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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP weird relationship with ex

110 replies

kiana2015 · 22/07/2024 23:45

Me and DP have a DD, he also has a DD with his ex. Me and the ex don't get along, she's always bitching and blaming me for everything. I think DP has a weird relationship with his ex, when we first met she was always calling and messaging him, when she brought their DD round she also stayed for hours, they would go for coffee etc. I didn't meet DD until a year and a half into our relationship and even then she looked for any chance she could to stop her coming. Now DP goes out to take his DD places, never invites us. He has previously gone for coffee or gone round his ex house and says it's for his DD. There's been many occasions where I feel like the line has been crossed with respect for me, a big one is when she bitches to him about me calling me all sorts, he never sticks up for me just ignores her. The most recent occasion they were at an appointment and then the ex gave DP a lift, just the two of them no DD, he also didn't mention this to me I told I asked him and says he wasn't hiding it but it wasn't relevant to tell me, I kicked off but he says I'm off my head and controlling. AIBU to expect respect and to maintain boundaries?

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 23/07/2024 01:11

@kiana2015

I'm not saying whether or not I think his relationship is 'too much' or not. What I think is irrelevant. You could have 10000 MNers post that he is way out of line, but that's not going to change his mind. If he won't listen to you, the woman he supposedly loves and shares his life with, and change, he's not going to change because a bunch of randoms say he should.

I guess the bottom line for me is that he finds his relationship with his ex to be, for lack of a better word, 'acceptable'. You find it 'unacceptable'. And apparently never the twain shall meet.

Sounds to me as if he sees no need to change. So it's up to you whether or not you choose to simply accept the situation or if it bothers you enough to leave.

redalex261 · 23/07/2024 01:10

I don’t understand how you can know he does not defend you when his ex bitches about you? He says he does, why do you doubt this? Also, is the bitching solely by text or is he coming back and telling you? If he is why does he do that? Is there any reason in particular this woman dislikes you so much? She didn’t know you before and they were over when you came on the scene so is it that she dislikes you having contact with her child or some other reason?

Do you think she wants to reconcile with him or is he just enjoying the drama of the two of you tussling over him?

You described your feelings about the situation as “insane”. You need to find a way to evaluate things calmly and rationally before deciding how to deal with it, as it at the moment there’s no way of telling what the reality is.

Original poster
kiana2015 · 23/07/2024 00:53

sunflowrsngunpowdr · 23/07/2024 00:50

Maybe he's still sleeping with her. OR maybe he is just trying to keep the peace between the mother of his child who he might not be with but still respects and his current partner - both of whom are jealous and insecure. The bigger question is why did you start a family with him knowing that you weren't happy with the ex wife situation?

I'm not at all jealous, I believe there should be boundaries and respect, is that unreasonable? I chose to start a family with him because I love him and we have no issues besides this and he promised things would change

OP posts:
sunflowrsngunpowdr · 23/07/2024 00:50

Maybe he's still sleeping with her. OR maybe he is just trying to keep the peace between the mother of his child who he might not be with but still respects and his current partner - both of whom are jealous and insecure. The bigger question is why did you start a family with him knowing that you weren't happy with the ex wife situation?

Original poster
kiana2015 · 23/07/2024 00:29

Twistingskies · 23/07/2024 00:22

If you don’t see her how do you know she bitches about you and calls you names?

He has shown me the messages a few times when I've asked.. he always claims he has stood up for me - no proof of this and claims she never does in person however a few comments has made me believe she has. Basically anytime she gives her opinion on something he takes it as his own and then will say to me and I know rightly where it's come from

OP posts:
Twistingskies · 23/07/2024 00:22

If you don’t see her how do you know she bitches about you and calls you names?

Original poster
kiana2015 · 23/07/2024 00:19

I genuinely don't think he's ever or would ever do anything it's just the respect and the fact he constantly just bows down to her it's driving me insane and we've spoke about this time and time again

OP posts:
strawberryhalves · 23/07/2024 00:01

Absolutely trust your gut. The classic “your off your head and controlling” manipulative behaviour to try and turn this around on you when he knows what he’s doing is wrong and make you question yourself.

BowlOfNoodles · 22/07/2024 23:54

I've got a 10 year old, no matter the situation in he's father's life he's never been to my house without getting into my bed. ( In those 10 years we've never been committed ) it happens follow your gutt.

Original poster
kiana2015 · 22/07/2024 23:46

Forgot to mention whenever they speak on the phone it's always conveniently when I pop out or he does. Never when we are together

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