To feel guilty my children have nothing

@EI12 What a nasty post.

Google daysoutwithkids and enter your local area. Comes up with loads of free activities.

Treasure trails are about a tenner but will occupy you all for a few hours. Just a walk trying to find clues to solve mysteries. Can be printed out several times and swapped with other families if you know others who might like to do them.
Also geocaching. Not sure if there is any it’s involved there, but I don’t think so.

I take my hat off to anyone who has left a very abusive relationship. It's absolutely the best thing you could ever do for your kids. So, as others have said, please don't be so hard in yourself!

You've had some great advice on here op. Just sending some sisterly love to you 💖🙌

So sorry you are going through this op. I've been there and am thankfully coming out the other end of it now. It took 6 years though.

Have a look at a budgeting advance from Universal credit. This is not the advance you get when waiting for your first payment, it's for clothing, furniture, and white goods. You'll have to pay it back each month from your UC, usually about £50 per month.

Also, have a look at ALL the help you're entitled to in your area. It's there for people like you and your family. You will come out the other side and life will be so much better xxx

It may feel like the worst thing for them not having things but in the long run they will thank you for protecting them and out of the environment. It will take time to get back on your feet xxx

OP many secondary schools need exam invigilators to work in the exam season, May/June, for GCSEs & A levels. Might that be something you could aim for as a stepping stone back into more work? Flexible schedule, low stress etc.

Are you claiming everything you are entitled to? Do you have school clothing grant? (Might be a different name where you are).
Why can’t you work? (Can you get pip, do you need help to claim?)
Help with rent and council tax?

You are an amazing mum for saving yourself and your children from abuse, despite it being financially difficult.

I know affluent parents who won’t do holidays with their children for various reasons, kids have pads or go to clubs etc (which they hate). Try not to compare, you are doing the best you can.

Also meant to say how brilliant you are to have escaped an abusive marriage.

Your thread got me thinking about school holidays when I was younger.
My parents have a traditional marriage,.my Dad worked and my Mum was a SAHM.
He worked in a factory and with 6 children money could be tight but we never knew it.

We didn't have holidays,.my parents didn't even drive but we were clothed, fed and warm.
We made our own fun in the school holidays, very few people went away and so we never knew any different.
What we did have was trips out with the Sunday School - maybe 2.a year all over the place and always good fun.

In fact now as someone in their 40's I don't know many families that have a holiday a year but what I do see is families having a lot of fun doing free or low cost activities.

I second HAF programme,.in my area its managed by the.District Council and different providers offer different things.
Look out for activities coming in the October half term as you'll likely have to book.
Libraries often have free activities as well as museums etc

OP, your kids have roof over their head, food in their stomachs, school uniform ready, and no doubt go to sleep feeling loved by a wonderful mother. Give yourself a break, you're doing a great job xxx

@Iwishihad

you've done so well getting away from him. Is he paying CMS?

Definitely follow up all the suggestions and hopefully you'll find additional financial support, help with clothing, & household stuff.

my fried is 62 M & he's getting therapy for C-PTSD from a local charity via the GP referral. He's paying because he's working, but they do it based on what you can afford, many people don't pay a penny. Even at 62 it's helping him. His trauma is childhood based & he's working through it.

best wishes xx

oh & pay no attention to your voting numbers, because it's not clear how to vote! What the actual question is/too many nuances.

but you've done the right thing, you & your boys will get through this. Just look out for each other.

there are lots of things you can all play together with pen & paper, pack of cards, cheap football.

the older ones will join in if you sell it to them as helping the younger ones (& enjoy it, but not lose face, IF they're doing it for the younger ones)

The best thing you could have done for your kids was leaving an abusive relationship. Stone cold hero you are.

Our local schools gave uniform swaps/sales/giveaways in the summer hols, might be worth checking. They also provide food vouchers to cover lunches over the school hols.

We live in a pretty deprived area and there's been loads organised for kids over the summer. My boss has 2 kids who've been to a theme park, bouldering, surfing and the oldest one's doing an outward bound style trip for 3 days next week. All activities have been free through a local youth club. They've also had football camp and there were loads of sport themed activities around the Olympics.

Most of our local attractions have very heavily subsidised rates for families in receipt of benefits and there's some great volunteering opportunities with local wildlife trust.

It is worth checking the local council website. It will signpost you to help available.

I think it’s clear you really are going to HAVE to get a decent job as not working isn’t doing the best for any of you. You have PTSD yes but that can and will get better and you are feeling pretty much terrible now in your current situation so try to move forwards and make it better. Make a plan to yourself that the next school holidays will see your family a better financial position to do some things with them.

one summer being bored - is nothing compared to having a loving mum who got them out of a dangerous situation.

As they get older they can get part time jobs over summer or other holidays - and then they will have a bit of pocket money too.

People who want to work, find work without suggestions like this, believe me. Even those who need work permits find work if they want to, with all the difficulties with work permits, etc.

You might know this already but your school will be able to help you find the HAF programmes for summer - or for future holidays.

Look at coats for kids on facebook - post where you are and what you need. Also second Swagbucks, YouGov and the like.

Op - if you are on free school meals there should be HAF programmes over summer where you are?

Are you in a city? Or town?

Your school might point you to free clubs/ youth clubs etc - I live in a large town/ small city - and there are some free clubs and programmes that have survived austerity.

Please don't feel ashamed - it's disgusting the society we live in with so little for kids to do that is free - we have lost youth clubs, play schemes etc in the past decade from austerity - I wish and hope we see one day that all these return so all children can have what they need over the long holidays.

Are you friendly with other mums and could plan to get the kids together?

Exactly. Be proud of yourself!.

YANBU for feeling so useless at all. But you do give your dc the greatest gift that a Mother can give them - your love, care and attention - and they will thrive on that. So many dc, provided with more material wealth than yours don't get that love and it shows.

When I realized that I was going to be poor for a very long time I made sure that my ds was sound and secure as being 'poor' wasn't going to change any time soon. And you have 4 dc which you can't just hold with only 2 hands so serious business.

Forget the people who may have 'more' - it can just as easily go all 'tits up' for them too - just treat your parenting role as your current career and be excellent at it. The good stuff will come later xxx

@Lavenderblossoms is this a therapy you pay for or available on the NHS?

@Iwishihad As someone who also left a very abusive relationship, let me tell you, you have given your dc the greatest gift they could possibly have. They have the chance of better lives away from an abusive man. Practically, plenty of advice here, please take whatever help, support and resources are available to you. No one deserves them more than you and your dc. You are the best mother those dc could have.

I don't know if it's been mentioned already but next school holiday look for the HAF programme. It's kind of like holiday club and each child or young person who attends gets lunch. Other than that have you tried your local Family Hub or Children's Centre. Staff there can help with benefits and signpost you to any local charities or groups that may provide food, clothing, vouchers. I think you are brave and courageous and I wish you all the very best.

The majority of schools have a Pastoral Care team. They are not just there for the children, but for parents too. Contact your children's school, ask to speak to Pastoral Care, and explain the situation. Most can point you in the right direction to access help. Are you receiving any support, as in counselling, for your PTSD? Pastoral Care may be able to help. Medication may help short-term but therapy is what you need. I had PTSD, and had counselling, to talk through my feelings, to help cope with panic attacks etc.

I don’t have anything to add onto the fabulous advice you have already been given but just wanted to send a hug. You are brilliant ⭐️