help. Feel like I'm in love with DHs best friend

Can you work from home??

Also, go into work looking like a dogs dinner. Ime, part of what feeds the crush is feeling attractive (potentially) to them, so make sure you look as close to death warmed up as you dare. This one works.

I agree with all of those people saying it’s a harmless crush (as long as you don’t act on anything) - I think it’s less about it being your husband’s best friend and more about it being proximity and a colleague. I think it’s something vaguely new and exciting but safe & familiar to let your mind wander to.

Out of curiosity is this colleague/DH’s friend married and do you think he has a crush on you? If he’s single & the answer is yes then I think this also plays in to it.

It's a crush, a strong one, and potentially limerance.

You just need to let yourself accept that you fancy him and acknowledge that you might be projecting or exaggerating good qualities on to him. As long as you don't act upon it or behave inappropriately in any way it's ok to have an intense crush.

My experience is that they go away in time and it's like snapping out of it. If you find your mind wandering imagining frolocking along a beach with him or in a romantic restaurant or whatever, remind yourself that you don't know him in that way and your brain is filling in the gaps of what you don't know (for example what conversation would be like over dinner) to make him the perfect man. It does do that! I read somewhere recently that if your brain is low in serotonin you can create these scenarios or fantasies in your head over a man in order to get a serotonin release.

Keep it to yourself and ride it out. Remind yourself often that it is a crush and that you are likely building him up to be better than he actually is. Also you could try to see things you dont like about him to try to bring you back to reality?

Fwiw, I always get crushes on some people I work with. I’m bisexual, so it’s women as well. I think it’s normal. It passes.

It's a crush, he's familiar and possibly safe. Seeing him differently now maybe.

Any problems or boredom with your home life? Concentrate on that safe in the knowledge he likely leaves slikkies in his pants 😂

I think it's pretty normal you've got a crush, if he's best mates with your DH then they're likely pretty similar. It doesn't mean the mate is better, he's just still shiny in a way a long term partner never will be. It doesnt have to mean anything.

Ok, very happy to stand corrected! As I say, I can’t imagine that happening in my life and me thinking it’s normal but I’m well aware I could be the unusual one!

Any chance of moving teams?

Having crushes on someone who isn't your partner is incredibly normal. I doubt there are many marriages where neither party has ever had a small crush on someone else.

The reason it's her DH's mate is just because of the proximity. She sees him at work - dressed nicely, on his best behaviour. It'll pass, as crushes do. The main thing is not to act on it, not even flirting.

If it doesn't pass, she might want to consider leaving her job, but taking drastic action over something that is almost certain to be temporary would be madness.

There was a very similar thread last year... was that you? If so, I think you have a bigger issue than you're admitting to now.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4833054-feel-awful-limerancecrush-dhs-friend www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4833054-feel-awful-limerancecrush-dhs-friend]]

Op this is completely within your control.
you alone can decide not to act on this crush and not to give him any indication!

how would you feel if your DH betrayed you with a friend?

Start making time for you and DH to have date nights, time for the two of you. You just need to fall back in love with your DH, and be his partner rather than just being a mum and dad. Remember why you got together in the first place

This!

It’s completely normal to develop crushes and attractions to other people when in a happy and committed relationship. As long as you do nothing about it and admit that it’s just a little attraction then there’s nothing wrong .

I would just calm down with the chatting to him and just remind yourself that it’s only temporary.

You're playing with fire

If you think you can ride it out without showing anything at all or withdrawing from your husband then fair enough. This includes after a drink (if you drink). Stay totally sober at work socials and leave early and have an iron will in terms of indulging your desire to get this man's attention.

Depends how much this is affecting you though.

Little crush where you're dressing a bit better for work? Ok... But why are you making the effort? to what end? Are you thinking about this man outside of work, comparing him with husband, making excuses to talk to him etc, even if you think nobody is aware? Contacting outside work?? Be honest with yourself about how far this is going. If you need to prioritise your marriage and move team/job do it. Don't make a fool of yourself or your husband on your doorstep. Don't say anything negative about your husband to him.

How are things with DH?

I guess this is the question - OP, do you get crushes often? Are you confident it will just pass?

Don't act on it. Crack on with work. Cool off some of the chatting a bit so you don't encourage anything. In time, you'll get over it.

We're all human, we need some attention and excitement sometimes I guess. Nothing wrong with private thoughts.

Surely it’s just a crush and you ignore it and wait for it to pass.

really? This guy is her husbands best mate… does that happen often? I just can’t imagine having a crush on someone so close to my OH.

Utterly ridiculous. If everyone ended their marriage because they had a crush (that they hadn't acted upon), there would be no marriages left!

I read once that making something up about them in your head that puts you off them and continually repeating it in your mind sort of tricks you into believing it and can get rid of the feelings. Worth a try.

I’m really not a LTB cheerleader but honestly, a crush on your husbands best mate (who you work with) would be a big problem in my world (perhaps because I can’t imagine it happening). I could be massively overreacting but I couldn’t deal with this in my life.

Maybe because you see him in work circumstances-smartly dressed and behaving appropriately .. Imagine him scratching his balls/leaving the loo seat up / in tartan pj's and slippers /skiddy pants /the grass isn't greener. It's still grass..
When I got married dh's best mate pulled me aside and declared he had feelings... Omg too late you daft man.... If I had known. ...
But a crush you need to ignore op.

Ok… I can’t imagine feeling this way about anybody outside of my relationship (which is why I suggested you might need to consider ending it) but perhaps your situation is very normal and I’m in the wrong?

leaving your job may seem like a big step but now consider how you’d feel if your OH felt the way you do about someone he worked with..(who also happened to be your childhood friend)

What a totally inappropriate response to a non problem. As long as you know you will never act on it even if you were put in a situation where you could (and you’d obviously need buy in from him too which is unlikely) then just crack on at work and it will pass and probably in the short term make days go quicker 😀 don’t overreact or listen to the overreactions which will follow on here.