To think most women on here hate men

with held sex

So her not always wanting to sleep with your supposedly wonderful boyfriend makes her as horrible as an ex that makes you crawl downstairs and physically grabs you? The rest of what you say has an undertone to it as well. Like your partner has crossed the line beyond usual arguments but since you’ve excused it as ‘well he could (apparently) change so why doesn’t every woman give shitty behaviour a chance just in case their other half is also super duper sorry…’

Its a very telling post this one.

No, I was agreeing with that poster's words!

I think that women quite often don't really see how subtle it is, this ingrained misogyny. I actually think that a lot more of it is bad behaviour than we recognise, on the whole. I know I've done it myself, we all have I am sure.

I absolutely agree. Smallest problem and everyone is shouting at OPs to leave their husbands. Not understanding that we're told the story only from a single point of view.

Eg I had a strange patch couple months post partum where I thought DH and I had a problem with something when it wasn't really a problem. But in my head it was really big at the time. Sometimes people can be stressed about work etc etc and it might skew their views of everything else.

Fair enough when there are serious reasons to leave but it's sad that people think the best decision is to leave even if said couple has only a small dispute.

It's one thing to pick up on men's failings, but the inability of so many mners to look at their own behaviour and recognise that they might not be as perfect as they are convinced to be is quite staggering.

Even when they do, the problem is never because of their behaviour but always that of the men.

The reality in life is that both men and women do their best but both can fail each other. It's very rarely as black and white as mners like to pretend.

Like I’ve said, he might be an abusive bastard, maybe op will reveal something that makes me change my mind on that situation, maybe this is the start of the shit for the woman and he will get worse. But maybe it’s just an argument that’s gone a bit wonky and he’s a genuinely decent guy.

Yes, completely agree. If he’s a decent guy they’ll sort this out, move on and live happily ever after.
If he’s not though, and women have to temper their views, the op may never have the chance to realise that he’s a wanker, she’ll just think that this is how men behave and that’s ok, that’s her lot in life. We share our crappy experiences not to drag us down but to hopefully uplift others, help them to see that their inner feelings, that they might only be able to admit to online strangers, are real, and that it’s ok to question whether this man you married is really the right person to spend the rest of your days with.

This is why MN is great. Real women with real life experience going in with the nitty gritty and not pussy footing around placating mediocre men who spend their whole lives being pandered to and having their crap behaviour defended and dismissed, like the rest of the world seems to do!

The man in that thread

*Shouted unnecessarily at this pregnant wife

*Carried on when asked to stop

*Carried on further in a ‘calm - I’m telling you to be utterly humbled/embarrassed by your behaviour - manner

*Started emotionally blackmailing the op because she dared look for space

*Became instantly emotionally cold/threw divorce out since she hadn’t obviously fully taken on board how awful she should feel after he told her, and then had the tenacity to want space

*Will not discuss what happened, just wants the op to accept how wrong she was from his point

*Is now sulking

The whole opening post is a parade of red flags and quite unbelievable to think this is a good guy having a bad day…

The OP mentions that her husband has a propensity for losing his temper over everything. In the first three lines! This is not a one off argument I suspect. Not even read the rest of it.

How is it speculation when OP outright says that he is bad tempered? Even if it was speculation, isn't that also exactly what you're doing too? Why is it ok for you to speculate but no one else?

If you’re used to women grinning and bearing it, then it can be a bit shocking when you first see them saying nah, we don’t have to put up with this.

I don't hate men. Just the misogynistic, abusive, selfish ones. Which counts for a helllll of a lot of them.

On a serious note I think it's a good thing that we challenge people to consider whether or not a relationship is actually good because all too often women are brought up to accommodate the menfolk at the expense of their own lives.

The older I get, the more I see it, and I want to help people who are in an abusive or simply sub standard relationship to see that and do something about that. Perhaps because I've been there and at the time had noone to help me.

So, I think it's a good thing. 👍

I mean, I don’t hate men at all.

But I quite often feel like my life would be 4000x easier if they all just disappeared…

I agree! I like men.most of my friends are men. I rarely see any of the misogyny that Mumsnet sees

Yeah, they do

The fact that a lot of people say LTB does not automatically lead to the conclusion that MNers hate men. That is terribly poor reasoning.

This is a site that above all supports women. So it is perfectly logical that our here tendency is to defend women. Do you not get that??

You are entitled to think whatever you want. So are all the other MNers.
But you are barking up the wrong tree trying to make out that MOST MNers are anti- men. That is simply not true.

There are approximately 3 million users here. And many are tired of hearing people run to defend poor pitiful victimized men. Again, women come here for support. So you're obviously not going to hear a lot about defending men here. There are other sites for that.

There are a lot of very experienced women on here.

Many years ago I posted about something inane my husband did, and I got questioned and told things that I thought were harsh.

Turns out that I was in an abusive relationship and just couldn't see it. I can now I'm out of it, but MN was my turning point.

Sometimes you can't see things for what they really are, and I love MN for that. It's not a site that panders to men and their egos.

For every person getting harsh words about their husband not sticking the bins out, there's another person that is realising their partner is actually abusive and that's so important.

OP in the one single example you've provided to 'prove' we all hate men, even though you're not meant to post threads about threads:

• it's clearly not a misunderstanding in a normal loving relationship, she says upfront he's bad tempered
• he was horrible, showing intimidating and gaslighting behaviour that is so often linked to abuse
• lots and lots of posters didn't say LTB.

This thread is just... a waste of time really, we're arguing about something that didn't happen the way you say it did.

But of course it’s not unbiased! This is a woman centred forum. Many of us have faced shit from the men in our lives, shit that happens again and again and again to thousands if not millions of women. Why would we spot patterns and advise an OP that maybe her poor lamb of a husband is just having a bad day, give him a BJ hun and it’ll all be ok in the morning, hugs xxx

I love your ambivalence. The danger they perceive is that they will be irrelevant, and they will have to do some fucking work on themselves to get the sex they think they're owed. It truly enrages some of them.

Contrast that with women, who are basically told constantly to work on themselves, and tell each other how to do it, from toddlerhood.

That’s such an odd example. The husband is an arse. He has a ‘temper’. The temper came when she was pregnant and he’s manipulating her and causing undue distress. And we do know, that abuse starts when women are pregnant. How did you read that and think it’s unjustified that others have called him an arse?

It’s not the ‘he didn’t do the hoovering today - LTB’ example you seemed to be suggesting.

I think this is the one place on the internet where women don’t go out of their way to excuse men’s shit behaviour and that’s what you find jarring and difficult. Girls are taught from such a young age that men abusing them is fine (“aww, that means he likes you”) and to put up with it. It’s great a place exists where women can call abusive behaviour for what it is and women posters feel like they are listened to, believe and given some straight talking.