Don't be too nice/men like the chase

I'm worried we'll go on a date and he'll just decide I'm not it.

That may happen no matter what you do. All you can do is be yourself and see if you're compatible. You really are overthinking this.

They do like the chase but that just means dont be overly keen or desperate! Have a date and a laugh.

I think it's a common illusion that it's easier for others. Just be exactly as comes naturally, then you have no veneer to have to keep up. If he rejects you over that then it's absolutely for the best. Who wants a guy you played a game of chase with who then scarpers the moment you act more yourself!

I'm sorry it's anxiety inducing though, that's not fun. Can you forget worrying about whether he likes you and just focus on if you actually like him during this date?

I hate these arbitrary so called rules and game playing about dating.

If your chats are going well just ask ‘fancy a drink’ - he can only say yes or no.

That's not chasing it’s being proactive

Be yourself. I find the whole game of thinking men should chase is unhealthy. It blurs the lines when we say no.

You might be ready for a break from dating if you can't take a rejection on the chin. It can get tiring, whether you're being turned down, they are or it just feels like there's just never a spark.

Best think to do is have a date quickly (i mean within say a week or so, not being available on Saturday night if he asks you an hour before, be yourself, and if he's not interested that's fine. Don't let your imagination run away with you. Similarly, if you're not, say a polite thanks but no thanks and move on. Plenty of us have to kiss a whole pond of frogs.

Overly keen - flooding with texts, always making the first move. Have a date but let him chase you. Let him think of date ideas. It's all part of the mindset that nothing that is easily attained is valuable.

What would you do if he were female, OP? If this was just someone you'd met casually, who thought you might make a good friend?

Can you think of it like that - take the whole 'male/female/dating/attraction' thing off the table and think of this as making new friends?

Who would want a man who wanted a woman who played ridiculous coquettish games?
Just be yourself.

Trust yourself here. You need to look at this as potential romance not as in just a man friend. Thats why I always say a 1st date should have a romantic connotation rather than meeting for a coffee in a shopping centre.

I don't think there are loads of particular rules and regulations that matter, replying when you can sounds good.

With the right person it won't matter as you'll mutually keep the momentum up. Roughly I'd say keep weighting equal in terms of messaging or do a bit less and enjoy the chat in person. If you feel their attention waning, by all means text first a couple of times to see, but if it doesn't pick back up, don't try and flog a dead horse.

The right man will love sweet you, not some edgelady, so don't try to change. Could you be picking me with different or tastes interests online? Maybe tailor your search a bit more?

Why would you want a relationship with someone who only likes you when you're pretending to be someone else?

Rejection is part of dating, it's how you end up with the right person instead of someone who only likes you when you're contorting yourself into someone else.

Personally i would say reply in your normal manner for texting and don't overthink it. If that happens to be too much for him then what's the point?! Perhaps make sure you aren't the one initiating every text conversation, but if you're replying to him then you aren't doing that anyway.

I have to say I don't agree with 'the chase' and 'anything easily attained isn't valuable' ideas. I mean they are true in the sense that things work like that a lot of the time, but not for anything meaningful/genuine/longterm because it's never about real connection, its a game of trickery. And the guys who think like that turn out to be so dreadful anyway (imo). I'd rather let them weed themselves out thinking I'm too easily attainable while i just be exactly myself.

spark is a mutual thing - you admit you werent' 100% into the other guy so you know there wasn't a spark... and yet you still feel rejected just because he was the one to front up to the fact and say it out loud.
you can't control spark, it's there or not. just be yourself and don't overthink things.

Flip this on its head. If you had a male admirer gushing with compliments for you, texting you all the time, sending you flowers, writing sickly poems, asking when he's seeing you next etc you'd get bored very quickly and he'd be seen as a wet lettuce. The advice your friend was giving you was basically don't be the female equivalent!

Here’s the thing. You don’t actually know if you are interested in this guy or not because you don’t know him. So this date will be like an interview. You’re curious about his sense of humour, his plans for the future, interesting things about his life so far. For all you know he might run a backyard dog fighting ring.

If the date goes well for both of you all that means is that a second date gets a green light, but you still won’t really know if you like him, maybe his conversation will run out, maybe he’ll be rude to a waiter, maybe he’ll tell you his ex was a psycho. It’s perfectly ok for there to be a bit of tension and for the guy to feel he has to work a bit without feeling like either of you are playing games,

I think when you meet someone you like and they feel the same and want the same things as you do then you don't need to play games anymore.
Just be yourself and if he doesn't feel the same then he's not for you

Not all men enjoy 'the chase', if I'd tried to make my OH 'chase' me he'd probably have assumed I wasn't interested and left me alone.

Be honest with him after all wouldn't you expect him to be honest with you. Early days, no reason you shouldn't ask him out, try somewhere easy like a local NT where you can walk and talk and enjoy a coffee.

No real rules. If you're looking at it as a potential long term then just be yourself, after all that's the person he needs to be attracted to.

You're an adult woman looking for an equal relationship, start as you want to go on, don't expect him to do it all.

Yeah this. The second you have to start thinking about how to reply, when to reply, waiting x amount of time before replying etc is when you know it's not going to work.

Don't get me wrong we've all been there when you're dating! But everyone who is now in a healthy, functioning and happy relationship will tell you that things should just "click" from day one if they're meant to be.

DP told me he was in love with me after only a few dates 😂With anyone else this would have given me the ick and I would have run a mile and blocked their number but I knew with DP that he was who I wanted to be with so nothing seemed to "keen" or full on. It all just felt perfectly normal.

Most posters are going to hate this adviceI think but my (male) friend and I were talking about this recently as we're both using dating apps. We reckon there's a difference between being "nice" and being "kind" - and the second camp is where you want to be.

Nice implies inoffensive but bland/forgettable and not someone you'd rush to see again. Whereas most people want someone who they can see through dates or messages that their humour aligns, has their own opinions and life going on, their own boundaries- but is fundamentally a good and considerate person.

I would say be yourself (as in show your personality/humour in messages and dates) but just make sure you don't rush to respond or seem like you have nothing going on. Good luck!