Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Jay Slaters mum asking for more donations

371 replies

cauliflowercheeseplease · 18/07/2024 22:32

I understand it's an awful thing that's happened but the Gofundme has reached almost 60k and Jay's mum is asking for more donation to give him a memorable send off.
I'm sure there is more than enough left to enable her to do this after she's paid out those that have helped with the search? Although I did read somewhere some of those that flew out went home earlier as she didn't pay as promised?
Is this wrong of me to say?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
WetherspoonsSnob · 21/07/2024 14:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Starjumpfifty · 21/07/2024 11:01

Garlickest · 21/07/2024 10:29

By the participants' own standards, yes. I don't know what he'd done wrong in their eyes but am certain there was a 'reason'. There would have been for the youths who battered Slater at 12, as well - the attack was targeted.

Agree the attacks were targeted. My issue is the level of hypocrisy displayed in this thread by grown women hellbent on labelling a teen who's just lost his life. The amount of women refusing to show any compassion for the kid, whilst having compassion for Tom Hilton, even calling for the gfm money to be sent to him 🤦‍♀️ many of the opinions stated here don't seem to have much research put into them, just jumping on the bandwagon, whilst ignoring the fact that he was actually thought of as a decent guy by people around him.

Garlickest · 21/07/2024 10:29

Starjumpfifty · 21/07/2024 10:02

Agree with this.

Also, again with the hypocrisy.
there was an incident where he and 2 mates were set upon by some lads who pulled up in a car and gave them a beating, which very strongly points to some sort of provocation or action on his part, otherwise the attack was just too totally random.

Do you also believe then that Tom Hilton provoked (also reads as 'deserved', btw) the machete attack? In which case, by the way you've worded it, seems to absolve the attackers of guilt and places blame on the victim?

Edited

By the participants' own standards, yes. I don't know what he'd done wrong in their eyes but am certain there was a 'reason'. There would have been for the youths who battered Slater at 12, as well - the attack was targeted.

Starjumpfifty · 21/07/2024 10:02

SallyWD · 21/07/2024 08:35

Hmm... I think some of your points are pushing it a bit. When he was attacked he was 12! I don't think there can can possibly be any justification for physically attacking a 12 year old child. If a 12 year old girl was attacked would you blame her for provocation?
As for him being a taker - you mention charity time and public donations. Can't really blame him for what's happened after his death. Should we call Michael Mosley a taker for all the time and money that was spent looking for him? These charities exist to look for missing people, many of whom make poor decisions and get lost.

Agree with this.

Also, again with the hypocrisy.
there was an incident where he and 2 mates were set upon by some lads who pulled up in a car and gave them a beating, which very strongly points to some sort of provocation or action on his part, otherwise the attack was just too totally random.

Do you also believe then that Tom Hilton provoked (also reads as 'deserved', btw) the machete attack? In which case, by the way you've worded it, seems to absolve the attackers of guilt and places blame on the victim?

SallyWD · 21/07/2024 08:35

Sylvie56 · 21/07/2024 01:52

You need to look deeper. The court case was only 10 months ago and they were 18. He was on an 18 month community sentence which still had 8 months to run. On licence if you like. He went to a foreign country, took illegal drugs, and almost certainly tried to steal a watch (otherwise why would his best friend state that if he said he had done that, it would be true). He also seems to have been a magnet for trouble earlier as well - there was an incident where he and 2 mates were set upon by some lads who pulled up in a car and gave them a beating, which very strongly points to some sort of provocation or action on his part, otherwise the attack was just too totally random. Basically he has been a net "taker" in life, in terms of policing time, court time, apprenticeship funding, Spanish taxpayer time, charity time and now public donations.

Hmm... I think some of your points are pushing it a bit. When he was attacked he was 12! I don't think there can can possibly be any justification for physically attacking a 12 year old child. If a 12 year old girl was attacked would you blame her for provocation?
As for him being a taker - you mention charity time and public donations. Can't really blame him for what's happened after his death. Should we call Michael Mosley a taker for all the time and money that was spent looking for him? These charities exist to look for missing people, many of whom make poor decisions and get lost.

