To make a new male dad friend

The guy isn’t single. He’s just off work that day so it’s his day to watch his kid. He swapped numbers because the kids got on and it means they can play together.

I’ve that done loads of times, at school, at clubs, at the park, at swimming.

Mumsnet is full of weirdos.

I don't see anything unusual, let alone untoward, in making new friends of the opposite sex, and hanging out with them one-on-one if those happen to be the easiest circumstances. Done it many times, so has DP.

But then I'm not in a relationship that's ever required couples counselling.

Would he have asked for your number if you'd been a man? No.

It's very clear from your messages that this isn't about the children playing, it's about you wanting to make friends with this man. You're just using the playdate to facilitate it. I'm not surprised your husband is unhappy about it.

My DH was the main carer when our DS was young. He often met with mothers (and fathers) for play dates, at the playground etc. I was happy for him and my DS. However, we had and have a very strong relationship, made me feel secure

It's balancing things out too. OPs DH is clearly unsettled by it so what's more important, having a play date or DHs feelings? Not going on the play date isn't going to cause the OP any harm but going on it could cause harm to the marriage.

@DesigningWoman I was meaning friends that were made before the relationship to her DH.

Yes you have created it. And you know it.

Case in point here, the other side:
www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5142738-feel-that-dh-friendship-with-woman-is-destroying-our-marriage

Send your dh instead

The real question to ask yourself is: If this were my husband going on a playdate with a single mum, how would I feel?

You might say you'd be okay with it, but is that truly how you feel or is it just for MN appearances? If you're genuinely fine with it, then by all means, do what you feel is best. But if not, don't be a hypocrite.

If it was Christmas dinner with the family it would be fine too. But it's not.

It's going to meet a single dad that she's met once at the swimming pool, while going through couples therapy - where her husband will be at the time she's meeting aforementioned single dad. None of this is a rational reason for DH to get jealous, but people are not rational beings.

Obviously OP is not BU at all. But it won't do any good for her relationship with DH

But if it was a playdate with a mum?

It's just a playdate. Unless she's a past cheat and hasn't disclosed that, he's choosing to read more into it which is totally unfair

Isn't it understandable to be insecure when your marriage is on the rocks to the extent that it requires counselling?

I don't think it's always a problem, but given the fact your marriage is on the rocks and the dad is separated from his wife, I just don't think it's wise at the moment. Prioritise your husband's feelings during this rocky time for you both.

I read posts like this - and some of the replies - and thank god that my husband wouldn't give two hoots about who I was meeting up with

All these predatory people, just prowling around 'the marriage' waiting to pounce.

So ridiculous. It's so insignificant an issue that it barely needed mentioning. I wouldn't allow my husband to try and dictate to me who I could see and under what circumstances I could see them - you have free agency to do what you want and marriage shouldn't change that

(Of course - if your plans are to shag him tian that's a whole different scenario! I say all the above taking you at face value ... you met someone, kids got on, you might have stuff in common with him so a friendship could be on the cards... great!)

Your husband is insecure and jealous, neither of which would endear him to me

It sounds absolutely fine to me and you've been open.

I'm sure you're not going to drip feed that you're in counselling because you played away with another dad.

I think having friendships of either sex is perfectly normal. A mate has a dad friend she goes to the pub with, her Dh is perfectly happy with that.

I wonder whether you laboured the point about DH being sure about meeting another man, making it sound a bit dodgy?

If this was a man making this post in the same the tone of responses would be very different.

All old friends start off as new acquaintances, though. And no wonder Mners are so often posting about being lonely if they automatically discount half the human race as potential friends!

I wouldn't do it. Your husband is at couples counselling whilst you meet up with some guy 🤣. Husband probably feels like a total mug

Thinking about if my DH did this, I wouldn't like it nor would appreciate it. If it was an old friend it wouldn't bother me but to meet up with a new woman, I would find inappropriate.

I can see where your DH is coming from although he's probably not communicating his feelings very effectively.

I can see why your DH would be uncomfortable with this, you've said yourself you'd be uncomfortable with it if the tables were turned. It's unfortunate that instead of addressing it like a grown up and telling you immediately that he wasn't happy, he chose to be passive aggressive and make 'jokes' before getting angry that you hadn't worked out how cross he was. Hopefully the couples counselling will address his difficulties in communicating his feelings. I wouldn't be meeting up with the other dad again, it's an extra hassle you don't need while you're working on your marriage.

I wouldn't be comfortable with this

Meeting up with the Dad whilst your DH has counselling does seem like a bit of a kick in the nuts.

Does he have opposite sex siblings? I read some study that men with no sisters often believe men and women can't be just friends.