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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex Friend & Friend?

30 replies

Pin18 · 30/05/2024 11:42

Hello

Just looking for some non bias advice. I know I am a very sensitive person, I suffer with a lot of medical trauma, I have chronic illnesses etc and medicated for anxiety so just need either reassurance or to be told to get over it!

I have well had 2 very close friends from school, one from nursery who i am still friends with. I was probably closer to the friend that has cut me off since last year, she is my sons godmother, her sons were like nephews to me, I looked after them a lot, was always at her house to help out a her husband works really awkward shifts. Anyways i thought we had a great friendship, never fell out , honest etc and she got me through a hard time when i was struggling to conceive and our other friend had fell pregnant surprisingly and i got her through a lot of hard times aswell. I use to always say id be devastated if we fell out and to be honest i was.

So one thing - me and this now ex friend where born beside each other - she is one day older. Anyways each year i havent bothered much about my birthday - she likes to celebrate hers and her little boys is also around same time so we prioritised him - went to all his bday even on my own actual birthday. So last year she was feeling really down as she hadnt be in contact with her mum (toxic relationship) so i suggested we throw a joint party in my house for her and me. Fab all sorted. Until she started speaking to her mum again and i got a text basically changed plans i an join her party but it will be at hr house now and her mum and sis will organise. I did feel a bit miffed , but decided to let her have her night and id just celebrate my birthday separate - meal out with my husband and kids. Myself and other friend were invited to party and we seen in the group texts it was going to be mostly family and one of her friends i dont know well. My friend text me saying she didnt want to go and we were the only non family members and it would be awkward etc, i felt that same and I thought she would understand i was wanting to celebrate my own birthday with my family. So my other friend said she couldnt get childcare because her husband would be out. Anyways i start getting ignored , she cancels on me twice last minute which i asked her about and then radio silence for 3 weeks. Finally she answered me saying i could celebrate my birthday another night and i should of changed plans and attented her birthday etc. She made excuses she was busy and had been upset over her late aunts birthday - although she had been out at shops, out for meals , cocktails etc. I apologised and said i didnt mean to cause upset and i was really sorry but i didnt think she would mind. She cut me off, she disinvited my kids to her kids birthdays , missed her godsons 1st birthday etc even when i send her kids bday presents. I was gutted.

Moving on to now its been 8 months and my other friend who basically lied about childcare to an extent, didnt go to the party and actually had popped into my house on the same night - all fine. (other friend doesnt know this) but my friend has never stuck up for me and said well we both done that whereas i had a genuine its also my bday weekend reason. we are 34 btw so to me this is absolute ridiculous and childs play. I seen a picture that they were out the other day and both their sons wearing my sons clothes i handed down to them. It broke me - i feel really let down. I was a good friend to both, my other friend also lied to me for 5 months about her pregnancy and wasnt nice when i was TTC but i never fell out with her at all yet this is all happened to me over a daft party.

Any advice?

OP posts:
SuchiRolls · 30/05/2024 15:29

As upsetting as it is to you, I’d think if it were me, I’d think, they’ve shown their arses. They are focused on only them. You’ve sacrificed how you feel by not communicating that to your ex friend, that was your choice. She’s taken your friendship for granted and it seems to me you view the friendship very differently. Either way they’re both welcome to one another and at least now you can move on and know you can’t trust either of them ever again. Move on now and forge new friendships, because these people aren’t it.

Pin18 · 30/05/2024 15:50

I am 100% a people pleaser as I hate people being angry or upset at me. I am a genuine person too and I have friendships thats lasted years and years due to mutual respect and honesty. Being there for each other etc.

Yeah i agree about resentment thing as she had let me down a few times weeks prior , cancelling last min, cancelling for other friends etc. so i think this was the final straw and i was like nah im doing my own thing now but i didnt expect an argument like that , i thought we were 34 and could speak to each other like adults about what annoyed us, get over it but like i said before i hadnt ever had a argument with her so didnt know how she would react. I like to just have the argument sort things and move on, she likes to stew over things.

It was all via text as she wouldn't see me or answer my phone calls after I said i was going to do my own thing. I could tell she was angry , like i said i just agreed and said she should have her party, i did advise her that i didnt want to change plans but there wasn't much of a comeback just acceptance she was now getting her own party as i honestly felt i would look like a right idiot if i started a blazing row over it

OP posts:
bloodyeffinnora · 30/05/2024 16:04

so she's not your friend unless everything goes her way? ,nope I'd let this friendship go, seems very one sided.

itsmylife7 · 30/05/2024 16:15

Have you always been the ' yes I can help you' friend ?

The one time you actually say NO to her she cuts you off ?

You need to work on not being a pushover OP....friendships are meant to be a two way thing.

Pin18 · 30/05/2024 16:30

itsmylife7 · 30/05/2024 16:15

Have you always been the ' yes I can help you' friend ?

The one time you actually say NO to her she cuts you off ?

You need to work on not being a pushover OP....friendships are meant to be a two way thing.

Yes ive always been that friend as i suppose im scared of losing friendships but yeah your right i need to just let go, i think im just gutted at the thought of her being my sons godmother , i miss her boys so much they were genuinely like my nephews but your right

OP posts:
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