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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask this woman to stop?!

374 replies

MarriedMama23 · 30/06/2024 08:25

It's really starting to bother me now but I'm annoyingly polite.

Basically I have a driveway and quite often I will put things at the end of it (within my boundaries) for passing tat men to take away.

Recently there's this woman that walks past quite often as I think she lives nearby, if there is something at the end of my driveway, she will pick it up and come knock my door. Conversation went a bit like:

Her: You left this outside
Me: Yeah, I put it out for the scrap men, it's broken/don't want it anymore
Her: ....
Me: You can have it if you want it?
Her: head tilt, confused looking at me and item no...
Me: Can you pop it back where it was then please?

She did so but she keeps doing it! Always similar variation of this conversation above. She will pick the item up (most recently, an old broken speaker) and trot up to my door to tell me I left it outside? Why? How do I explain to this woman? I'm fairly sure she's native English speaking so I don't think it's a language barrier?

Aibu?

OP posts:
Yippiddy · 30/06/2024 09:20

Sadza · 30/06/2024 09:18

from your replies you seem like quite an aggressive person so I’m surprised you haven’t just told this person where to go.

You are making yourself look silly now.
It's ok for OP to defend herself when posters make snide comments to her.

TroysMammy · 30/06/2024 09:20

People on local Facebook community pages post "stuff free to collect on x street today" or "any scrappies in the area today, stuff on x street" and photos of said stuff and free sign attached. This is stuff on the street and not on a drive though.

Don't open the door to her or if you do just say "oh it's you again" and ask her precisely what she's up to and tell her to stop.

Ryeman · 30/06/2024 09:21

She thinks you’re lowering the tone of the road by leaving junk in view. She’s right.

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 30/06/2024 09:21

It's hilarious that some people are saying she should pay for uplift.

The items would still be left at the end of her driveway. Just she'd have paid.

Items that you've paid to have uplifted are more likely to end up fly tipped than items that someone has voluntarily taken because they think there's some value in them.

Gliblet · 30/06/2024 09:21

BagFullOfNoodles · 30/06/2024 09:03

No, not little things like pots and pans, or speakers, people usually take those to a tip or charity shop if still in good condition.
Leaving things out for the scrap man is usual but it's usually on a set day of the week and large metal items, like a tumble dryer, a metal swing frame etc, so doesn't happen regularly because how often do you have a big chunk of scrap metal lying about. OP seems to just leave rubbish on her drive which is irritating her neighbour

Where I live ('nice' middle class city suburb) it's a regular/normal occurrence. People put out boxes of books for others to rummage through, household items, odds and ends of crockery, spare plant pots, kids toys, unloved half wilted houseplants... Any given day there'll be a couple of houses with 'stuff' outside free for taking. And yes, there are also the scrap fairies who make anything metal disappear.

It was the same when we lived in a medium to large town previously - when we moved I spent two days putting stuff outside that I was pruning out (ie couldn't be bothered to pack) and everything had gone by the time the removals van turned up.

OP I get the 'why should I?' argument about putting out a sign/chalking it next to the item but if it solves the problem maybe it's a relatively small hassle to get rid of a bigger one? Aside from stopping the weird driveway patrol, if others aren't sure whether the item is okay to take - and we can see how many people wouldn't be - maybe it'll get rid of things even quicker?

Maddy70 · 30/06/2024 09:22

MarriedMama23 · 30/06/2024 08:40

I'm putting it on my driveway, not the street, work on your reading comprehension please.

Why so rude to posters who youve asked an opinion of.

Without a sign anyone taking stuff from your property is stealing

It looks really unsightly. Shes probably clumsily getting you to tidy up your shit which makes the street look like a dump

maudelovesharold · 30/06/2024 09:23

No, not little things like pots and pans, or speakers, people usually take those to a tip or charity shop if still in good condition.

Not in some enlightened areas (e.g. Bristol) where it’s considered akin to recycling, if you leave stuff on your front wall or path, and someone else can use it, instead of dumping it. Very, very commonplace, to the extent that you have to be careful where you put stuff, in case it’s mistaken for ‘recycling’!

Yippiddy · 30/06/2024 09:23

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 30/06/2024 09:20

She sounds mental as if you’d leave your pots and pans on the drive for no reason 😂

Im not a door opener though.

That's exactly what I do. They are generally still usable but they aren't good enough for the charity shop.
They go very quickly. I don't know if people are taking them to use or to to use the metal.
I put out all my old plastic plant pots the other day and they all went.

