Is this not looking after myself?

I had roughly the same number of outfits as you for a decade or so when the kids were young. Then I bought several more pairs of jeans, but they all looked the same, it was just easier not having to wash them too urgently.

I did not care that much about my appearance at the time. I was neat and clean but that was about it. I don’t care about fashion, I wasn’t dressing to project a particular image for work, and I reject the idea I need to be decoration for anyone. So I had basic clothes that were functional and comfortable. It worked for me then. When the kids were older and I had a bit more time again I started buying a bit more variety. But not a lot. I’m just not that interested. I don’t want to spend much time or money on it. That isn’t me not looking after myself. It’s me not buying into the idea that I have to provide others with something interesting to look at or that it’s important to my wellbeing to be interested in style and beauty. A man would almost certainly not have someone comment that they wear the same thing all the time.

But - I didn’t avoid buying something I needed. And I didn’t buy the least/cheapest of everything for me to make sure the money was available for the rest of the family to have more expensive stuff. I would see that as you not looking after yourself. Not because your basic needs aren’t met but because you are valuing others above yourself.

If you’re saving for a house, that’s not a bad reason to cut your budget on other things. If you’re just not spending money on yourself because you don’t think you are worth it, then that’s not so good.

Edited: Just seen the post about your debt. I would certainly be wanting to clear that more than I’d want lots of clothes.

Let’s be serious here OP, would it make a huge difference if you spent £20 a month on clothes instead of putting it towards the debt?

I hate debt and always promote paying that first. But £20 is unlikely to make a dent and you could buy yourself 2 tops for that money this month. Then next month a new pair of jeans / trousers. You suddenly have a few other options in your wardrobe.

October you could get yourself a nice jumper, November and December you could keep an eye on sales for some new shoes.

Come on, that’s only £100 by the end of the year and a few decent extra outfits, if you really feel too anxious about spending lots and lots of money on yourself.

Do you have plans to clear the debt and move forward?

The amount of clothes a person has isn't an adequte measure of how well they look after themselves.

Basic clothing to cover various occasions and weather is an essential purchase.

At some stage your dd will also care about what her mum wears.

I’m wearing a top today that I realised I’ve had since 1999 - it’s older than my kids!!
wear what you want and what you like. You don’t need loads of clothes and if you’re comfortable and happy then crack on!

But you're happy to dress your DD in decent clothes?

What difference would £100 or so actually make to your debt, really?

You think occasionally spending £20 on a couple of things from Vinted is what’s going to keep you from getting on the property ladder?

What do you and your DD eat? Do you live on lentils and gruel? Do you go on days out? Do you ever meet up with friends and have a meal or a coffee? The cinema?

Basically, are you frugal with everything or just with your clothing?

Even doubling that would still be a scant quantity of clothes, but would be a better insurance against laundry issues or selecting clothes for different weather conditions.

More clothes= wearing out over a longer period of time.

It's down to you how you dress ultimately, but you don't seem to have many clothes for the different seasons?

As others have said, VINTED can be good and so can some charity shops.

Spending £50 on Vinted for a couple of pairs of trousers, some shorts, a decent sweatshirt and a few tops isn’t going to stop you from getting on the property ladder.

Yeah, I thought it rang a bit of a bell.

Of course you should own more clothes. You're not on the bones of your arse.

Whether you are looking after yourself or not depends on whether your tiny wardrobe bothers you. I would rather spend money on books and experiences than clothes so I probably buy 3-4 new items of clothes a year. Some years I buy none. I have maybe 10 pairs of shoes but only wear one. It's fine. Nobody has ever accused me of not looking after myself. But I also never found myself in a situation when I had nothing to wear because laundry wasn't done. I generally have enough change of clothes for it not to be an issue.

I recognise this post I think. You've posted about this before but in a slightly different way.

Plenty of money but for some reason wants to discuss just owning about 4 items of clothing

Baffling

Your mum isn't wrong.

There's frugal and there's extreme.

No need to go crazy, you can pick up all kinds of nice stuff on ebay/vinted for not much.

Why not start buying a few bits for winter - a nice coat and some leather boots to start you off.

It’s up to you how you live, but it’s highly unusual to have such few clothes. One pair of jeans? You don’t own shorts? Vest tops? A blazer? You haven’t even mentioned a jumper? You can’t tell me you don’t own a jumper? Or a hoodie? If you get cold later on tonight, do you wear one of your two cardigans? Your wardrobe and chests of drawers must be empty. It’s just not enough clothes for everyday life. Today is scorching, so you wear a dress I assume?

Over the next few days I’ve got a family BBQ, a day trip to a theme park, an important meeting at work, a day where I need to garden and take the dogs to the vet. All those things warrant very different clothes, you just don’t have enough.

I can see why your Mum is worried. I would be too. You take home a good wage and live like a pauper. No offence but I suspect the average homeless person carries more change of clothes with them than you have at home.

What on earth do you wear in a heat wave? Surely not jeans?

Some people aren't bothered about clothes, but this is crazy. You don't even have all weather/seasons covered in your wardrobe.

Have you always been like this?

This is the sort of thing I did when I was young and desperately poor as I had no alternative. To me your own a massive salary so not having a suitable change of clothes for the weather when you are soaking wet is extreme. Although according to Tiktok you're doing under consumption core

Would you like more variety or are you not bothered?

My mum did similar for many years, she would simply not acknowledge that what she needed was important as well. There wasn't really any need for it, and for many years unfortunately she looked awful.

If you’re happy and have enough that you can always wear clean clothes then that’s fine. It is a very scant wardrobe though - it doesn’t give you a lot of leeway if you have an issue like a broken washing machine or a few days of flu where you can’t get laundry done.

If the issue is that you feel undeserving of new clothes I would really try and step away from that idea. You’re entitled to a sufficient, comfortable wardrobe.

You sound very frugal. You don't have to spend much. I bought a lovely linen dress for £1 on vinted and a brand new Next one for £4!