My son called me a cunt

Oh FGS if I had called my parents a cunt they would’ve slapped me into next week. I didn’t dare because I knew this would be their reaction rather than some waffle about communicating.

The appalling behaviour parents tolerate from their teens shocks me on a daily basis on here.

No it’s actually a ‘thing’ - children witnessing abuse can have their early development damaged. This is why there are so many fucked up adults walking about.

And this. He can make his own food and wash his own clothes. How dare he. This is where abusive, misogynistic men start out. Getting away with calling their mum a cunt.

First question I'll ask, might get me some flack, but..

Were you being a cunt at the time?
Cause if you were, that might be why he called you one.

Unfortunately, anything could be seen as cuntish behavior by a teen boy.
Taking his phone away, saying no, turning off his Xbox, unplugging the WiFi etc etc.

So what instigated him calling you a cunt?
Ornis it the word itself you want people to respond in horror too?

If he'd called you a moist dildo? Would this thread still have been made?
How about if he'd called you a fart weasel?
Wankbadger?
Sausage?

You don't think the "seen too much of life" at 14 might need more digging before op basically washes her hands of him?

This
I would have been literally battered

Sorry OP, it's a tough shift. I've been on both ends of this, perpetrator and then recipient. Something I've realised is the abject fear teenagers feel, especially if they have experience of trauma and what they really truly want and need is small actions of reassurance that they are still loved and safe. If you drive, get them out for a run and ask them to pick the music, let them choose dinner, spend time under a blanket watching a movie, get popcorn, let them choose film, tell them you're switching your phone off because you value this time with them. Make no demands for a while, tell them you LIKE them. These small things are what matters when they need closeness but don't know how to ask for it and are terrified to grow up.

Not battered but i would have got that mum slap up the back of my head it didnt hurt but i knew id done wrong and i didnt like it but i would have deserved it.
Im my mums words you looking for a thick ear dear.

OP let him cool down - do you have points in your relationship when you can talk? That's the time to address the unacceptable behaviour and language.

My eldest was a very reactive child and I had to pick my time - in the middle of a melt down was not the time to argue - when the storm passed we could talk.

Research some trauma informed parenting support and approaches - depending on what he has seen you need to understand the impact that has had on behaviour - outbursts are usually and expression of emotion and feeling they can't word - there is support out there

Beating/smacking a child effected by ACE's is not productive and will not help

Are you saying you feel he is getting out of your control OP? That you can’t enforce boundaries? Are you getting scared of him?

There is a lot of neural reworking going on in teens brains, and often kids who seem to have coped with childhood trauma, it all resurfaces in teen years. I’m very worried for what my son will be like as a teenager because of this. I am already starting to see it in his tweenager years.

This.

Tackle it head on and you should see a result. Set the boundaries firmly for teens. They need them setting firmly.

I’m sorry but there is so much context missing here.
What were the circumstances in which he called you that? Do you have people around you who use that word (some don’t think it’s a big deal and use it jokingly)? What is your relationship usually like?
What has he seen?
This incident could lie anywhere on a spectrum from daft teen doesn’t realise how offended some people find that word, to his behaviour is out of control and he needs serious support.

What has he seen, from what age and how has it affected him?

What was the context of this particular comment?

There isn’t enough in the OP to understand what was going on to make a judgement.

Just to say, I spoke to a woman who offers her teen boy a hand or foot massage once a week. She says it’s transformed her relationship with him, because it’s provided that space for him to open up to her, when he wishes, about his thoughts and feelings.

Talk , touch and time.
Hug him, talk to him and spend time with him. Even when he’s being a wee shit, hug him! He’s only 14 and if he’s seen more than he should he’s in mental pain??

There's not a lot to go on in your post to be honest so it's hard to know what to advise really.

Clickbait thread.

for some kids, this could be absolutely the best way to handle it. For others, say an adopted son with attachment disorders due to early life trauma, it could be absolutely catastrophic.

It all depends on the context of the individual. There is no one size fits all.

What is the point of starting a thread with no information and then not coming back to clarify anything 🙄

Totally agree with this. He needs support to process the impact of what he's experienced/seen. Can you access some support for yourself to navigate this?

I have a simple rule for this.

DS knows if he calls me names, tells me to f off etc, I don't make puddings or cakes, and if he runs out of snacks - tough.

It works very well. If he treats me with contempt, he eats a healthier but less indulgent diet. He's not daft and so does it very seldom. 😀

I do make an exception for GCSE season though. I'm not that mean.

https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/teenagers/behaviour/teen-violence-at-home

This organisation has brilliant support. I k ow you haven't mentioned physical violence but this acting out behaviour is similar.

A rough few years because of this? My 17 year old and 15 year old have never used that word so I would be upset if one of them called me a cunt.
But it's impossible to advise with no context

What did the OP do to warrant that kind of reaction, though?

Is 78 your age OP as this is a very old person thread