Is this not looking after myself?

It sounds like competitiveness badness. Cheap supermarket or vented or charity shop can get you a small capsule wardrobe. Surely washing is difficult if you don’t have enough stuff to wash?

It's a bit daft, you must have the washing machine going all the time. You need a few more clothes. Get yourself on Vinted or down to Tesco and buy some basics.

You’re a grown woman op, I’m sure you’re well aware that having so few items of clothing isn’t usual.

There's a big difference between just not being particularly into fashion/not many clothes and not actually having the basics.

Not having a single smart outfit or a decent coat or nightclothes is really a step too far.

Compared to what you read a lot of on here you are being very sensible but if I knew a work colleague had so little I’d be really concerned.

Charity shops or Facebook marketplace could be great for bulking out your wardrobe a little. I’d reduce what you spend on your daughter or get her some good second hand clothes to free up money for you. I buy off Facebook marketplace for my children and have got some lovely clothes very cheaply (I mix this in with buying new).

I choose not to buy or own many clothes for a few reasons (in no particular order):

Storage space
Funds
Concern for environment
Complete lack of interest in fashion
Don’t do much socialising
Hate shopping
I hate clutter- the more stuff I have, the more stressed I feel

I do have more clothes than you OP but not loads and almost all of them are practical. If you have enough clothes for your needs and if they’re not full of holes or smelly, then I think you should continue as you are if that’s what makes you happy. I wouldn’t see this as a sign of not looking after yourself. To me, self care is about exercise, good food, sleep, rest, meditation… rather than how you look or what you buy.

Depends. I earn well but don't have a large wardrobe. I just don't care for owning lots of clothes.

A PP is aghast that you don't own any vest tops. Why? I don't have vest tops.

I own 2 neutral coloured jumpsuits, 3 long sleeved neutral tops, 3 T-shirts, 5 dresses for work/going out, 2 jumpers, two cardigans, two long sleep T-shirts for bed, one short waterproof coat, one long winter coat, tights and underwear. I have one pair of trainer-style walking shoes, one pair of wellies, and one pair of smart boots. I also have one shoulder bag, one rucksack, and a swimming costume. In winter I have one hat, pair of gloves, and a scarf. I don't like jeans and the weather is never that hot here so I get away with my dislike for shorts. For the few hot days in the summer, jumpsuit and T-shirt are fine.

Unless you're missing some things from your list you could do with adding a few things. But if you're someone who doesn't really care for fashion or owning lots of clothes, a lot of people just can't really get their head around that. Bet they wouldn't bat an eyelid if a guy was rotating the same couple of jeans and few T-shirts though.

I wouldn’t assume someone wasn’t taking care of themselves because they don’t spend a lot of money on clothes. There’s no equivalence between self care and how much you shop. Some people love clothes and buy loads of them and others aren’t interested beyond functional clothing.

But you do seem to be going out of your way to be Puritanical to the point that it makes me wonder if you have a bit of a hang up about spending money on yourself. You could very comfortably afford to buy a few cheap pieces of clothing for essentials without it having an impact on your finances.

Do you subconsciously think shopping for clothes is self indulgent or spoiled?

I get that. I barely wanted to spend money on a notebook when I was saving for a house.

I've not bought any clothes in about 18 months I think! I had a big sort out and basically I wear pretty much the same jeans (three pairs), a couple of dresses and a variety of tops, often gym wear, and some relaxed bottoms. Decent t-shirts, a few cotton shirts, couple of blouses. I would like to start to invest in better quality dresses.

The reason it works for me I think is I got a sort of uniform going and a selection of colours - had my colours done professionally. This helps as I can buy things on Vinted for cheap but know they work as they are my colours. Ditto I can buy things that are cheap or on sale in my colours - my colours always look more expensive than they are. Also more impactful and noticeable.

That’s clearly not enough clothes as you have found out. I understand not wanting an excessive amount but surely even triple this amount would be a tiny amount. With all the wearing and washing, your clothes will soon look worn anyway so why not buy a few more so that you have a reasonable amount to rotate and no worries about washing / weather etc?

surely you could afford to buy a couple of things a month until you have a decent capsule wardrobe?

Get yourself on asos and do an order, you can pay in 3.

What sort of clothes do you like? Perhaps we can suggest some budget alternatives that won’t break the bank but will give you a bit more of a variety.

If you just can't be bothered with having more clothes and were comfortable with that, that would be fine. But it sounds a bit like there's anxiety about money there and you could afford to have a bit more, there's no need to limit yourself like that.

That sounds like false economy to me. If you're having to do lots of small wash loads because you don't have enough clothes then that will cost a lot more than buying a few more outfits.

Charity shops are a solution. Everything except my underwear and shoes is charity shop. A few quid for a new outfit is not breaking the bank on nearly £4k take home. I'm on far less.

Oh, and I hate clothes shopping so only do it when I have to.

Well OP, if not having many clothes is considered not looking after yourself then I'll join you in your self abuse.

I've no interest in fashion and wear the same 2 or 3 'staple items" all the time, because they're comfortable and fit me well.

Hope you told her to mind her own business (or at least thought it). Godda love people who give unsolicited advice about how to live your life or answer the question you never asked

I am glad you posted and have learned a lot from reading the replies. I have a similar take home salary, but v little outgoings. I think, as others have pointed out, it comes down to what your underpinning emotions or thoughts are about buying clothes - is it fear, I don't deserve this, I look terrible so what's the point, or, I should be paying off my debt, or something else. I may have missed the answer but were you always like this. If no then what's changed. Can you visualise things being different? I have tried buying clothes and end up giving them away. Do you have 'rules' that you set yourself. I empathise completely with you. For me it's not practical or the 'right' way to live but I can't seem to change it. What do you think about the replies. Do you want to change?

You don't have many clothes at all! If you don't want to spend much, go on Vinted. I got a whole new wardrobe!

I think it's important to remember that you are allowed to have a life if you rent and have debt. I was in that position for 20 years and it never occurred to me that I would not have more than 2 pairs of trousers.

So it comes back to whether it is an active choice - if thats the way you want it that's great. If that's the way you think it has to be, then that isn't the case. A pair of jeans and a jumper from a supermarket won't cost very much and might make life easier having a spare pair.

She doesn't even have a nightie or a pair of pyjamas.

Sure, but she's renting and has debt. Her clothes are clean.

If it’s not important to you that’s fine. It’s no one else’s business. As others have said if you do need a few more bits you can get things super cheaply on vinted.

I don’t have many clothes because I just don’t really care about them. I have about 2 pairs of trousers, a handful of t shirts and a couple of dresses. No jeans or anything like that as I don’t find them comfortable. But I don’t work now due to health issues and being comfortable is my main thing, I don’t really care if people see me wearing the same thing a lot - I wash everything after each wear and just rotate things. My Mum was always really into clothes and fashion and I know she’d be horrified 🤣

It is completely up to you and not anyone else business. Clothes may be aren’t your thing. That’s fine. May be other things make you happy. Only you will know if there is something underlying it. I’m a bit cross with your mum for pointing this out and making you worry, rather than just asking you how you are.

Depends what makes you happy really. I suspect your mum as she is your mum is worried you are punishing yourself too much or are maybe depressed

I can understand you have a goal and are trying to get there, do you have an end date in mind or amount?