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Original poster

Should I send this text? Or is it desperate?

463 replies

Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:09

I had a first date with someone yesterday after work, it's someone I've already met as a friend of a friend, and we've always got on very well/I felt chemistry.
The date was about 2 hours, a drink and very quick bite to eat. Conversation flowed super well, we had a good laugh. I wasn't sure if I felt attracted to him if I'm honest, but I have felt that attraction previously so I'm willing to give it a try.

So he made comments about wanting to do it again, I agreed, and I sent a casual, good to see you, hope you got back ok. The convo naturally ended .

Wondering if I should hint at meeting him again? There are a ton of films coming out that we were both talking about that are out this month.
Should I text something like 'It'd be cool to see one of those films we talked about soon'

So to imply I want to see him, but it still lets him arrange details?
Or is that chasing/desperate?
I'm pretty paranoid now tbh, but I'm also paranoid that he got a vibe I didn't find him that attractive, even if I do like him.

OP posts:
Zonder · 10/05/2024 07:58

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Well that's quite amusing. Common sense would make me question that stat, followed by the straw poll I just linked to. I guess at a push it could be like the number of people on a census who say their religion is jedi or they speak Klingon.

Shelllyfish · 10/05/2024 07:57

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Shelllyfish · 10/05/2024 07:55

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Shelllyfish · 10/05/2024 07:55

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BirthdayRainbow · 10/05/2024 07:49

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Prove your claimed facts.

BirthdayRainbow · 10/05/2024 07:46

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Nonsense.

@Sugarandmoresugar10 send the message, suggest after Tuesday if that is genuinely the first night you are free but for goodness sake stop over thinking it. No game playing.

Seaofdreams942 · 10/05/2024 07:32

Would you like to go to see the new Planet of the Apes film with me this weekend ?

abracadabra1980 · 10/05/2024 07:32

Hoglet70 · 09/05/2024 22:11

He's not telepathic, send the text.

This 100%. Just make it sound really casual. It's just as hard for men to do the asking!

ShowOfHands · 10/05/2024 07:31

Good God.

Scared off? They're humans, not foxes during a hunt.

Begging? They're humans being asked to the pictures, not the Aristocracy hurrying past a Victorian slum.

Desperate? We're humans, not drowning kittens.

FFS.

If you want to go to a place with a person, ask them. If you've misunderstood the imaginary rules of an invented game and he treats you a certain way because you spoke to him like an adult, it wasn't worth it in the first place.

Are marriages and LTRs all built on some pseudo rules about who sends a text and how or are we going to pursue respect, love and equality at some point?

Zonder · 10/05/2024 07:28

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Wow I'm really interested in this. Where did you get that figure from? Are the stats available? I wonder where the figures are coming from since I didn't tell MN my age

CommentNow · 10/05/2024 07:28

CommentNow · 10/05/2024 07:26

I absolutely would not send a hinting text. It lacks confidence.

I would send a direct saying it was great to see him before and you're going into town tomorrow with friends and after you've finished, does he want to meet you at the cinema at X time to watch the film you talked about. Direct, light, breezy.

Is answer is either yes, no, no but let's plan another time or ghosting.

And FYI, men chasing women after they say no was romanticised 90s/00s crap that encouraged men to disrespect women's boundaries.

Or if you don't want to say you're meeting friends, just a screenshot of the film with

🤩 shall we???

diddl · 10/05/2024 07:27

its beggie and desperate

😂😂😂😂😂😂

CommentNow · 10/05/2024 07:26

I absolutely would not send a hinting text. It lacks confidence.

I would send a direct saying it was great to see him before and you're going into town tomorrow with friends and after you've finished, does he want to meet you at the cinema at X time to watch the film you talked about. Direct, light, breezy.

Is answer is either yes, no, no but let's plan another time or ghosting.

And FYI, men chasing women after they say no was romanticised 90s/00s crap that encouraged men to disrespect women's boundaries.

diddl · 10/05/2024 07:25

Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 23:05

I just feel he won't value me as much because he'll see I like him and hasn't had to work as such for me. I know that sounds grim .

Bloody hell!

Husband asked me out as I was about to ask him out.

We had sex on the first date & have been married for 30yrs!

If he would say no just because you asked him then imo you'd be better off out of it anyway!

Olika · 10/05/2024 07:24

You get people saying both ways so you should do whatever works best for you.

Lovinglife57 · 10/05/2024 07:20

Do not send anything its beggie and desperate just wait if he don't arrange another date its because he doesn't want one ...dont do it

Amx · 10/05/2024 07:17

Text him later this morning. No harm done.

Easipeelerie · 10/05/2024 07:14

Text early next week. Be direct. Name the film you’d like to see/imagine you’d both like to see.

Ineedaholidayyyy · 10/05/2024 07:08

It's a very dated attitude that the man has to do all the initiating for the for the first few dates whilst the woman waits to be asked.

You are not acting desperate by sending him a text asking him if he fancies watching a film with you. Go for it!

BananaLambo · 10/05/2024 07:07

If you want to see him again don’t send a wishy washy ‘be good to see any of the movies we talked about’ text. Just say what you want. A ‘Hi Gary, do you fancy going to see Care Bears 3 at the Odeon on Saturday?’ Will suffice.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 10/05/2024 07:05

Sugarandmoresugar10 · 09/05/2024 22:30

It's just weird how it'd be seen as desperate if I sent that, but not as desperate if he sent it?

This stereotype assume every man feels confident enough to reach out and act on their feelings hence if they text they're not interested so you shouldn't. As if no man can ever be shy or anxious or uncertain. If a light would you like to catch a movie text turns him off then he's not a man worth being with. You shouldn't need to play games.

Shelllyfish · 10/05/2024 07:01

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Sunnyandsilly · 10/05/2024 06:59

Oh op. All these fixed ideas in your head. Worst case he says no, and I can guarantee it won’t be because you asked.

just text and first ask how he is, something like hey how are you doing, enjoying the weather, working in it is tough 😄x

or whatever, and when he responds, then say fancy seeing this movie?

Ikeashowroom · 10/05/2024 06:59

@SomeSuspiciousSushi when you say dating scene do you mean apps? I'd agree that 90% of men on apps are after a shag. OP says they met in real life though so I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Plenty of men can chase and still only be after a shag too.

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