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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to not want DH to wash my clothes with his streaky underwear

107 replies

Safirexx · 25/09/2024 09:23

My DH has a very relaxed attitude to leaving poo streaks in his underwear. It gives me the ick, and early on in our marriage it did upset me to be responsible for washing them and seeing all the streaks.

I told him this and asked him if he could please do his underwear himself and do it separately from the rest of the wash. (Or do a better job of not leaving streaks - up to him really.) I just don't like the idea of my clothes being washed in water that has poo in it.

As DS (16/ SEND) got older and does much the same, I showed DS how to wash his own underwear using bio detergent, and told him to add his dad's at the same time.

All was working well and I didn't even check anybody's underwear and felt much better about the state of the laundry generally.

However I've noticed recently a load of washing that had my clothes and DH's underwear all mixed in. It's very nice of DH to do my washing but I don't expect him to, and it's definitely hard to feel grateful when I think about my clothes being contaminated by his pants. 🤢

I don't know what the science is about this and wondered whether Mumsnetters would have a view.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 25/09/2024 11:38

I can't really get passed a grown adult man being relaxed about having shitty pants!

Is it a medical issue? My dp has Crohns so I have sympathy if it's something like that, but why doesn't he use pads? Has he seen a GP?

NoSnowdrop · 25/09/2024 11:39

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thursdaymurderclub · 25/09/2024 11:40

rather than showing a grown adult and your DS how to wash their dirty underwear, would your energy not have been better placed to teach the pair of them how to clean themselves after using the toilet thus negating this need to wash underwear separately?

FuckMiniBabybells · 25/09/2024 11:41

Have a bidet attachment fitted to the toilet, or buy a bottle so they can keep themselves clean. Your son obviously gets a pass, but there's absolutely no excuse for you husband to be walking around in skidmarked pants.
I can practically hear my grandmother's hands wringing from beyond the grave and asking "what if he got hit by a bus"

To answer your original op... no yanbu to not want your clothes washed along with shit stained pants. But this is no way to live.

rainfallpurevividcat · 25/09/2024 11:41

I sometimes have poo and blood streaks in my underwear. If I've leaked during a period I give my pants a quick wash in the sink, but otherwise just chuck it all in the washing machine.

MutleyCrew · 25/09/2024 11:42

I sympathise on the separate was, OP, I don't view a 40' wash as biologically clean, i.e sterile -which is what I would want shitty pants to be. And I would want him to use that Dettol laundry sanitiser in the machine.

I hope he has a really good shower before he comes to bed. But how can you trust someone with his yuk habits to even shower thoroughly?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 25/09/2024 11:45

Tell you husband to stop doing your laundry and to learn how to wipe his fucking arse.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 25/09/2024 11:45

@Safirexx can you not just tell you husband to clean his shitty arsehole when he has done a shit???? even if you have to embarass him in front of friends ie talking about laundry piles????? one wipe with loo roll just doesnt cut it!!

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 25/09/2024 11:46

@Safirexx on the other hand, if his undies are covered in shit, toss them in the bin!! he will eventually get the message when he runs out of undies!!!

BeerForMyHorses · 25/09/2024 11:49

If you don't want to wash shit stains pants (which is fair!) I don't see why you should expect DS to wash his dads shitty pants.

AgileGreenSeal · 25/09/2024 11:49

Nothingmatters · 25/09/2024 09:35

I don't understand why a grown man , and for that matter your DS, can't and won't clean themselves properly.
I can understand you not wanting to wash their underwear. But do you really sleep in the same bed as , and have sex with a man who can't clean his own backside?
And what about towels? Are they not marked in the same way?
I can't believe you put up with such disgusting hygiene standards.

I agree it’s disgusting & infantile behaviour but HOW, exactly, does one get a grown man to wipe his own bum properly?
If he doesn’t care, he doesn’t care.

Summertimer · 25/09/2024 11:54

OP I think you need to recognise that you may be letting a bit of an OCD response to washing creep in.

Nothingmatters · 25/09/2024 11:56

AgileGreenSeal · 25/09/2024 11:49

I agree it’s disgusting & infantile behaviour but HOW, exactly, does one get a grown man to wipe his own bum properly?
If he doesn’t care, he doesn’t care.

