Is this not looking after myself?

It would not be extravagant to buy a couple more outfits you'd enjoy wearing! I know how you feel though, I always prioritize the kids clothes and would happily spend money on theirs that I would never spend on myself!

It is definitely worth doing though, you deserve to enjoy clothes too xxx

Honestly please and go buy yourself some clothes.

Life is too short.

Are you ND Op? My work colleague is very much like this. If you’re happy not having loads of stuff be it clothes or anything…good for you.

OP my parents lived like you and as a child it gave me a lot of anxiety. It was the fact they were renting, low income jobs etc they always thought they couldn’t spend anything. It really wasn’t nice for me as a child to have my mum in that same burgundy coat every winter, it made me sad and guilty. It was only when I got older and realised they earned a decent amount it made me think why on earth would you live like that. I never had much when we had DD until recently and my mum felt so bad for me she would buy DD so much and told me to save my money for myself and get some nice bits as I was looking awful. So your mum says it from a good place, she doesn’t want to see you struggle like that. You seem to be on the right path to getting debt free and getting a place of your own but don’t forget to look after yourself like you do DD.

I once rented and was in debt. I still dressed myself decently, and had a suitable selection of clothing for whatever situation arose. Buying adequate clothing (and even some entirely unnecessary items 😮) had very little impact on the length of time it took me to pay off my debt and buy a house.

Everyone has already said what I think in terms of this being at the extreme end of frugal and noticeable. If I were your mum I would give you some money to spend on clothes and only clothes for yourself.

Practical tips - go on Vinted and get some leather shoes (new or worn once) and a coat for winter right now, there are wool coats on there very cheap as it's the middle of summer. I picked one up for £5 wool herringbone, about £8 with postage last year. I also have some brand new shoes and worn once (that have no wear on bottoms) pretty cheap.

No-one is suggesting that you go crazy and spend a lot when you have debts, just that you get a few basics so that you can cope- I mean £9 shoes, one pair isn't enough and if anything happens to them, you won't have a spare pair, same if your jeans get stained, or something isn't washed quickly- also are you spending money on tumble drying to get this all washed fast enough? I think there's a false economy going on here. T-shirts will be fading if you wash them very frequently too.

I think prioritising paying off £20k debt is the ultimate act of self care

It’s good to be prudent about spending but there’s a happy medium op! And stylish clothing is available at all price points nowadays, in fact you get different versions, high end and high street, of the same item made side by side in the same factory!

On the other hand, people “look after themselves” in different ways and no one would criticise a man for dressing in minimal Primark and spending all their money on a bike or a car. So you don’t have to conform to your mother’s or societal expectations if you are happy as you are!

The only thing I would say is that as a parent, you are a role model for your child, and they will take cues from you about how to respect themselves and how to live.

I was about to say this. It's totally false economy.

@Salagaee - for the amount you spend on laundry you could buy some excellent outfits from charity shops!

If your local ones are no good, go to a 'posh' area or town. You'll find Per Una, Reiss, Hobbs, Phase Eight...... et cetera. And decent shoes, a 2nd pair of jeans, a coat and some lovely costume jewellery...

NB: Fara have some children's shops with great nearly new clothes that were very expensive when new.

Get yourself some pyjamas OP?

All debt repayment plans include an element of fun money.

I find this odd behaviour. You can get really really cheap and great quality second hand clothes from vinted.

I'd take onboard your mum's suggestions and at least get a few more bits.

So are many millions of others renting! I think you are being frugal to the extreme. Your mum mentioned her concerns to you because she loves you. Why are you buying such cheap shoes and flip flops when you have a high salary?
Bring some colour into your life, life is short

I honestly think that you should buy yourself some new clothes.
There’s being frugal and there’s looking like Poor Pitiful Pearl.
You don’t have to buy it all at once — buy a little bit now, some next month and some over the next few months.
Take your mum or a friend with you to be your stylist — my mum had excellent taste.
And it isn’t splurging - this is necessary.
And you won’t believe how great you’ll feel walking around in those new jeans and top.
Why, you’ll positively glow.

If you are short of time and cash as well as clothes, you could always buy a bundle off ebay. Quick, easy and cheap way of expanding your wardrobe.

