Embarrassing Doctor Stories

And blue ice team can turn your poop green!

@oakleaffy thank you for sharing that link. It was a really interesting read.
She sounds like a formidable character but then she would have needed to be in the time she was pursuing surgery as a career. I work regularly with urology surgeons and they are some of the nicest people I know.

I was in hospital with acute pancreatitis caused by a trapped gall stone. The pain was terrible. Morphine did not control it from one dose to the next. One night I was in so much pain they forgot to give me the stuff they give with the morphine that stops you hallucinating.

In the middle of the night a nurse came to give me some meds. She recognised me as her ex-GCSE English teacher and asked how I was doing. I clutched her hand and whispered 'There are little green aliens running around the ward. They are about a foot high, loads of them. They're everywhere'. She explained why I was seeing them and I just went on and on 'Yes, I know but there's one behind the chair now. Quick, have a look. It's hiding.' 'There's a line of them running down the ward. Look.' ' If you don't get them stopped, they'll take over .' 'Don't tell me they're not real, I saw the spaceship land outside in the garden.'

I was mortified the next morning, Her younger brother was still at the school- he never said anything about it though.

When DH came in one night I told him a man was hiding under a large towel behind the armchair next to the bed. I was so convincing he checked.

I thought my Whippet had a tick - it was just one of her larger nipples and I wasn't wearing my reading specs.
{She had recently had a tick next to her ear that I'd removed, so ticks were on my mind}

When my son was a toddler, he had a Hydrocele - {his testicle looked very swollen} He was referred to a lovely consultant called Mrs Noblett
I made a passing joke to the GP about an appropriate name, but he remained stony faced.
🧐

Wonderful Mrs Noblett here :

https://www.baps.org.uk/news/obituary/obituary-helen-rae-noblett/

😂😂

A friend of my husband's pronounces Omeprazole, as home-appraisal.

Naturally, we do likewise now.

Now I shall forever call Anusol,Anus Olé.

I’m a doctor of almost 20 years and there is nothing I haven’t seen / heard/ smelt- it genuinely is all in a days work!
The photos set to music really made me laugh though- mainly because it’s the kind of thing that would happen to me!
I’ve also been caught out by the beetroot poo but then remembered what I had been eating 😂
I’ve also worried about my cats “lumps” - nipples!
I am honestly very good at my job, I just seem to lose perspective when it comes to my pets 😬

omg, you win!

Some of the others, I think the GPs need to be more sympathetic. This one's hilarious

Same here.
Had a long procedure with a crowd in the theatre as it was a new technique with some fancy new equipment.
Apparently I spent the entire time attempting to tell everyone a rude joke, luckily totally incoherent and slurred.
Surgeon asked me afterwards if I'd like to tell it properly.
*cringe

@Curlygirl06 Oh my goodness! I BET it was one of those oldskool Body Shop Glycerine strawberry shaped soaps- they go squishy fast.

Oh my! I haven't laughed so much at a thread in ages, thanks for cheering me up! This should definitely go in Classics.

Me too! It's so annoying. It's that they can't reach the cervix properly -it does make for more faffing about.

But there was one Nurse who was superb at it.
I was expecting the usual fannying about, and it was done so fast and without discomfort.

It's like some nurses are good at taking bloods- they have a six sense as to the best place to tap the vein.

I had a few days in hospital with a post-op infection following a gallbladder removal. Ended up having a second op under GA one evening to flush out abscess and insert a drain. Next morning consultant came and asked to check the drain, so I grabbed the hem of the hospital gown I was still in, and whipped it up, and then realised I'd not put my pants back on when I got back on the ward - too dopey after the anaesthetic - and had just flashed my old-lady pubes at doc and the dozen or so medical students accompanying him. Doc was lovely though, and just gently brought the bedsheet up to cover me. I focused on him though and couldn't even look at the students.

Thanks! Tried various things via google, & I think it may be this one:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4566957-sweaty-patch-on-seats

@Katemax82 yes 😳

@ifIwerenotanandroid I think it was something along the lines of "do you do the 'wiggle and stand'"

Didn't we all?

I'm sure there's a MN thread about 'the diamond of shame'. It had me howling with laughter, especially at the woman who sat astride a motorbike at a show/exhibition, then got off & realised she'd left The Diamond on the seat of it, & a bloke saw it too & said, "You really liked that one, then."😂If anyone can find it, I'd love to read it again.

I've been giggling about this for hours...

Similar to the clothing dye ones, I was noticing patches of brownish-yellow discoloured skin all over my body and was about to go to the doctor, then I realised it was a hot summer so I wasn't wearing a lot around the house, and had a big, gorgeous bouquet of Casablanca lilies that were shedding pollen on me

My gastro consultant is a dead ringer for a longtime friend of mine. It was VERY weird discussing my poo with him & even more so when he did a colonoscopy on me.

Had some abdominal pains, went for an ultrasound of my ovaries. The nurse said "did nobody tell you to go to the toilet before coming to the appointment?".

The scan showed a big poo making it difficult for the nurse to see my ovaries 😣

Had sedation for a minor surgery and when I come round, its like I'm drunk. Last time I tried to bond with the nurse over the fact that I too, was wearing shoes, like an enthusiastic toddler. They are always very gracious about it which makes it worse.

Oh God - I've just remembered. I had an appointment with a specialist about my lower back pain and hadn't really thought what the examination would entail. He wanted me to take off my clothes to my underwear, face opposite to him and bend over so he could see what my spine/pelvis were doing. Except I was wearing a thong (fashionable in the 90s for no VPL). I was mortified. He smirked. Sorted out my back though. I had blocked it out but now I've remembered I still burn with shame.