SoupDragon · 30/06/2024 09:23

Missenger · 30/06/2024 09:20

It's not fly tipping and it's not just in middle class areas

Is it even possible to fly tip on your own land?

GeraniumLeaves · 30/06/2024 09:24

Desertislandparadise · 30/06/2024 08:56

Have to say this whole thread is weird to me. Is this the norm in the UK?

Even where it is, a lot of people don’t like it. It’s common where my parents live and there is a real problem with blokes in vans taking stuff that is not junk from people’s front gardens. People leaving crap out on purpose encourages it. None of this happens where I am, thankfully.

godmum56 · 30/06/2024 09:24

Round here (naice area) its the done thing to leave stuff out for collection although we do need to post on FB because its a small estate and not on the main road. Our council charge an arm and a leg to take large items, won't take small ones and don't recycle metal. Stuff doesn't sit for long, a week is the longest, and because its normally heavy things, no one wants to move them twice...so you basically put it out when you get the new one, post that its there on social media and leave it there till collected. They are licenced collectors (licences can be checked online) and will recycle pretty much anything and then responsibly dispose of the parts that can't be recycled. I honestly don't see a problem. The same people will take non recyclables (mattresses and so on) for a fee which is less than the council charge, as I said they hold the appropriate licence to do it.

hopscotcher · 30/06/2024 09:25

Maddy70 · 30/06/2024 09:22

Why so rude to posters who youve asked an opinion of.

Without a sign anyone taking stuff from your property is stealing

It looks really unsightly. Shes probably clumsily getting you to tidy up your shit which makes the street look like a dump

So why doesn't she say that explicitly, instead of 'You left this outside'?
I wouldn't engage with her after the first time.

somethingwickedlivesnextdoor · 30/06/2024 09:25

If you're leaving stuff out every couple of weeks, she clearly thinks it looks messy and you're bringing down the tone of the neighbourhood. Can't say I disagree.

AnnaL94 · 30/06/2024 09:26

Christ, some of you lot would have a heart attack if you had a walk round my local estate.

There’s all sorts kept and left on drives and front gardens round here. Washing machines, bed frames, bikes, scooters, sofas, sandbags you name it. It’s a bit like Shameless, but it’s home.

Wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. Especially after reading hundreds of neighbour threads on Mumsnet from “naice” areas.

porridgecake · 30/06/2024 09:28

Sadza · 30/06/2024 08:54

Who leaves stuff regularly in the drive for ‘tat’ men? What are ‘tat’ men? Do you live in a Steptoe style junkyard? How often are you leaving stuff out? If it’s collected every 24 hours surely this can’t be an ongoing problem. This post can’t be real.

Where I live everyone leaves unwanted stuff on their drive. Not on the pavement, on the drive. The scrap collectors get paid for anything metal. They wouldn't waste their time collecting stuff just to fly tip it. People leave small furniture items that somebody might be able to use. Things disappear within hours. If they don't, we take them to the tip. It works very well. (Just don't leave anything out by mistake). Why pay the council to collect your tumble dryer if the scrap man will take it and get some money for it?

WinterInTheAutumn · 30/06/2024 09:29

We have a scrap man who collects anything metal hence the shout of ‘any old iron’ - oh and we live in what some would describe as a ‘very naice’ Cheshire suburb! He does have a sound system on his truck now though with a prerecorded shout out! 😆

We don’t drop any old tat in our driveway for him though as he’s purely collecting scrap metal items. I would think that this is what’s she’s querying but is going an odd way about it.

Strugglingtodomybest · 30/06/2024 09:30

lots of people on my street do it but I've only seen her being stuff to my door

Just posting this, as a lot of the previous posters seem to have missed it in their haste to berate the op for lowering the tone of her street.

OP, maybe she's below average intelligence and thinks she's doing you a favour? It's weird, I'd probably just ask her why she keeps doing it.

Moveoverdarlin · 30/06/2024 09:30

Desertislandparadise · 30/06/2024 08:56

Have to say this whole thread is weird to me. Is this the norm in the UK?

No, never left anything out on my drive for people to take in my life. And I’d be pissed off if my neighbours did.

Mandoidi · 30/06/2024 09:31

I'm not a fan of people leaving things out at the front of your house randomly to be taken.

It doesn't look great in the first place, no matter how long it's going to stay out.

