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Original poster

Don't be too nice/men like the chase

34 replies

Imsotiredandcantsleep · 07/08/2024 13:24

A friend of a friend is apparently interested in me, I've only met him once briefly but he asked my friend if I was single etc and now he's texting me.

I'm interested too, but feel like I'm going to mess it up before it's even gone anywhere.

Any advice? I'm just trying to be myself, but a recent 'no spark ' rejection has me a bit worried it'll just happen again.

In fairness I wasn't 100% attracted to the previous guy and maybe he picked up on that hence the rejection, but I do feel attracted to this new guy.

I've been described as 'too nice' in the past and that I need to make guys work a bit harder.
I'm also rubbish at flirting without it looking obvious or cringy.

I'm worried we'll go on a date and he'll just decide I'm not it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Imsotiredandcantsleep · 07/08/2024 13:43

I feel like I've been myself, but the problem is that 'myself' isn't necessarily attractive to men.

I'm often described as 'sweet' which is not a bad thing, but I just don't feel like most men want that. They want someone a little more edgy and daring perhaps?

OP posts:
Waterboatlass · 07/08/2024 13:42

You might be ready for a break from dating if you can't take a rejection on the chin. It can get tiring, whether you're being turned down, they are or it just feels like there's just never a spark.

Best think to do is have a date quickly (i mean within say a week or so, not being available on Saturday night if he asks you an hour before, be yourself, and if he's not interested that's fine. Don't let your imagination run away with you. Similarly, if you're not, say a polite thanks but no thanks and move on. Plenty of us have to kiss a whole pond of frogs.

Original poster
Imsotiredandcantsleep · 07/08/2024 13:42

Thanks everyone :)
What does overly keen look like to you?
I'm not sending millions of texts or anything, I just reply when I'm free.

OP posts:
Wolfpa · 07/08/2024 13:41

Be yourself. I find the whole game of thinking men should chase is unhealthy. It blurs the lines when we say no.

SamW98 · 07/08/2024 13:41

I hate these arbitrary so called rules and game playing about dating.

If your chats are going well just ask ‘fancy a drink’ - he can only say yes or no.

That's not chasing it’s being proactive

Trallers · 07/08/2024 13:40

I think it's a common illusion that it's easier for others. Just be exactly as comes naturally, then you have no veneer to have to keep up. If he rejects you over that then it's absolutely for the best. Who wants a guy you played a game of chase with who then scarpers the moment you act more yourself!

I'm sorry it's anxiety inducing though, that's not fun. Can you forget worrying about whether he likes you and just focus on if you actually like him during this date?

Halfaninch · 07/08/2024 13:38

They do like the chase but that just means dont be overly keen or desperate! Have a date and a laugh.

Original poster
Imsotiredandcantsleep · 07/08/2024 13:35

That's true, I just don't know if can face another one. Not just the one from the other week, but previous ones.
It just seems so much easier for most other people.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 07/08/2024 13:33

I'm worried we'll go on a date and he'll just decide I'm not it.

That may happen no matter what you do. All you can do is be yourself and see if you're compatible. You really are overthinking this.