My son called me a cunt

I once called my mother an f-ing bitch. What that really was was an expression of how much hurt I was carrying. I had been through a lot. Probably your son might benefit from some professional support where he can express everything he's carrying inside him. That said, it's not an acceptable way to express himself.

If he has seen too much OP he needs counselling. Calling your mother a cunt at 14 shows he is way past any boundaries and probably needs professional help. Children witnessing any form of abuse especially in early years can really damage their emotional development, sense of who they are and how safe they feel - leading them to be angry, unhappy adults.

Focus on who you want this young boy to be as an adult and what you need to do to get him there.

Shouting at him is not going to solve this one OP, the damage has already been done

Teenagers lash out how they can to get a reaction

It worked. He got one.

Today calmly speak to him
Say you were very hurt that he would be like that with you. And if it happens there will no internet or phone.

What a shocking and mysoginistic thing to say.

You are minimising this.
It is completely unacceptable.
Sorry op it must be very upsetting.

I'd refuse to do anything nice for him until he apologises.

Is he in some kind of therapy, if there has been trauma in his life? If not is this something you might be able to access?

If there's been a lot going on then it feels like the word used is irrelevant and the focus should be on helping him deal with the trauma

Agreed, way more, but the way the OP @Rachel7878 writes, I doubt we are going to get it; instead we’ll get a lot of focus on the word, a lot of kneejerk stuff

I hope you're ok, OP. It's a shocking thing to hear, but what sort of experience has he been through? Are there other things going on in his life?

More context needed.

That’s a very nasty term of abuse, especially from a child to a parent. And I have had a few, as a parent of a ND child.

In your shoes, I would go on strike and completely stop cooking food for him, laundry or driving him around, Let him no one calls me that without consequences. I’d let him know the ball is in his court now to make amends.

I hope you are OK.

Aww, I'm sorry OP, that's horrible

My 14 year old daughter lashes out when annoyed, and although she'd never call me that, she does threaten to go and live with her father every other day.

They can be arseholes and parenting them definitely requires a daily dose of forgiveness, patience and understanding!

who has seen too much in his life

Can you give more context, OP? Has he been through any trauma? Not that it’s an excuse to be called a cunt. But what’s recently happened that’s led to this?

Is there any help available via his school? Alternatively your local authority might be able to provide support through its early help team. Does he behave at school?

Chill out. He is looking for a big reaction. 14yr olds rarely mean the insults they shout at us. Keep the lines of communication open.