Is this odd for an 11 year old?

No periods either yet as I’m the one who always cleans out the bathroom bins (that’s another moan for another thread)

There was a bit of a situation with phones though with her best friend. She is very mature for her age so to be honest I trusted her with it. I blocked most social media apps she just had whattsapp and safari and then a few games. She had started to chat to her best friend more on whattsapp which she was excited about. I think she wants to have more grown up conversations (nothing bad but she likes being older and a bit of a know it all to be honest so she kind of shows off her maturity in the way she speaks to her friends). I don’t know the kind of things they were talking about. Anyway then she got upset because her friend didn’t text her back for about two hours with no warning. When she did text back, her friend apologized and said she has to hand her phone over to her parents for them to check messages. This didn’t really occur to me as DD is sensible and only has friends on there who she can speak to in real life too. I did wonder if maybe DD had written something which she didn’t expect an adult to be reading through? This was a good few months ago though.

i’ll take a wild punt @Ginlfixit

you don’t have children

You mean the updates after other people started filling her head with her husband being a paedophile?

have you read the OP’s updates?

This OP lives with this, knows this man, very very intimately

and she is very very open to this possibility

which indicates that in her sub conscious, she’s been worried

If i started a thread and someone started suggesting this of my husband (now ex), it would take a DAMN sight more than a few anonymous mumsnet posters to make even remotely open to the possibility!

And there you have it. Way before OP even mentioned a thing. First the implication that there must be an adult in the house DD didn’t feel safe with and that’s why she wanted the doors shut, then the ridiculous leap that her father must be sexually abusing her.

It does sound worrying. What exactly does she want to be upset in peace about? Spending so much time in her room on its own may not be a major thing, but the locking herself in the bathroom too along with all the other changes, it does sound like she is troubled by something. My niece self harmed at a young age and we never completely got to the bottom of it but there was suspected to be bullying going on at school that she would not speak about.

Is your DH her father or is she living with an unrelated male?

This has huge red flags for sexual abuse. I'm sorry.

Obviously if your DH is her father it doesn't rule it out (at all) but if he's a stepfather/your boyfriend then that's a big risk to her.

Yes I agree with Ginlfixit but I feel the op has wanted to lead the conversation round to her husband throughout the thread.

I don't know if it's because she suspects him or some other reason.

I disagree .. OP has been railroaded into thinking and believing in a way that is awful, uncalled for, and likely untrue. For a thread to turn from likely hormones or bullying to a child being abused by her dad is fucking horrific.

Yes I agree with Ginlfixit but I feel the op has wanted to lead the conversation round to her husband throughout the thread.

I don't know if it's because she suspects him or some other reason.

Goodness me. What 'agenda' do you think anyone has for this? What a strange thing to say. You have no idea what's going on with her daughter and whether this is 'crap' or not. The fact is, the poor child is showing signs of being unhappy, stressed and erratic. These can be red flags for abuse. I don't know why you're so determined that that can't possibly be true. You're either blessedly naive or you have some kind of personal issue that's clouding your judgement here.

Second of all - don't come on a thread and start attacking other people for their opinions. Just have your own.

The only people filling her head with crap about her husband sexually abusing her DD are people like you. No doubt with their own agendas.

Don't be silly.

A) This isn't a legal record, I don't need to 'retract' anything.

B) The OP has said she has worries about it being something to do with her DH and now wonders if things in their marriage have been 'red flags' for him being an abuser. That's very concerning.

C) Abuse is a very valid angle and the OP's child is showing behaviour that could point towards this.

D) Don't say 'just' bullying - people end their lives over bullying.

I sincerely hope you will be retracting that when this turns out just to be bullying. It's only other people putting that angle in her head.

This worries me. I understand that everyone in your life is under suspicion in the current circumstances and that's right. However, if I was in your situation, although I'd be right to examine the DH angle, there isn't one 'bump' in our marriage that could be a red flag that he's a child abuser.

Is your DH not a nice man, OP?

DH is DDs father yes. He is the only person that DD spends 1 on 1 with other than me so if worst case is reality then I don’t know what id do. DH is at work is there anything I should check? God this all feels so wrong. I’m thinking of every single bump in our marriage as a red flag now which is scaring me.

Ok I have just phoned the gp who wants a chat with DD in a bit. When she came down this morning I told DD I would be phoning and she was annoyed, but I only had to look down at her bruised feet and she went quiet. Do I leave her to talk to the gp alone if she won’t ever say anything in front of me? I will ask her but is that recommended? DS is now suspecting the whole situation may be serious and is a bit anxious himself now 🙁

So do I. Then the people who made insinuations that her own husband might be abusing her DD can tell OP how sorry they are for encouraging her to 'trust her gut' and suspect him.

This is the second time you have alluded to DH in this way. If you have a gut feeling you need to trust it.
I worked with abused girls and some boys for a long time, the child often doesn’t want to raise it with their mother as they do not want to upset them. The abuser plays on this as a way of silencing the child.
you need to have a talk with DD and tell her that she can tell you anything. Explain that adults can do awful things but that people and families survive it and become stronger.
I don’t think you should mention your husband unless she seems to be heading that way.
Another thing to consider is speaking to one of her close friends mum’s. Explain the situation to her and see if she can get her own daughter to open up to her as abused children often tell their friends things.
i do hope it is just rampant hormones and that it gets resolved soon.

DH is DDs father yes. He is the only person that DD spends 1 on 1 with other than me so if worst case is reality then I don’t know what id do. DH is at work is there anything I should check? God this all feels so wrong. I’m thinking of every single bump in our marriage as a red flag now which is scaring me.