Sylvie56 · 21/07/2024 01:59

Nothereisnotashortage · 20/07/2024 19:03

I don’t know all the ins and outs of it but I am surprised that he would have been convicted if he hadn’t had some part in the attack. I do feel for any parent who loses a child but as previously stated, it saddens me that this boys path in life had led him into violence and crime. It seems to be happening too much, especially to teen boys, in the UK.

I do know loss, having lost siblings and a partner in his 30’s. I know that loss is not the same at all but I also know that money is needed just to maintain living as there is so little you can actually do after such a loss. Your world stops spinning and working and having to earn money is often the last thing you feel able to do so having money gives you some time to grieve. I think it’s important to remember this family are not living a normal life, they are in the world of grief for a loss that will be with them forever.

My partner was part of a fundraising campaign, we didn’t raise anything like that amount of money and I didn’t set it up. Our family received a very small amount of that money when he passed away, the rest was given to charity.

You'd be right. It's a well established legal principal called joint enterprise where if there is a group involved then the whole group can be considered to constructing the offence by their actions or inactions. The reason in this case is that the victim's ability and inclination to resist an attack when there is a group of 8 would differ from if there was just one attacker present. Similar applies to rapes where one rapist attacks but the victim will not fight back as his two mates are there as well, where she may have if had been just him. The case reports say that the whole gang of 8 including Jay chased and cornered him. Think of it as old fashioned aiding and abetting, counselling and procuring.

Sylvie56 · 21/07/2024 01:52

SallyWD · 20/07/2024 09:48

I agree with you. There are only a few of us on these chats who defend him or his family.
As for laughing in court - yes it's despicable but they were a bunch of teenage lads aged 15/16, probably very nervous, almost certainly trying to look tough. A lot of bravado there probably hiding their real feelings.
No reports of Jay being involved in violent incidents before or after this attack. He had lots of friends and was well liked - I find it quite unpleasant to dismiss a recently deceased teenager as a vicious thug. It's dehumanising to reduce his entire character to one incident, where he was a bystander.
He died alone, frightened aged 19. People should have some compassion.

You need to look deeper. The court case was only 10 months ago and they were 18. He was on an 18 month community sentence which still had 8 months to run. On licence if you like. He went to a foreign country, took illegal drugs, and almost certainly tried to steal a watch (otherwise why would his best friend state that if he said he had done that, it would be true). He also seems to have been a magnet for trouble earlier as well - there was an incident where he and 2 mates were set upon by some lads who pulled up in a car and gave them a beating, which very strongly points to some sort of provocation or action on his part, otherwise the attack was just too totally random. Basically he has been a net "taker" in life, in terms of policing time, court time, apprenticeship funding, Spanish taxpayer time, charity time and now public donations.

AllPrincessAnneshorses · 21/07/2024 01:46

Haveyougotallnight · 18/07/2024 23:05

Er like the McCanns? Sure they received years of abuse

They mean not White. It's dogwhistle racism. "Our people " are being discriminated against whilst everyone supports the Others.

Frogpole · 20/07/2024 23:39

Skinglow · 19/07/2024 10:41

My humble opinion is this post makes you look like a cunt.

My, what an eloquently written rebuttal! You've certainly countered every single point I've raised in a logical and reasonable manner, proven my my statement to be entirely false and dare I say it, made me look quite the fool too! How ever will I recover?😭

Dylanesque · 20/07/2024 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Jaboody · 20/07/2024 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

5128gap · 20/07/2024 19:42

cauliflowercheeseplease · 20/07/2024 19:32

I’m sure but the point is… again… she’s had more than enough donations now before asking for more 🙈

I know what your point is. You made it in your OP. You think she shouldn't be asking for any more donations. You've asked if people agree, and many do. That was all done and dusted on the first page and would have made for a very short and dull thread. However the conversation has evolved hasn't it? People have made other comments about Jay, about his mother, about his funeral. I'm just commenting on those points. Doesn't mean I don't know what you think about the fund raiser. Though I am genuinely interested in why you care so much about something that doesn't effect your life or hurt anyone else, because that I don't know.

cauliflowercheeseplease · 20/07/2024 19:32

5128gap · 20/07/2024 19:08

I can almost guarantee there will be people turning up who barely knew him. Always is when it's high profile and the person is young. However for the family, it's numbers and crowds and 'look how many turned up for Jay' which will give then comfort I'm sure.

