes have standards. Have standards of behaviour and decency.

You imply it in your OP by first saying this
He is what I would describe as a 'high value' man: employed, beautiful, 6', kind, good with kids, funny, athletic, loyal, wrote me poems, passionate, romantic, domestic, did all housework.

You then go on to list your qualities..
I have friends, my own house, an Oxford education and a good job
It's hardly a leap for posters to conclude the "high value" qualities you seek in a mate you also apply to yourself?
Presumably you expect that the "high value" partner you crave has similar standards in his quest for a partner?

He could have stayed. I'm sure you loved each other at the time, but clearly he's not the LOYL given that you broke up, he moved abroad, and he's married to someone else now.

Why are you holding on to this relationship as though it's everything, when it's done and dusted?

And why are you entertaining porn addicts and abusive men instead of seriously looking for a partner?

You're only 25. People find love in their 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond. Most people meet someone at work or through a hobby. OLD is probably not worth bothering with, but people do find their partners through it, so see how it works for you.

Well if you couldn't go (for whatever mysterious reason), why didn't he stay?

If he was such a "high value" man, surely his priorities would have been skewed towards making a go of it with the love of his life.

Plenty of posters here (including me) whose husbands stayed. Hmm, maybe DH putting his own career on a slower path so mine could climb before we move wasn't very high value of him. I'll have to ask him what he thinks about that.

You could have got married /civil partner & joined him
You could have gotten a job in Oz.
Further education at Oz Uni?

Citizenship is very “cart before horse”… unless you have a criminal history or another reason you would be barred from Oz.

You get less attractive by the post.

You don't have standards you have a bad spoilt attitude... its completely different.

Having standards is saying 'I'm not going to wear those cheap bad shoes anymore because they hurt and I'm getting blisters' not 'I'm never wearing any shoes ever again unless they are cool in style Gucci brand ones and will sit and feel sorry for myself about my bare feet'.

Crocs or Slippers might not be pretty, cool or expensive but hey if you gave them a chance you could find you live a happy life with comfortable feet.

(yes in this episode of Incel TVs hit show 'humans as objects' men are shoes)

£30k isn't a poverty wage.

I think you may judge others too harshly.

Definitely comes across as a nasty trait to have.

£30k is not a poverty wage in your 20s, which is presumably the age he left? He left because he wanted the money more than you, not because staying with you meant a life of poverty.

My DH would have never left me for a job offer. You are arguing automatically and blindly because the strength in your own belief is prohibiting you from listening to anyone.

Once you get over that hump, you can hopefully adjust your attitude about relationships and build a healthier way of looking for a partner.