You don't know whats going to happen to it in the time its out there. If it's light it can be blown away, or someone might take it to mess about with it and then discard it. Suddenly it has now become litter.

It just seems lazy really.

I've given stuff away on freecycle but I always arrange collection and keep it in until then.

When i needed to get rid of large items with the council they tell you to put a specific note on it so it's clear why its there. And I thought the price was very reasonable- cheaper than any other method available to me (double mattress, large garden gate- too big for me to transport)

We did use a scrap man for some metal bits but it was an arranged visit, so it didn't go out until they came.

And then other things it's the tip/supermarket recycling. Appliances can be removed by the installer if you are getting a new one for a reasonable fee- and you dont have to wrestle it anywhere, they do it. I think they will also take small appliances (radios, hairdryers etc) with them for free too if you've already paid to have a bigger appliance taken away.

So i just think there's other methods available. I don't think I'd go and knock on someones door about it, but if it happened frequently I would definitely be thinking that it looked messy/lazy

Epicaricacy · 30/06/2024 09:31

Simonjt · 30/06/2024 08:34

Its likely making the street look messy and unkempt, a bit like fly tipping in a rural layby.

Are you checking the person collecting your rubbish has an appropriate waste license??

oh please, everyone does that, it's obvious it will be collected. It's on the OP's PROPERTY! It's not like she dumped old furniture for weeks or months.

BMW6 · 30/06/2024 09:33

Sadza · 30/06/2024 08:54

Who leaves stuff regularly in the drive for ‘tat’ men? What are ‘tat’ men? Do you live in a Steptoe style junkyard? How often are you leaving stuff out? If it’s collected every 24 hours surely this can’t be an ongoing problem. This post can’t be real.

Your experience is limited.

Our area does it. Scrap van men come around every couple of weeks. They take anything metal.

Of course it doesn't look like Steptoes scrapyard because people aren't frequently getting rid of old stuff! There's enough dotted around now and then to make it worthwhile for the collectors.

FiftynFooked · 30/06/2024 09:33

Sadza · 30/06/2024 08:54

Who leaves stuff regularly in the drive for ‘tat’ men? What are ‘tat’ men? Do you live in a Steptoe style junkyard? How often are you leaving stuff out? If it’s collected every 24 hours surely this can’t be an ongoing problem. This post can’t be real.

We do. Quite common in our area. The “tat man” or “tatters” is another expression for scrap men. I wouldn’t say ours come every 24 hours but every few days definitely.

whyamisotiredallthetime · 30/06/2024 09:33

The scrap men will not be dumping this crap
They use anything they can to increase the weight of items they are able to weigh in

Eg - if they scrap in a wrecked car they will fill it with any microwaves etc they pick up

Your attitude is a bit off OP

Nolongera · 30/06/2024 09:35

Some people round here put out stuff out they don't want and kids end up taking it, smashing it up and leaving it in the park.

There is a crappy trampoline at the moment slowly disintegrating there right now, but I imagine the people that put it out feel blameless.

Just a lazy way to get rid of stuff you don't want and can't be arsed to take to the tip, dressed up as helping people.

porridgecake · 30/06/2024 09:35

Mandoidi · 30/06/2024 09:31

I'm not a fan of people leaving things out at the front of your house randomly to be taken.

It doesn't look great in the first place, no matter how long it's going to stay out.

You don't know whats going to happen to it in the time its out there. If it's light it can be blown away, or someone might take it to mess about with it and then discard it. Suddenly it has now become litter.

It just seems lazy really.

I've given stuff away on freecycle but I always arrange collection and keep it in until then.

When i needed to get rid of large items with the council they tell you to put a specific note on it so it's clear why its there. And I thought the price was very reasonable- cheaper than any other method available to me (double mattress, large garden gate- too big for me to transport)

We did use a scrap man for some metal bits but it was an arranged visit, so it didn't go out until they came.

And then other things it's the tip/supermarket recycling. Appliances can be removed by the installer if you are getting a new one for a reasonable fee- and you dont have to wrestle it anywhere, they do it. I think they will also take small appliances (radios, hairdryers etc) with them for free too if you've already paid to have a bigger appliance taken away.

So i just think there's other methods available. I don't think I'd go and knock on someones door about it, but if it happened frequently I would definitely be thinking that it looked messy/lazy

Round here people only leave metal and useable stuff. Not rubbish.

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