To think it's ridiculous to fall out over a Facebook post ?

I texted her the same morning to apologise for my part in the argument

At this point, you could have

A. Made good the threat to go non contact, or

B. Decided you needed to keep up the drama

and you chose B.

Either you want this baby in your life, or you don't

You sound as bad as each other - next time, give Facebook a miss and get some prints for an album and stop making photos of your child public

"lovely holiday with my little family"

That sounds like a very deliberate and very public dig at your mother.

i can absolutely understand why she saw that facebook post as a dig. I’m afraid I’m another one who thinks you’re both total drama llamas.

She's been spiteful, you've been spiteful. Do you want her to have a relationship with your child? If so, I suggest you swallow your pride and edit your fb post. If not, do nothing. What does your DH think?

Why are you so desperate to have her in your life? You threw out a fairly strong ultimatum and caved, sending the message that your words have no meaning. You apologise and sweep things under the rug and yet also acknowledge that she’s emotionally controlling, stubborn and treats you, your husband and his family poorly.

im not saying never see her again, im saying you need some distance and some iron clad boundaries. For instance, no holidays together, visits where you pack up and leave when she behaves poorly, following through on your words (which means you need to be careful what you threaten), ignoring any emotional manipulations and not getting caught up in playing her games.

Stop trying to play happy families because you aren't. Your Mother is emotionally abusive and exhibits toxic behaviour. You then react and because you haven't been given the skills to react healthy, you also use emotional manipulation. Your DD is going to see all this as normal behavior.

Don't use her as childcare. Stop going on holiday together and go LC. Don't make the first move, leave her to stew.

You both had an argument, said some silly things to each other. You reached out and apologised first, she refused to apologise for her part and then got upset over a Facebook post (a post which was probably spiteful but was made when neither of you were speaking!).

On balance neither of you look particular good in this but, given you reached out and she chose to further the argument, I would give her space to reach out to you to put an end to it. I wouldn’t think of it as relationship ending though, just a silly tiff where you both need space.

It was a deliberately “just me and mine” post about your holiday, OP, so you may as well own up to that. “My little family” doesn’t include the grandparents who were on holiday with you, so you were clearly thumbing your nose at them.

The whole thing sounds petty and awful. You said something horrible. You say she did as well.

Apologising “but only if you say sorry as well” is not apologising.

Why threaten that if you weren’t prepared to do it? It’s a very cruel thing to say and I would have been very hurt by that if I was your mum. You can justify it now but if what you said was what was in your original post then it absolutely was said as if you were going to withhold your child from her- you didn’t just say “I’m not speaking to you for awhile” you said she wouldn’t see her granddaughter grow up!

You both need to learn to communicate better, and I do think posting “My little family” is deliberate to make it look like your parents weren’t involved/there.

Let me guess your dm paid for the holiday?

Honestly you probably just need to take a breather from the drama, let the dust settle and see if you can clear the air when emotions have died down a bit. Both you and your mum sound like you could work on how you react in an argument and that’s not going to happen so soon after a blow up. Good luck as there’s loads to unpick it seems x

Why did you write 'with my little family'? You know your mum, you knew what buttons you were pressing and you did it anyway. Now she has reacted like you knew she would react you are upset.

There is 2 of you in this, you clearly have form for pressing her buttons, telling her she wouldn't see her granddaughter grow up, not acknowledging her presence on your holiday. I'm sure she has form for pressing your buttons too. Maybe a break from each other is needed and better boundaries, keep things nice and airy and superficial if you do start speaking again.

Then don’t get drawn into it .. you are an adult.

I have an emotionally manipulative, gaslighting, fairly horrible mother - I just ignore it when she starts, somebody can’t argue with themselves.

The apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree.
You're both as bad as each other.

I believe threatening your mother with not seeing her granddaughter grow up is cruel. Probably the worst possible thing anyone could say to a grandmother and in my opinion unforgiveable.

Sounds a bit ike mother like daughter shenanigans here.

That's fine, but please don't use your kid as a weapon or shell turn into both of you and pass pettiness on down the generations. Time to break the mold.

For the minute just enjoy some time apart. It sounds alike you feed off each other a bit.

Your Facebook pist strongly implies that you, your husband and baby were on a family holiday alone. Given the falling out with your mum, I understand why she thinks you've done that purposefully.

Do you appreciate that apologising doesn’t fix everything though? If I ever said something like that to my mum I wouldn’t expect a “sorry” to make that better.

And to be honest if you’re able to make that threat it does seem bizarre that you’re then worried about her “abandoning” you. You were prepared to cut her out of your life, and threatened to, but now are surprised she’s not bothering with you?

Christ. Your mum needs to get a grip.

Yes sorry I somehow skipped the first line but my point still stands - why start another thread on the same issue?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5165098-grandma-drama