My son called me a cunt

If I had told my parents to fuck off I wouldn’t have got treats whether it was GCSE season or not

Parents are ridiculously soft on here and I’m amazed they can’t see a link between this and the worst generation of teens we have ever had

Yes it’s very likely her son was born when she was 64

Well it's hardly ideal but he's a teen who obviously has huge problems. Not much we can say without the backstory - but I have no idea why people think the answer to this is a good slap or humiliating him by yelling at him in front other people from school. No wonder so many kids grow up with emotional problems or think violence is acceptable.

He needs help, but 14 is a very difficult age IMO. I would forget the words - they're just words. Punishing him is unlikely to help unless you have clear, consistent boundaries and consequences in place and it doesn't sound like that is the case. 14 is about the worst age you could start trying to implement those IMO. it's too late and you need to be moving on to other things by then - talking to him like an adult, trying to get some empathy and understanding into him and giving him more responsibilities (not as a punishment but because he is growing up).

You are not very good with maths, are you.

@Welovecrumpets And yet I have a good humoured, normally polite, kind and philosophical son.

You do you. I'll do me 🙂

He’s not if he tells you to fuck off.

I'd keep talking to him, he's only 14, let him know you're on his side, and try and keep communicating... Hard to be a 14 year old boy especially maybe with issues ... Language is awful but maybe it's like a I'll be so horrible you'll give up on me too scenario , so id keep trying to talk with him.
..

@Welovecrumpets If he calls me a name the night before his German GCSE when he's stressed and then apologises the next day - I think I can cope.

Will his future girlfriend cope with being called a cunt because he’s stressed at work?

What 'things' are you talking about?

What are the consequences for his behaviour?

Sorry - it would be unacceptable to me.🤷‍♀️

I am sorry, but everything in this sounds so wrong. I’m speechless. You stop making him snacks, and it’s fine that he calls you names because he is stressed. Good luck to his future partner.

Do you not hear yourself!? It’s fine to be abusive as long as he apologises the day after.

There is a bit more information on the OP's other thread

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5068505-sad

And it’s always teen sons isn’t it; or the majority of the time. Tbh I think they’re under disciplined because their parents are scared of them in a way they’re not with daughters. They make out it’s all fine and needs laughing off and a soft approach because they’re too nervous to deal with it head on.

No wonder there are so many shit abusive husbands when their mothers allowed them to tell them to fuck off or call them cunts when they were kids.

Jesus wept.. this thread is depressing

So OP - both your partner and your teenage son have called you a cunt.

Not good.

I'm not a prude and we use the word sometimes in our house, but only when describing things (and occasionally, the government) but we do not insult one another by swearing. Definitely not.

Yep. Everyone on here calling for zero tolerance of abusive men yet practically enabling their sons to become just that. Depressing

It must be fine also for their dh’s to call them names, as long as they get an apology.. or when are boys meant to stop behaving like this, does it happen automatically when they turn into men?

Depressing when parents opt out of parenting.

Well this is it - nothing magic happens the moment they turn 18 they just go from ‘misunderstood, emotional boys’ to ‘abusive men’. They need forewarning about what to expect if they try this behaviour as grown men and this doesn’t mean a coffee and a cosy chat.

You sound like the answer is physical violence or at least the credible threat of it, when it's highly likely that precisely why this child is emotionally damaged. Perpetuating more negative, aggressive behaviour is counterintuitive surely

Exactly. Or stop making snacks as a silent protest. It’s like all the women who starts by saying ’He is kind, funny and an AMAZING dad, but sometimes…’ ’I’ll stop making his dinner and doing his washing, that should teach him.’

Soap and water works wonders.

So he’s learnt from his dad that it’s acceptable to call you names.

Its confusing who lives with who.
Are you staying at your ex’s place?

You say your son has seen a lot and that sounds like he’s traumatised.

Please update the thread and explain the situation more so we can try and help you.

My ds called his dsis this (not in my presence) and after I had told him that there was an immediate consequence of no devices for a couple of days, when he had calmed down...may have been the day after... I was sitting down with him and said how disappointed I was that he speaks to his dsis that way and in doing that he is teaching her that it is to be expected that men will speak to her in that way and how would he like it if I had a boyfriend and he heard this boyfriend calling me names or speaking to me in that way, would he think that was ok? I will have to wait and see if this sinks into his brain.