Show quote history

You can't make him do anything.

But you can vote with your feet and refuse to live with some one who has so little respect for the health, and normal sensibilities of others.
He obviously doesn't give a damn about anyone, including himself.

LostTheMarble · 25/09/2024 11:58

Summertimer · 25/09/2024 11:54

OP I think you need to recognise that you may be letting a bit of an OCD response to washing creep in.

I can’t see anywhere that the op says she has OCD? Might have missed it? I’m sure you’re not using the condition in a glib way and completely taking away from the actual issue…

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 25/09/2024 11:58

Fucking hell I would think of his shit stained pants every time I looked at him it it was more than a one off accident. Disgusting.

Katemax82 · 25/09/2024 11:59

Personally I would do a prewash if I had to wash shitty pants and put some zoflora in

dontcryformeargentina · 25/09/2024 11:59

OP just rewash your own clothes again and ask your DH under no circumstances to mix his load with yours. Explain why as well. Maybe it'll change his relaxed attitude to arse wiping.

Katemax82 · 25/09/2024 12:00

BeerForMyHorses · 25/09/2024 11:49

If you don't want to wash shit stains pants (which is fair!) I don't see why you should expect DS to wash his dads shitty pants.

Because ds also has shitty pants?

Potentialmadcatlady · 25/09/2024 12:00

Boke… I’m so glad I’m happily single..
My SEN adult son has been able to properly wash his bum hole since he was 7 or 8 and he has a significant bowel condition in his long list of health problems. I can’t believe you put up with this.. what about bed sheets? Yuck yuck yuck

Sockmate123 · 25/09/2024 12:03

I'm feeling nauseas reading this. There's bigger issues than who does the washing. Get them to clean their areas properly, good God my 9 year old SEN daughter doesn't have streaks on hers!!

AgileGreenSeal · 25/09/2024 12:03

Nothingmatters · 25/09/2024 11:56

You can't make him do anything.

But you can vote with your feet and refuse to live with some one who has so little respect for the health, and normal sensibilities of others.
He obviously doesn't give a damn about anyone, including himself.

Show quote history

True, except for the last two words.

The filthy man I was thinking of is my ex son-in-law - a raving narcissist and domestic abuser, who cares only about himself.

Sadly he is co-parenting two of my grandchildren and yes, he doesn’t clean them properly either. Presents himself to anyone who will give him attention as superdad at every opportunity though. 😞

Summertimer · 25/09/2024 12:04

LostTheMarble · 25/09/2024 11:58

I can’t see anywhere that the op says she has OCD? Might have missed it? I’m sure you’re not using the condition in a glib way and completely taking away from the actual issue…

Show quote history

It reads like quite an over reaction to just above average levels of staining. Describing this as contamination. The answer to the problem is to wash separately but try not to get too fussed if that doesn’t happen.

TwinklyAmberOrca · 25/09/2024 12:06

You married and had a child with someone that cannot wipe their bum properly! 😳

LostTheMarble · 25/09/2024 12:06

Summertimer · 25/09/2024 12:04

It reads like quite an over reaction to just above average levels of staining. Describing this as contamination. The answer to the problem is to wash separately but try not to get too fussed if that doesn’t happen.

Show quote history

Or the answer is until the husband learns to wipe his own bum he has to make a full and extra effort to wash his own skiddies and not put any blame on the (rightfully disgusted) op and suggest she has a MH issue because she’s fed up?

Josephinesnapoleon · 25/09/2024 12:08

TheNoodlesIncident · 25/09/2024 09:58

I applaud your decision to train your DS to do his and his father's stinking laundry, but why haven't they simply learned to clean their bums thoroughly after pooing? Isn't that the first thing to address before resigning yourself to separating laundry into normal soiling <cough> and noxious soiling?

Get those toilet wipes and a bathroom bin with close fitting lid, if you don't already, and tell them to scrub their backsides better in future. I wouldn't have let my DS grow up thinking poo stained grundies is normal and OK.

You applaud it? Getting a child with additional needs to launder his father’s shitty pants. Are you kidding me?