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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want DH to wash my clothes with his streaky underwear

107 replies

Safirexx · 25/09/2024 09:23

My DH has a very relaxed attitude to leaving poo streaks in his underwear. It gives me the ick, and early on in our marriage it did upset me to be responsible for washing them and seeing all the streaks.

I told him this and asked him if he could please do his underwear himself and do it separately from the rest of the wash. (Or do a better job of not leaving streaks - up to him really.) I just don't like the idea of my clothes being washed in water that has poo in it.

As DS (16/ SEND) got older and does much the same, I showed DS how to wash his own underwear using bio detergent, and told him to add his dad's at the same time.

All was working well and I didn't even check anybody's underwear and felt much better about the state of the laundry generally.

However I've noticed recently a load of washing that had my clothes and DH's underwear all mixed in. It's very nice of DH to do my washing but I don't expect him to, and it's definitely hard to feel grateful when I think about my clothes being contaminated by his pants. 🤢

I don't know what the science is about this and wondered whether Mumsnetters would have a view.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Josephinesnapoleon · 25/09/2024 12:09

Katemax82 · 25/09/2024 12:00

Because ds also has shitty pants?

Show quote history

So why does that mean he needs to wash his fathers. The man can wash his own.

Nagatha · 25/09/2024 12:10

Wish I hadn't decided to open this thread with my lunch

Summertimer · 25/09/2024 12:11

This is a peak Mumsnet thread

Cattery · 25/09/2024 12:11

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 25/09/2024 11:45

Tell you husband to stop doing your laundry and to learn how to wipe his fucking arse.

Well, yeh x

Josephinesnapoleon · 25/09/2024 12:12

Tbh DH's standards of cleanliness are off the charts better than mine, he's neat and tidy, picks up after me and the kids, very organised, manages his own laundry perfectly as well as the household linen - it's just this one thing, believe it or not

im sorry but I couldn’t deal with that. A grown man who can’t wipe his own arse. To the extent he leaves shit stains on his underwear. He’s walking around with shit caked in between his cheeks.

im sorry but I’d be out. It’s utterly grim. Very different to someone with additional needs, unless he also has additional needs?

ImDuranDuran · 25/09/2024 12:13

He needs to invest in some sort of incontinence pads if he's not prepared to act like an adult and wipe his arse properly.

I'm sorry, OP but this is just repulsive. And saying 'oh he's so clean in other ways' really doesn't make it any more justifiable.

Rotten.

Josephinesnapoleon · 25/09/2024 12:15

MutleyCrew · 25/09/2024 11:42

I sympathise on the separate was, OP, I don't view a 40' wash as biologically clean, i.e sterile -which is what I would want shitty pants to be. And I would want him to use that Dettol laundry sanitiser in the machine.

I hope he has a really good shower before he comes to bed. But how can you trust someone with his yuk habits to even shower thoroughly?

How can you habe sex with someone with shit on them, gives me the utter ick

nOasistickets · 25/09/2024 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Deadringer · 25/09/2024 12:20

What a dickhead! His ds with SEN wishes his shitty pants for him, really? If it was me I would say DH LEARN TO CLEAN YOUR FUCKING ARSE PROPERLY! AND DONT TOUCH MY FUCKING CLOTHES, OR ME, UNTIL YOU DO!

Deadringer · 25/09/2024 12:23

Safirexx · 25/09/2024 11:01

Thank you. Having a child with SEN seems to be an unimaginable experience for those who don't.

Show quote history

His standards of cleanliness are not better than yours, he is tidy and organised (aside from his own arse) which is not cleanliness. He is filthy!

WandaFishy99 · 25/09/2024 12:25

If my DH didn't clean himself enough and left poo on his undies, I would go absolutely crazy! It disgusting! A grown man can't even wipe his bum! I can't believe you take it so calmly. I couldn't live with a filthy pig like that.

Summertimer · 25/09/2024 12:26

Deadringer · 25/09/2024 12:23

His standards of cleanliness are not better than yours, he is tidy and organised (aside from his own arse) which is not cleanliness. He is filthy!

Show quote history

I’d call it relatively normal standards of cleanliness. People who say they wash themselves after having a poo are definitely going a bit too far

MyLifeMyChoices · 25/09/2024 12:38

I wash my small children’s on a 15 mins cycle if they haven’t wiped properly etc and then add the full load and do a proper cycle.

Without getting in to they why’s of it all this system could be a better balance for you.

Fastback · 25/09/2024 12:49

But why is the H’s pants regularly full of shit?! WHY?! What is wrong with him??

2boyzNosleep · 25/09/2024 12:56

Safirexx · 25/09/2024 10:41

Maybe I didn't make it clear that I DO do my own washing. I'm not sure how my clothes ended up in his wash and I can only assume he needed to make up a load and didn't mind doing some of my laundry for me - part of why I say he clearly takes a more relaxed attitude to this than I do.

Show quote history

OP this response doesn't make any sense to the post you quoted.