I’m sure but the point is… again… she’s had more than enough donations now before asking for more 🙈

OP posts:
5128gap · 20/07/2024 19:08

cauliflowercheeseplease · 20/07/2024 18:58

My point is, actually, because of the publicity on it there will probably be people he knew when he was 2 that he’s had nothing to do with for years showing up just to say “ oh yeah I went to jays funeral, was mint, got myself a free buffet!”

anyhow, total digression to what my post is all about!

I can almost guarantee there will be people turning up who barely knew him. Always is when it's high profile and the person is young. However for the family, it's numbers and crowds and 'look how many turned up for Jay' which will give then comfort I'm sure.

Nothereisnotashortage · 20/07/2024 19:03

I don’t know all the ins and outs of it but I am surprised that he would have been convicted if he hadn’t had some part in the attack. I do feel for any parent who loses a child but as previously stated, it saddens me that this boys path in life had led him into violence and crime. It seems to be happening too much, especially to teen boys, in the UK.

I do know loss, having lost siblings and a partner in his 30’s. I know that loss is not the same at all but I also know that money is needed just to maintain living as there is so little you can actually do after such a loss. Your world stops spinning and working and having to earn money is often the last thing you feel able to do so having money gives you some time to grieve. I think it’s important to remember this family are not living a normal life, they are in the world of grief for a loss that will be with them forever.

My partner was part of a fundraising campaign, we didn’t raise anything like that amount of money and I didn’t set it up. Our family received a very small amount of that money when he passed away, the rest was given to charity.

cauliflowercheeseplease · 20/07/2024 18:58

5128gap · 20/07/2024 18:24

Yes. I am in no doubt that you think that is outrageous. You did mention it! I'm responding to your addional remarks where you appear to be extending this, to now tell us what type of funeral you people should hold. Which I think is a bit presumptuous of you to say the least.

My point is, actually, because of the publicity on it there will probably be people he knew when he was 2 that he’s had nothing to do with for years showing up just to say “ oh yeah I went to jays funeral, was mint, got myself a free buffet!”

anyhow, total digression to what my post is all about!

OP posts:
5128gap · 20/07/2024 18:24

cauliflowercheeseplease · 20/07/2024 18:02

Not stopping her from burying her son am I? I’m saying it’s outrageous she’s asking for more money when she’s gonna have more than enough from the gofund me. It’s up to 70k now.

Yes. I am in no doubt that you think that is outrageous. You did mention it! I'm responding to your addional remarks where you appear to be extending this, to now tell us what type of funeral you people should hold. Which I think is a bit presumptuous of you to say the least.

cauliflowercheeseplease · 20/07/2024 18:02

5128gap · 20/07/2024 17:58

Jay Slater was a 19 year lad who loved to party. By all accounts he was outgoing, gregarious and prominent in his social circle. When his mum plans his 'send off' I'd imagine like a lot of people she would like to be able to say on the day 'Jay would have loved this' so will make plans in accordance with what she thinks he would have wanted. I'd imagine it's highly unlikely that would be a quiet reflective service for close family only and far more likely to be a huge do, with the more people attending the more comfort she will take from how 'well loved' Jay was. It may not be your idea of tasteful, but it really doesnt effect you and if people want to help pay for it, neither does that. Just let the woman bury her son.

Not stopping her from burying her son am I? I’m saying it’s outrageous she’s asking for more money when she’s gonna have more than enough from the gofund me. It’s up to 70k now.

OP posts:
5128gap · 20/07/2024 17:58

cauliflowercheeseplease · 20/07/2024 16:01

@WetherspoonsSnob this site never fails to amuse me. It’s a forum site to have open discussions yet if you say start a discussion that one person gets on their high horse about, it’s the worst thing in the world.

