I don't get it? I need help understanding 😔

"They don't have any summer holiday abroad, even 2 days!!"

This is really an awful, entitled statement. Your children don't have any summer holiday abroad? Numerous families don't even go abroad/haven't ever been abroad/can't afford to go abroad... We haven't been abroad since before COVID and that in itself was a privilege. This is a blinkered and shallow view. You've been spoilt and don't realise how lucky you've been to have regular holidays abroad.

Wow, that was a tricky read but if I understood it correctly, I've no idea what the issue is. They booked a holiday, grandparents decided afterwards to go join in the separate accommodation which is absolutely their right - no big deal. Maybe they will want to come out again when you go in September?

Clearly a lot to unpack with your relationship, op, and I'm with everyone who says you cant force more where more is not wanted.

You talk about your son being upset when he facetimes the PIL and upset when he realises he has been left out: the thing is, hes 5. You can distract and focus those emotions. If hes picking up anything negative and of concern, itll be driven by you and your DH. He wont be worried or upset unless you are - so accept the way things are and enjoy your little family unit. Make good memories.

Massive improvement there @BadLad

I just asked chatgpt to turn @ILuvfur5 's clearer version into goobledygook that nobody can understand. Here's what I got.

Wobble Wobble:
• I’ve got a zippy-zip 9-month-old squish (ZZ), a three-squeezy-year-old whizzy (ZZW), and a five-flop-year-old bouncy (FFB). • My in-fizzles are fab-tastic, and my wee ones have a squiggly-woo connection with their flipper-dippers, particularly the five-flop, who thinks they’re his fizz-fizz pals.

Bibbity-Bobbity Background:
• My squizzle-in-law (SIL) has a wibbly 8-year-old twizzle, a five-flop squish, and a tiny-tiny 2-year-old bundle. • My in-fizzles (PIL) have a nuzzle-nook across the pond, a family snuggle since the 1990s. • Typically, we all muddle to the nuzzle-nook together.

Current Squiggle:
• This year, SIL zoomed off on a doodle holiday with chums, ditching our usual snuggle fest. They zoomed to August, which synced with our globe-trotter plans. • But, the all-inclusive doodad was sky-high, so we twiddled our thumbs and planned to snooze till next year.

Wobble Plan:
• My husband was set on a globetrotting spree, so we snagged a week at the in-fizzle’s nuzzle-nook in early September. My munchkins were all jiggle-jump about the pool and grandparent shenanigans.

Twizzle Discovery:
• I spotted my father-in-fizzle (FIF) in a Facebook flick by SIL, which twizzled my noggin. I thought he’d popped over for a spontaneous weekend hop. • Turns out both in-fizzles were snugged in their tiny burrow on the property.

Why I’m Twirled Up:
• My munchkins don’t see their grand peeps often, even though we’re a hop and a skip (300 meters) away. When we jet abroad, they revel in grandparent snuggles. • The globetrotting trips seem extra-special when we’re abroad, as the in-fizzles are more poppy-sparkle engaged. • Yet, this time, in-fizzles are having a mini-jiggly trip with SIL’s bunch, leaving us out. No word or invite, which feels like a squishy betrayal. • When we probed, they shrugged it off as a “friend’s doodle” from SIL. • My husband tried to voice his twizzles, but was met with a “not justified” and “guilt-gobble,” which left him all floppy and low.

Wobble Worries:
• I’m fuming because this was a missed chance for grand peep time, especially since the summer globetrotting didn’t happen. • I fear my munchkins, especially the five-flop, might be all twisty and hurt if they hear about this from their flipper-dippers. • I’m also in a muddle, not wanting to weigh down my husband with my fluster when he’s already feeling the funk.

AIBU (Am I Being Unfizzled)?
• I don’t reckon I’m unfizzled for feeling this way. As a mumma bear, I want to shield my munchkins’ feels, and I’m all kinds of disappointed with this squiggle. • Seeking some wibble-wobble advice, as this is a major boggle, and I don’t want it to stew in my noggin.

The holiday to my relatives was always on the cards and the fact that my SIL was going with friends was never the issue. Also may have gone to PIL house too later in the year (paid too) all inclusive too expensive so settled on the latter anyway

I’m not being deliberately obtuse but still don’t understand with your update. This is what I have from your initial post and update, is it right or wrong:

-SIL decided to holiday with their friends this year instead of yourselves. This was at the holiday house of your PIL.
-Your PIL had no intention of holidaying with SIL and her friends, however the cottage on the grounds that was booked by another party unrelated to SIL (AirB&B?) was cancelled at late notice. So, while it was never planned, they decided to take advantage of the empty cottage to go to their holiday location they obviously enjoy.
-You are angry that PIL took advantage of the unexpected cancellation decision to use their holiday location as it meant they would see SIL/family while they are there?

Can you clarify what I have correct vs incorrect, as it would help as I am still fairly lost tbh.

I think they just wanted a different holiday this year. I can see you’re disappointed, but honestly can’t see why you’ve built it into such a big thing?

Crikey, your posts are still incoherent and near.impossible to decipher.

You and your in-laws just aren't compatible and don't like each other. It's very easy to see. They've done nothing wrong.

OP, your little boy is violent, destructive and unpunishable at home and at school but behaves perfectly when with your husband’s family, a complete angel, never putting a foot wrong.
With the best will in the world, I just can’t understand this. I mean I know that a young child can behave perfectly at school and then as soon as they see the parents at home time, they can let out all their frustrations of the school day on them. But the behaviour described is very alarming and I think you might need specialist help for your little boy to find out what is going wrong for him.
You know him best so why do YOU think his behaviour is so different at home and at school compared to his perfect behaviour with is grandparents ?

