My son called me a cunt

There's not a lot to go on in your post to be honest so it's hard to know what to advise really.

Talk , touch and time.
Hug him, talk to him and spend time with him. Even when he’s being a wee shit, hug him! He’s only 14 and if he’s seen more than he should he’s in mental pain??

Just to say, I spoke to a woman who offers her teen boy a hand or foot massage once a week. She says it’s transformed her relationship with him, because it’s provided that space for him to open up to her, when he wishes, about his thoughts and feelings.

What has he seen, from what age and how has it affected him?

What was the context of this particular comment?

There isn’t enough in the OP to understand what was going on to make a judgement.

I’m sorry but there is so much context missing here.
What were the circumstances in which he called you that? Do you have people around you who use that word (some don’t think it’s a big deal and use it jokingly)? What is your relationship usually like?
What has he seen?
This incident could lie anywhere on a spectrum from daft teen doesn’t realise how offended some people find that word, to his behaviour is out of control and he needs serious support.

This.

Tackle it head on and you should see a result. Set the boundaries firmly for teens. They need them setting firmly.

Are you saying you feel he is getting out of your control OP? That you can’t enforce boundaries? Are you getting scared of him?

There is a lot of neural reworking going on in teens brains, and often kids who seem to have coped with childhood trauma, it all resurfaces in teen years. I’m very worried for what my son will be like as a teenager because of this. I am already starting to see it in his tweenager years.

OP let him cool down - do you have points in your relationship when you can talk? That's the time to address the unacceptable behaviour and language.

My eldest was a very reactive child and I had to pick my time - in the middle of a melt down was not the time to argue - when the storm passed we could talk.

Research some trauma informed parenting support and approaches - depending on what he has seen you need to understand the impact that has had on behaviour - outbursts are usually and expression of emotion and feeling they can't word - there is support out there

Beating/smacking a child effected by ACE's is not productive and will not help

Not battered but i would have got that mum slap up the back of my head it didnt hurt but i knew id done wrong and i didnt like it but i would have deserved it.
Im my mums words you looking for a thick ear dear.

Sorry OP, it's a tough shift. I've been on both ends of this, perpetrator and then recipient. Something I've realised is the abject fear teenagers feel, especially if they have experience of trauma and what they really truly want and need is small actions of reassurance that they are still loved and safe. If you drive, get them out for a run and ask them to pick the music, let them choose dinner, spend time under a blanket watching a movie, get popcorn, let them choose film, tell them you're switching your phone off because you value this time with them. Make no demands for a while, tell them you LIKE them. These small things are what matters when they need closeness but don't know how to ask for it and are terrified to grow up.

This
I would have been literally battered

You don't think the "seen too much of life" at 14 might need more digging before op basically washes her hands of him?

First question I'll ask, might get me some flack, but..

Were you being a cunt at the time?
Cause if you were, that might be why he called you one.

Unfortunately, anything could be seen as cuntish behavior by a teen boy.
Taking his phone away, saying no, turning off his Xbox, unplugging the WiFi etc etc.

So what instigated him calling you a cunt?
Ornis it the word itself you want people to respond in horror too?

If he'd called you a moist dildo? Would this thread still have been made?
How about if he'd called you a fart weasel?
Wankbadger?
Sausage?

And this. He can make his own food and wash his own clothes. How dare he. This is where abusive, misogynistic men start out. Getting away with calling their mum a cunt.

No it’s actually a ‘thing’ - children witnessing abuse can have their early development damaged. This is why there are so many fucked up adults walking about.

Oh FGS if I had called my parents a cunt they would’ve slapped me into next week. I didn’t dare because I knew this would be their reaction rather than some waffle about communicating.

The appalling behaviour parents tolerate from their teens shocks me on a daily basis on here.

Because OP alluded to that he ‘had seen too much’ so most likely has witnessed abuse towards her.

The school maybe able to offer counselling. People do not realise the damage caused to kids when they witness abuse.

One of mine called his sibling this on the way home from school, in the car. I pulled up and absolutely bollocked him really loudly (we were in standing traffic and most other drivers were school parents) and then put him back in the car and then made him walk the last mile home.

Hasn’t done it since.

In no way is that acceptable, ever.

Why should school sort this? School will be putting up with this and worse from him precisely because he doesn't have manners and hasn't already been reined in at home.

Don't rise to it. He's looking a reaction, don't give it

Someone will soon be along to ask or say it sounds like SEN.

ive got two boys with autism. You can have SEN and be a fucking wanker and calling your mother a cunt is not SEN it’s being a dick!

without knowing what the “seen too much” involves it’s impossible to advise. If it were one of mine I’d be coming down bloody hard on this. I’d be taking everything out of his room apart from bedding and school uniform. I’d be showing exactly what a cunt I can be. But that might not be appropriate, counselling sounds to be definitely in order but he also needs to be made to understand that this language is beyond unacceptable.

What has he seen?

Murder? violence? Eurovision? abuse?

Without some context no-one can answer.

Someone will soon be along to ask or say it sounds like SEN.
Or get counselling for him or its just the teen years.
What people seem to forget is some kids are just twats get a grip on it now before it gets worse.
And know one should talk to their mum like that.
But you need to let him know.
What if he said it to someone outside to the wrong one thinking hes big and cool he would likely have got a thick ear not everyone will walk away and take his crap.
And piss right of with boundaries that word makes me sick put him in his place once and for all.
Call me a cu#t and ill act like one.
You want to act like a big man ill treat you like one.
Your father dont call me that neither will you.
Hes your son not your friend so make that known right from the off.
Ive noticed some parents are toughing up now because gentle parenting is tuning their kids and teens into entitled selfish wannabes.
And as soon as they hear the word SEN they play on in and a lot of parents are seeing this now.

What an over reaction.

And…?

Christ you’re in for a rough few years if this is enough to make you reach out and post on MN