Anyway, your clothes aren't going to be contaminated by skidmarks. It would be different if his underwear was filled with shit. As long as you know how to actually do laundry so that everything comes out clean (everyone has different opinions) then mixing is not a problem. Personally, I wash everything at 40C with powder, on a long wash.

I know you said in another post you weren't asking for advice about DH hygiene, just about the washing, but if he cleaned his arsehole, this wouldn't be an issue.

Unless he has some sort of chonic IBD, then there's really no excuse. He is not cleaning his crack properly, and may even be scratching his arse as well.

Cattery · 25/09/2024 13:09

Deadringer · 25/09/2024 12:23

His standards of cleanliness are not better than yours, he is tidy and organised (aside from his own arse) which is not cleanliness. He is filthy!

Show quote history

🤣 Beggars belief doesn’t it

Summertimer · 25/09/2024 13:24

2boyzNosleep · 25/09/2024 12:56

OP this response doesn't make any sense to the post you quoted.

I know you said in another post you weren't asking for advice about DH hygiene, just about the washing, but if he cleaned his arsehole, this wouldn't be an issue.

Unless he has some sort of chonic IBD, then there's really no excuse. He is not cleaning his crack properly, and may even be scratching his arse as well.

Show quote history

Scratching is forbidden too 🤣 in a peak Mumsnet situation comedy

YellowphantGrey · 25/09/2024 13:29

A washing machine is to clean dirty clothes etc.

Washing his underwear with yours won't male yours dirty. If it does, you need a new machine

Why do you expect your son to handle your husbands dirty pants but you refuse?

Seems ridiculous to have extra wash loads going because you think dirty clothes going into a machine don't get clean.

The biggest problem is the fact that a grown man and a 16 year old can't wipe their bottoms properly

Original poster

Safirexx · 25/09/2024 13:43

Nagatha · 25/09/2024 12:10

Wish I hadn't decided to open this thread with my lunch

Sorry! I'd have thought the thread title would be enough of a clue though.

OP posts:

Original poster

Safirexx · 25/09/2024 13:45

AAudreyHorne · 25/09/2024 09:49

I was feeling really sad about my marriage breakdown this morning.

But your thread has just reminded me that I no longer have to deal with my STBXH disgusting poo streaked undies anymore, and suddenly I feel better.

Thank you OP.

Edited

I sense the irony, but am also glad anything has made you feel better about your situation!

OP posts:

Rubyupbeat · 25/09/2024 13:58

Blimey, there is no excuse or need to have poo streaked underwear. The fact you are also being so relaxed about your son doing the same is awful.

StoneTheCrone · 25/09/2024 14:35

This is bringing back horrible memories.

I dated someone once when I was early thirties and after spending a couple of months getting to know each other, he booked a Cornish hotel for a weekend so that we could do the deed.

After the first night, i woke up in the morning to hear him say he was just getting up to make coffee, he pulled back the covers, got up, went to the tea making area and on the bed were poo streaks where he'd sat. I peered over the edge and there were his crud covered pants in a heap on the floor. Grim doesnt cover it. I feigned a migraine for the following night and then finished with him when we got back.

OP, your husband needs a bum gun and lessons in hygiene.

Scirocco · 25/09/2024 14:38

Barring medical grounds, it's unacceptable for a grown man to be unwilling to wipe his own arse.

Give him a book on toilet training. If that doesn't work, give him divorce papers.

Original poster

Safirexx · 25/09/2024 14:39

Rubyupbeat · 25/09/2024 13:58

Blimey, there is no excuse or need to have poo streaked underwear. The fact you are also being so relaxed about your son doing the same is awful.

I’m not at all relaxed - resigned maybe. If I was relaxed I wouldn’t be canvassing robust responses from a bunch of strangers on the internet, I assure you! I don’t know what I can do to change things apart from what I’ve already done. The separate wash solution really has been a last resort - and neither of them appears to mind doing it.

I’d also like to say there’s no question of punishing DS/ making him do a job I don’t want to do etc. We’ve taught everyone in the household to take some responsibility for their own laundry. I stopped trying to keep track of DS’s underwear years ago and told him he was in charge of making sure he had clean ones - I don’t think that is too much to expect from a teenager when it’s a matter of pressing a few buttons on a machine. So it was more like - since you’re doing a separate wash anyway and it might be a small one, add your dad’s at the same time to make a fuller load. His SEN issues explain why he might struggle but he’s more than capable of doing basic self care.

Again - DH does all his own laundry. Probably does DS’s as well. I don’t require anyone to do mine, I take care of it and don’t ever want DH to mix mine up with his and just wondered whether it was reasonable to feel this way seeing as DH doesn’t seem to get why I do. If he did, he wouldn’t be putting my clothes in with the very things I’ve asked him to wash separately, would he? When I’ve specifically asked him not to? That’s something to think about maybe - but I will do that away from this thread, I think!

Thanks to those who have suggested gastric health issues - something to explore.

Relationship comments are noted and I won’t be responding to those or clarifying but again, thanks for them all.

OP posts:

TamborineGal · 25/09/2024 14:51

Skiddy pants ????
Straight in the bin or in the post to His Mother to wash.
Lazy, uncaring men

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