As to your original problem of your in laws favouring your SIL’s family, I think you are going to have to try to remain calm and put it out of your mind. Your PIL are living their lives and sharing themselves with your family as much as they want to and you can do nothing about that. You are entitled to nothing more than they want to give. The same goes for your SIL and family. Be happy in your understanding that nothing is ever equal in families even if you think it should be. You can’t control other people’s thinking. Just be grateful for your own family.

Try to concentrate on helping your own little boy, by getting to the root of his problems in your own home. He desperately needs your help and if you yourself feel at odds with the world, he will suffer even more from that. He needs your love, warmth, positivity, understanding, protection and stability. Try and get some sort of therapy for yourself to make sure you can minimise the dramas and stresses in your life.

Wow, on this basis you have to stop expecting and trying to make happen a relationship with your step family that is one-sided, painful to your husband and is bound to become painful for your DS too. Enjoy your own family and make plans to spend more time with your own relatives.

OP, your SIL and BIL were being perfectly reasonable to say they wanted to do one year of holidaying with friends. It’s perfectly fine to trade off between family trips and friend trips, and do in-country gatherings at other times in the off years. A four hour drive is not a big deal.

Your PIL were perfectly reasonable to go to their own holiday home when a cancellation came up. They absolutely should not be staying away from their home while their child and grandchildren are there just to avoid you and your DH feeling jealous.

I understand, as do most OP, that you value your children having time with their GP. It would have been incredibly reasonable to ask your PIL if they could join you and your children at the holiday home on a different week or plan an in-country weekend outing together. Unfortunately you have now gone “bat shit” over your unreasonable jealousy and you’ve likely missed the opportunity to do that. They rightly won’t appreciate being treated like criminals for spending time at their own holiday home. Apologize sincerely for your behavior, then later you can go about initiating grandparent time for your children in a non-crazy way.

their cousins live 15 mins away and they can spends lots of quality time with them. My children live 300 miles away and very infrequently see their them -

Move nearer then if you want to be closer emotionally and to see them more often. If their DD (your SIL) is that close I'm assuming your DH moved away.

My maternal GP lived 2 hours away and my paternal GP 5 hours away (who we saw once a year). I survived. I was close to my maternal GP because I regularly wrote letters and sent postcards. This was before everyone had a landline in their house, so you got close in other ways. Can't you facetime or zoom or write letters or send videos or phonecalls etc if you want that closer connection?

Actually how much effort does DH make to speak to his parents every week, or does he expect his parents to be the ones to do it?

Your post is disjointed and makes absolutely no sense.

''You also need to consider that given your own frustration and challenges re: your DS's behaviour why other people might not want to spend precious annual leave and holiday time dealing with the same thing.''

This.

Parents too often become immune to their own child's poor behaviours-

If a child is disruptive, throws toys at other children's heads {old post} and bites stuff, then it's understandable why others don't want their children subjected to that on a holiday.
The in-laws are probably older than you, OP by at least 30 years, and older people want an easier life - they have done their child rearing.

It's human nature to like an ''easy'' child- I do think that the in laws or sister in law don't want to have a big mixture of noisy frantic children around them on a holiday.

Far better to see the in laws without sister in law and her children being there.

Oh my goodness. They just want to enjoy their holiday without this behaviour.

For context:

"BUT, his bad behaviour is so unpredictable and he's unpunishable. He's destructive, having pulled off newly renovated paint from our interior. He's bitten the side of his bed, he's rough with other children. He throws things, lashes out - hitting kicking etc. I buy him really comfortable and expensive school shoes (sized and fitted so his feet grow properly - he rips out the insoles in less than 2 weeks! He's bitten and broken three water bottles, cut holes in 3 school jumpers and the list goes on. Nothing works to discipline him. It's really worrying."

As much as you are in "lioness mode" to protect your children maybe consider that your SIL feels the same about hers. That she doesn't want their holiday spent protecting her children from your DS who is "rough" with other children and prone to hitting and kicking?

With the added context of your other thread OP have you considered that whilst your "unpunishable" and badly behaved DS loves being with his cousins and your in-laws that they might find his behaviours and your inability to parent him effectively not conducive to a relaxing holiday?

In that situation that they might not want to hurt feelings by telling you this which is why you and your DH were not informed/invited to PIL holiday home this year with them?

Is it ok to be upset about this - yes of course.

But you also need to consider that given your own frustration and challenges re: your DS's behaviour why other people might not want to spend precious annual leave and holiday time dealing with the same thing.

Doesn't make any sense. Why have you written it like this?

Here: This is probably the reason the in laws want a peaceful holiday until the child can be controlled.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/parenting/4823243-unpunishable

Sorry, zoned out at the 4th paragraph....What exactly are you livid with, in 1 sentence please

Well that explains a lot.

No one wants to have a holiday disrupted by a disruptive, loud, disobedient, attention seeking child. Purgatory.

A quick user search shows OP has an 'unparentable' child which I dare say has a lot to do with the rest of the family holidaying separately. Interestingly she was on another thread telling someone that their In laws absolutely could not dictate what that OPs family did at Christmas, where they went or who they spent it with so looks like OP should be self aware enough to see her In Laws have just done that themselves and made their own plans not including her, probably because she has a tendency to ramble and be LIVID at the slightest thing