You are on a fairly good take home pay. It I hard to work out why you can't even afford clothes. I see you are quite heavily in debt, Are your overheads too high for your income.

Looks like you need some budgeting advice.

What do you wear for work? What happens when your clothes are in the washing/getting dried? Presumably you have a coat for when it rains and jammies?

I’m all for decluttering but this seems extreme. I understand saving for a mortgage and money being short (we are a family of 4 on take home of 2100) but I shop mainly on vinted for under a fiver. Have you looked there? I would also guess with such a small selection you will be constantly washing, drinking energy. If it’s just you and dd I should imagine 2 loads a week would be sufficient (plus bedding) so maybe get afew bits off vinted and save the water/electric and laundry powder

I read on here recently that 'clothing is communication'. What messages are you sending OP? To whom? And why?

Two people I knew were like you. Ultimately I just thought that they were dead tight. They never looked as though they'd made any effort for special occasions as they just wore the same few bland things all the time. I didn't know about their finances but both had OK jobs.

What strikes me is that you don't have specific nightwear. Why not? Why do you wear one of your few T-shirts to bed? They'll be unnecessarily worn and need laundering. Why don't you think you're worth a couple of pairs of cheap pyjamas or nighties to finish each day off nicely?

I'd say you need to triple your wardrobe at least. It may feel strange at first but you'll feel a lot better once you have a bit of choice and you can dress for the weather and particular activities.

Something awful could happen tomorrow! It's fine to live a little!

Just go into Primark and treat yourself to a few dresses. They are less than £10 each!

Me too.

set aside a budget each month for clothing for you and your DD. Start buying DD a bit less and every month get yourself a few basics or a main thing especially in the sales. Also look in the charity shops as can find loads in them if you are lucky to be an average size (unlike me). I’d buy the kids clothes from there myself as they grow so quickly.

I set aside a bit of money each month like this and then have it ready when I see or need things. Tons of my clothes are really old and I got rid of stuff that no longer fitted a while back.

I get my wardrobe organised so that I have at least ten basic outfits depending upon season, I put things away out of season to make it all last a lot longer. I buy things that I can usually mix or match so ten outfits so I can go a week without washing them when I need to and then the next ten days worn with different tops/ bottoms and the same the last ten days of the month. I started doing this ‘clothes rotation’ when I worked in a professional role but had no money so could look like I had a different outfit every week but I really didn’t.

So at the moment as it’s so hot where I am I’ve got on rotation 3 pairs of shorts, 2 pairs of cropped leggings, 2 dresses alongside various tshirts and vest tops depending on the heat that day. I then also have some other bits and bobs so some older cropped trousers and tops (most are over ten years old) on standby and to mix in for the other three days.

Last month I got some basic vests from m and s I use for sleeping in or in the garden last month as mine have holes in.

And today I realised fatface have a sale on with things in my sizes so with the rest of the money I had set aside I have bought two pairs of shorts as one pair of my three pairs shorts have a really bad hole (been wearing in the garden only).

Not the right season but I also had enough set aside to also be able to get two zipped hoodies. I once again have three zipped hoodies I wear mainly on repeat in autumn/winter and 1 of those is threadbare so only can wear at home so I’ve covered that old item again and got an extra.

This way I get as much use as possible out of everything without people realising some of my clothes are really old or that I’m wearing the same items a lot. Also means I can do bigger and less washes which saves loads on the washing costs.

I used to be a single parent with no money whatsoever and about three sets of clothes so if I was trying to get it dry I’d be stuck in that day as literally nothing to wear. And yes I’ve had comments about it so this way there’s never any comments, sorry your mum said that to you btw it’s a bit hurtful.

If I was your mum I would put a couple of hundred pounds in your account so you could get a few bits.

this is hard but I find it shocking you have so few clothes. Do you care what you look like or what others’ think? It’s a bit odd to not care at all.. which is how it sounds..

Owning one pair of jeans and no other trousers other than for working out seems odd, it surely makes life harder, and just isn’t necessary- if true it sounds like you’re being a bit obsessive with trying not to spend anything at all. Have you heard of Project 333? (I think that’s what it’s called)- she recommends 33 items in your wardrobe for a 3 month season- most people find it a challenge to get down to 33- but you seem to have around 10? (And actually she doesn’t include workout clothes in that).