Should I send this text? Or is it desperate?

No — it's mind games and you don't build a healthy relationships on playing mind games. 'If I text him now will he think I'm desperate?' 'She's not the woman for me if she takes the initiative.' Do this and you'll get a man... Don't do this or you'll put him off...

Just be yourself, with your enthusiasm on show if you feel it, and keep applying until you find a partner who will respond positively to who you are and be a good match. There is absolutely no point in trying to forge a relationship with someone you hope to spend years with if you have to change your behaviour or follow a set of rules from a book.

I wonder if this is why so many women on MN seem to live with/ marry men who treat them really badly and whom the women don't understand and can't communicate clearly with? Did they start by playing the game in order to land a man, only to find out he has no respect, let alone love, for them?

It's not playing games. It's not coming across as desperate and needy. I'm not desperate or needy so wouldn't text. I'd leave time to see if he text. OP has already instigated one text, getting a reply but not a suggestion of a further date. The ball is in his court.

Listen darling reading your last comments I am starting to think that there are some underlying issues here that need addressing.

It is evident you have low selfsteem and you need to work on it. You can't afford going through these mind games every time you have a date with a man.

I don't play games but I like to see lots of interest from my new dating partner - that I will reciprocate. If we parted and I wanted to see him again I'd have sent a text saying how much fun I'd had and I'd love to see him again. Generally I'd send that the following morning after the date. If he got in first I'd respond enthusiastically and suggest somewhere for a next date.

If I don't want to see him I'd also quickly send a text to that effect to avoid any crossed wires or unnecessary hurt or embarassement.

If I sent a text saying how much I enjoyed the date and would like to see him again before he sent anything I'd expect him to be suggesting the next date.

Urgh.
If a woman says no, it means no. If a man says no, it means no.

I don't understand all this "chasing" nonsense. I'm in my mid-50s, and it was a thing apparently when I was young. I didn't play the game. If I was interested I was interested, if I wasn't I said no. If someone persisted I reiterated that I'd said no.

Bloody hell, at least read the ops posts…

Send the text! X

By agonising how you come across you are doing yourself an injustice, OP. Never apologise or second guess being upfront and straightforward about what you want – and expect the same in return. If you 'scare someone off' by 'chasing' then that person is an absolute dud and you should be waving goodbye to them enthusiastically. You will only ever put off the wrong people, and that is a good thing.

Observing these outdated dating 'rules' will bring nothing but undeserving people to you. The right person will be thrilled and interested in you no matter what.

Op, honestly please try to stop overthinking this, it’s not as you are too nice and offered to buy him a drink. Maybe he was also meeting others, maybe like you he wasn’t feeling it. Who knows. It doesn’t matter, not ever one works out..you’ve played it perfect.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. He hasn't said an absolute no but at least you know where you stand now.

I hate myself for quoting from SATC, but here goes - if a man is ambiguous about what his feelings are towards you, he is just not that into you

Curious as to where you get these 'facts' from. According to mumsnet themselves (information for advertisers), 78% of users are between 26-45 (source: www.mumsnet.com/i/advertising). Given AIBU is the generally the most active topic, I'd be surprised if it was then so heavily occupied by the 22% who fall outside of that age range....

You did nothing wrong OP. Don’t overthink it. What you did was perfectly acceptable. I hate the type of games you’re talking about - that’s not how human connection occurs. Better luck in the future.

This is terrible, I can't remember the timeline in the op but if a date is Saturday for example on Tuesday I would text once 'I hear the film is out next week I will be going if you want to join me let me know' type thing and then leave it

There is a difference in being nice and being a stalker

If this is real, OP, you seriously need some kind of coaching or a thoughtful friend. You have torn a simple interaction to bits worrying about rules and whether you sent out signals or were too this/that/nice/standoffish.

If you like someone and want to see more of them:ask them out.
If they like you and want to see more of you: they will accept.
If they say no: move on. Its goid information that they are not the right person for you.

I have thought this for a long time!

I don't have a lot of experience with dating and new relationships, but with the guy I was seeing before I met the love of my life (been together 11 years now), I was always quite worried about approaching him and suggesting we do things.

When I met my partner, none of that existed. We both clearly had a lot of chemistry and wanted to spend time together as soon as possible after we first met. I was very attracted to him and that felt reciprocated.

I honestly wouldn't bother taking this further, it sounds a bit luke warm. Unless you're happy with a casual thing of course! Not every relationship has to be the big one.

That’s absolute crap - that’s also a 15 yr age span! Almost 2 decades 🤣
& yes, you’re ageist- try a bit harder to fix that.

You should have been my life coach. 👏🏻👏🏻

Yes. Exactly.

No point fanny around playing stupid "oh, let him do the chasing". Just ask.

You are overthinking this. Nothing you wrote him/didn't write him would make a difference if he is busy with other things/he just isn't interested enough to make it happen. Just let it be, concentrate on other things and if he comes back to you at some point with suggestion to meet then decide what you do at that point.

Yes you did so that’s stopped you wasting unnecessary time. I used to be quite good at asking guys out when I was younger (pretty successfully) but I do remember meeting someone once, we snogged and ‘petted’ (remember that word, I never hear it now) and exchanged numbers. I didn’t hear back after a few days so I (nervously) called him, he wasn’t interested. I was mortified for five minutes then moved on, at least I knew. Occasionally I look back on that and think, prat (him not me😁).

I think if a guy really likes you then it doesn’t matter how nice you are, nice is good. Having said that, he might not have remembered your hint so maybe he was a bit why he shouldn’t get his own drink.

Having said that, I did a date a guy who was attracted to ‘high maintenance’ women, but who also deplored that they cost money. He would think more of a woman who didn’t say things like ‘I would have got you a drink’ and just accepted free meals and drinks as her due. But he turned out to be a prick, so it comes back to the point that men like this aren’t worth bothering about.

Now you've entered overthinking territory. None of those things would have made a difference. Try to let it go.

Why would you have any interest in a partner who plays these games? No wonder so many women end up married to arseholes. I don't want to be desirable: I want a partner who likes me for who I am, not because I pretend to be the kind of woman he likes.