My MiL has flounced out of Christmas

We stopped doing Christmas with MIL in 2019 - We now go away every year! Fed up with the "my way or the highway approach"... Every Christmas she spits her dummy out, ignores DH, buys us useless presents whilst showcasing BIL pile of neatly wrapped gifts and then the drama around a day before we leave (illness, freezer breaking down etc). Hubby used to have FOG but not now.. We have made it clear - she made her bed and now she can lie it in it. We have been punished ever since and are very close to NC due to her ridiculous behaviour.

Use this year as benchmark to break the cycle.

Why do so many family members put upon others and want to make them miserable at Christmas time?
It goes against what it should be about.
Could you books nice restaurant just for you, DH and DC? Then if MIL cancels nearer the time…
Oh I’m so sorry Norma, we’ve already booked into The Exclusive Can’t Get A Booking Now Venue. What a shame.
She must be horrible company as well.
Start getting in the mood now. I know the Christmas Movie channel is up on ITVx - normally stuff like they makes me heave but this year if I were you I’d go all-in.
And definitely book a foreign trip next year!

Yay! Do it OP!
I'm also fed up with family members permanently on the take and having the most ridiculous high expectations of what they expect everyone else to do and how others should behave towards them. These people usually do bugger all to organise things and host themselves too!

Sod her and have the best Christmas OP!

Sounds like the best present she could have (inadvertently) given you... I hope you have a wonderful time without her and her malign influence.

And I agree with others that if your DH is insisting on future events then he should be the doer and facilitator... You and your DC deserve to have Christmases of your choosing too, not dancing around spinning every conceivable wobbly plate, lest MIL be incandescent should one fall...

If you haven't already come across it, you may find the Stately Homes threads on MN helpful (latest here: August 2024 - But we took you to Stately Homes! | Mumsnet) - in case such things and additional fortitude/solidarity become necessary in the future. Much wisdom, advice, kindness and understanding is there (and mercifully no "I would NEVER treat my mother like that", "You only get one mum!", "You're heartless to a misunderstood old lady!" type posts. Those people don't know what it's like to deal with these individuals, who enjoy the drama and havoc they wreak and actively suck joy like leeches on a vein from the "family" they pretend to love).

Best wishes to you. Merry Christmas! 🎄

@ItsOhSoQuietThisChristmas from one who has hosted christmas day for 14 people for the last 40 years and just 8 for the last 3 years you are definitely not being unreasonable!! I would actually relish a christmas day of seeing no one but hubby and just eating beans on toast instead of the whole 10 course kaboodle which accompanies christmas!!! a couple of weeks to clean the house, and purchase all presents and buy all the food, a few hours to cook it, it is eaten in about 30-45 minutes but takes days to clear up and dishwasher is on at least 5 times, then putting all china back and all the cutlery! all single handed! absolutely exhausted doing it all every year! we even used to have father christmas pay a visit for the kids so that was even more presents to buy!

Is it too early to book your 2025 Christmas holiday? Get that sorted ASAP.

You all need to let the “hell” she elicits wash over you so it stops having any effect. Think of her as a giant, silly baby.

Christmas wouldn't be Christmas unless you are somewhere warm, on holiday! Do what makes you happy, it is the season of joy and goodwill!

Has Dh seriously said he wants to invite extended in laws instead?! Has he really got no clue??

See this OP.... I'd want to see copies of the non-refundable booking, notarised in triplicate...

Do exactly what you want. Balls to them! Chin chin 🥂

I really, really hate all the expectations around Christmas. It's just got stupid and too big. I don't engage, generally, but then I feel like a right old grinch.
Let's hope MIL has really booked a holiday. And i agree with other posters that DH needs to do his bit.

My MIL does this. Then she announces (close to the date) that she’s changed her mind. The DC are expected to change their plans, which they do, because they’re scared to not do what she says. 🙄 They all think it’s normal because they grew up with her fuckery.

I did the unthinkable last year just me OH and older kids went away for Christmas!! Went down like lead balloon! On lead up I was called worse than muck told I’d ruined Christmas for everyone… blah blah! We held out …went away had the best Christmas in long while! Grandparents and extended got over it!
Going away again this year! Personally, for me I think I’ve done my time 20 years hosting Christmas which were never fun for me so its someone else’s go 😂

Thank you 😊

Who are the extended family that DH wants to invite? Could you not go to theirs for a change? Only of course if you want to!
Otherwise, I would get yourselves booked up to go wherever you fancy. I would suspect MIL is bluffing, and may yet wish to spend Christmas with you, and the extended family, at yours when her holiday is mysteriously cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

This

Oh come on. Christmas is religious AND cultural, to most people in the UK it’s about spending time with loved ones.

Has she actually booked the holiday, or is she just threatening to so that everyone begs her to stay? Make your arrangements, and if she "changes her mind"; sorry MIL, too late!

Book away like booking is going out of fashion. Book as if you life depended on it for the old bst may change her mind.

Book a little getaway and let the chips fall as they may. Let her stew and enjoy some festive sun.

Good plan. This year you need a pre-Christmas get away, before MiL goes away! Maybe a German city break with Christmas markets, or a bit of winter sunshine.

Blimey

I’m curious, what form does the flouncing take? What kind of attention does she want for simply…going on holiday?

Live your BEST life! You don't have to live with the FOG.

Sounds like an absolute win to me! Book yourself something a LONG way away from her, maybe leaving about 10 Dec and coming back for New Year?

What exactly has your husband been doing to help each year?