I can’t stop people from posting their own opinions and nor can you.

in my opinion, it’s outrageous asking people for more money when there has already been thousands of pounds donated, there will be more than enough left for a funeral. It doesn’t have to be a huge, lavish affair for every Tom, dick and Gary to attend ( and they probably will because of how this has been so publicised), it’s supposed to a personal, intimate thing where those that loved him can celebrate his life. Not a dramatic, over the top affair that will cost those who didn’t know the boy. If people want to donate, that’s completely up to them but don’t ask for it! Seek the financial support from the close people around you not the internet.

Jay Slater was a 19 year lad who loved to party. By all accounts he was outgoing, gregarious and prominent in his social circle. When his mum plans his 'send off' I'd imagine like a lot of people she would like to be able to say on the day 'Jay would have loved this' so will make plans in accordance with what she thinks he would have wanted. I'd imagine it's highly unlikely that would be a quiet reflective service for close family only and far more likely to be a huge do, with the more people attending the more comfort she will take from how 'well loved' Jay was. It may not be your idea of tasteful, but it really doesnt effect you and if people want to help pay for it, neither does that. Just let the woman bury her son.

cauliflowercheeseplease · 20/07/2024 17:29

@Skinglow and who do his family think they are asking strangers to pay for his funeral

OP posts:
Skinglow · 20/07/2024 17:19

cauliflowercheeseplease · 20/07/2024 16:01

@WetherspoonsSnob this site never fails to amuse me. It’s a forum site to have open discussions yet if you say start a discussion that one person gets on their high horse about, it’s the worst thing in the world.

I can’t stop people from posting their own opinions and nor can you.

in my opinion, it’s outrageous asking people for more money when there has already been thousands of pounds donated, there will be more than enough left for a funeral. It doesn’t have to be a huge, lavish affair for every Tom, dick and Gary to attend ( and they probably will because of how this has been so publicised), it’s supposed to a personal, intimate thing where those that loved him can celebrate his life. Not a dramatic, over the top affair that will cost those who didn’t know the boy. If people want to donate, that’s completely up to them but don’t ask for it! Seek the financial support from the close people around you not the internet.

There's no 'supposed to be' about any funeral. Who are you to decide how Jay Slaters family choose to say goodbye to him?

HorsesDuvets · 20/07/2024 16:08

I think I'm gonna report the original post and poster to MNHQ

Why not just do it then instead of posting that?

cauliflowercheeseplease · 20/07/2024 16:01

@WetherspoonsSnob this site never fails to amuse me. It’s a forum site to have open discussions yet if you say start a discussion that one person gets on their high horse about, it’s the worst thing in the world.

I can’t stop people from posting their own opinions and nor can you.

in my opinion, it’s outrageous asking people for more money when there has already been thousands of pounds donated, there will be more than enough left for a funeral. It doesn’t have to be a huge, lavish affair for every Tom, dick and Gary to attend ( and they probably will because of how this has been so publicised), it’s supposed to a personal, intimate thing where those that loved him can celebrate his life. Not a dramatic, over the top affair that will cost those who didn’t know the boy. If people want to donate, that’s completely up to them but don’t ask for it! Seek the financial support from the close people around you not the internet.

OP posts:
WetherspoonsSnob · 20/07/2024 14:10

theonlygirl · 20/07/2024 10:27

Nope, if he came from a "socially approved minority" whatever the fuck that is, his disappearance wouldn't have even made the news.

Exactly this and "socially approved minority" like you say whatever the fuck that is sounds like a very thinly disguised dog-whistle racism phrase to me tbh.

It's the sort of thing you wouldn't be surprised to hear an utter demagogue like Trump repeat ad-nauseum, in fact it's very Trumpian.

I think I'm gonna report the original post and poster to MNHQ

Puzzledandpissedoff · 20/07/2024 12:13

While quite rightly their choice to make, @5128gap, it's open to the family and associates to say nothing at all to reporters beyond something like they're grieving and would prefer to be private

It's not necessary for absolutely everything to be plastered all over the media, and with some families that's probably just as well

Swipe left for the next trending thread