DP weird relationship with ex

On the same token with this situation and ops lack of tolerance I believe she'll feel resentment when she's the ex and you've always gonna remember tomorrow! I'm positive absolutely positive that she won't appreciate the next Mrs saying he can't give her a lift! I've seen these situations play out numerous times. The baby fathers gf that gave me hell telling my sons dad not to contribute towards school uniforms because I could afford it etc... is now in ex what goes around comes around remember that always

I don’t get the chick bit.. why should it change? Because life changes. They were together, that’s changed. You’re current partner is unhappy, fix it or don’t that his choice and hers is be unhappy or leave. Things can change. Maybe his ex wasn’t ok with him leaving his dirty socks around the house but the current one is ok with it.. it changes, things change. Ex doesn’t get to dictate his wife can’t be around because SHE doesn’t want the dynamic to change. People change, situations change, part of life. It’s not impossible for the dynamics to change, he is choosing for them not to despite how the mother of his other child and now wife feel. I’d be gone, no doubt about it

Why is your partner's daughter with his ex not included in your family set up and invited to your home/holidays etc?

I'm presuming not chick just partner I think? The issue here is if when they broke up they've remained friends prior to op and him meeting. Why should the dynamics change? If hes going to sleep with her he's going to do that regardless of coffees/lifts. I'd argue that the more pushing 🫸 she does the MORE likely is it that the ex will want to sleep with him/cause issues.

I hear that fully I do, I just don’t see the need or desire to be overly friendly, it’s confusing for the kids too. Given he’s remarried and first child has a sibling you’d expect at the very least OP would be attending these days out. Sadly the reality of a break up is a split family. I was a child of a break up. My mum despised my dad for reasons I now understand but at the time I wished they were able to at least hold a civil conversation with one another. For me a healthy co parenting relationship is open communication about the kid(s) and able to say to one another oh, noticed this with Bob, have said this, can you follow through? And oh bobs school report is due on x y z. Co parenting can be as simple as civil, good communication and support with upbringing. Coffees, lifts, days out, bit much for me. For some would be ok and that’s fine but if your current partner is saying no, I’m not comfortable what can we do instead, if the relationship is of value you’d listen not just ignore.

What needs to be remembered is 2-3 years from now op might be ex number 2 and have a brand new woman reading her messages in he's phone and being told he's not allowed in her house! I personally know somebody onto he's 4TH family of women! When the boots on the other foot she's not going to like it... every time this argument comes up it's gonna build resentment towards her not win her any favours. And I'll tell you something every time my sons dad's now ex was bringing my name up I was being extra nice to him!

Also to add all those waffling on about how the ex is the mother of his child, so is the OP why does the second wife always matter less? Really makes me cross

@kiana2015 with kindness he has shown you where his priorities lie, believe him. This won’t change and if by a miracle he does put an end to it, she will find new ways and you’ll have a new argument. The example I gave, don’t be fooled, he still was unable to set boundaries with the ex and allowed her to chop and change our contact time whenever she saw fit, something we never did. Even when I made plans for us, she’d say oh they have a party I really want to take them too. Funny because depending how far the party was would often dictate her keenness he would say oh ok, no conversation with me, no thought no this is my time, no thought I had spent money. It will just be always something. I think maybe you have to prioritise yourself and your daughter and leave. You can’t live a life second best, it will destroy you.

in my opinion this should of been nipped in the bud much sooner. I’ve been in this situation and let’s not be naive women are manipulative. After 2 or 3 times of her masking her request with the kids want / need and him dropping everything, I set a clear boundary this stop. I explained she’s sending a message to me she can have you whenever she wants. Now these wants / needs were to do shopping or drop her into town. He then had the choice, he could dance to her tune or dance to mine. She tried it by saying oh can you take jimmy to x, we turned up and she tried to get in the car. It wasn’t she wanted us to take him, she wanted a lift. Without me saying a word my then partner said can I have a word. I didn’t know the contents of this word until later but he told her, you asked me to take jimmy and I will but the fact you have his behind our kids to get a lift isn’t happening. I will take Jimmy or you can but I am not your taxi service. Let’s keep in mind his ex slagged him off to the high heavens until she wanted something then it was all nicely nicely you’re such a good dad 🙄 so no, I am with OP but this boundary should of been set a long time ago then it would of been clear and he could choose to respect his current partner or do what he wanted and she could decide to put up and shut up or walk away if she felt that was a hill to die on.

If they broke up amicably as friends then telling her op has said he's not allowed to continue that is a sure fire way to cause extra animosity

@kiana2015 So he can dance to his exes tune but not his wife’s. He puts her feelings above yours. He needs to decide who he wants to sleep next to seriously. Having a good coparenting relationship doesn’t need to involve regular meet ups and keeping his first family from his second. It won’t get better. If others would be ok with their husbands doing it then fine but you’re not and he should hear that and discuss with you something that works for everyone not just him and his ex.

I told my sons father previously that my son wasn't allowed to go to hes girlfriends house ( due to continuous disrespect ) you'll probably find she's said told him she'd prefer he wasn't taking he's daughter to yours.

I think of it like if I did these things with my ex he would not be happy so why should I? Because they have a child?

Yes! Exactly! They have a child together. And it's much better for her if he maintains a good relationship with her mother. You're coming across like he shouldn't have any relationship at all with the mother, to the extent that you never want him to go to his daughter's house. That is controlling and bad for everyone, and will eventually lead to him chosing daughter over you.

Ultimately op, the ex has been around for years and isn't going anywhere if he has to say to her I can't accept a lift off you or have a coffee as its causing me issues there's no chance of your daughter sharing a sisterly bond with he's other daughter. You can only repeat that you want transparency about lifts etc.

But this will be because he's been chastised for it previously. if he's told her that you have an issue with it then he's shit stirring to ensure that there's never a chance of being civilised

What are you saying isn't normal getting a lift?

My dad used to always see us at my mum's, she used to give him lifts and they talked on the phone. They were most definitely not having sex.

I would watch the situation but their relationship isn't weird.

How old is your DD? It seems like a weird set up, like he still has two separate lives that don’t overlap in any way.