To ask if you had a horrible three year old … did it get better?

All three of mine went through a very difficult phase at the age of 3. I found it a much harder age than 2 every time. They are all lovely now, they have their moments of course but the 3 year old horror is long gone 😆🙈

DS was a fucking nightmare at 3. Angry, sassy, occasionally violent, generally didn't give a fuck, along with being a bolter and quite destructive... He was also incredibly clingy to me and wouldn't let anybody else near him. He's now nearly 6 and has calmed down a lot, but still has his moments. School helped a lot! Still clingy to me but getting much better.

In comparison, DD was an angel at 3. No tantrums, walked along nicely, held hands, looked after her things, was generally calm and sensible, not clingy at all. She continued being an angel until she got to about 7, then the attitude started. 10 now and, well, she's 10!

I tried not to be smug about how well behaved DD was at 3, and yet it came along to bite me in the arse with DS. I still don't know where he came from.

I remember so vividly how awful my ds was at 2/3 that I remember posting a thread on here about it. That was 9 years ago and I've just searched for and found the post.

No advice as such but lots of sympathy and knowing it's normal and you're not alone.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/behaviour_development/2462304-My-2-year-old-is-a-fucking-monster

Nb ds is a very lovely 11 year old now. He's cheeky and hilarious and so loving. Hang on in there.

Thank you for this. I’d never heard of it. You are exactly right - DS1 fits the rebel criteria to the letter.

It’s annoying because he is popular, smart as a whip and funny. But he’s so so difficult to manage, both for us and his teachers. DS2 (easy going) would be fine with any half decent parent but I feel we need to get it spot on with DS1 to stop him turning into a career criminal or something like that 😬

…Dare I ask if/when your DC2 got easier? I’ll even take adulthood 😂

Not much better for us, I’m afraid. Three was definitely the worst of it - speech delay, epic tantrums, stubbornness, generally being as awkward as possible when asked to do anything! At 10 though tbh she is still quite difficult. A lot of this is because she is a very sensitive, complex anxious person who gets overwhelmed easily by noises, smells and demands. She is shy in social situations and comes off old for her age too, so doesn’t really fit in socially. This has this added level of stress - which makes her behaviour at home appalling. Sigh.

I guess what I am trying to say is, they may not get any nicer or easier to deal with but over time you will at least have more of an understanding of their struggles.

4+5 were the worst for me!

might my god it was like the devin at aged 4….

Oh. Sorry but it gets much worse!

my dd is now 12 and just……about ok most of the time.

One of mine had dreadful tantrums. I still shudder when I think of some of the ones in public. He improved dramatically once he turned 4/started school. He is a delightful young man now and people who did not know him as a toddler are surprised when I say how bad it was.

Yes. Every year since then he’s got better. Now lovely 10yr old

I wish it had been that quick with one of mine, he did get there eventually.

My son was such hard work, so head strong and full on. I used to trawl Mumsnet to see if anyone else was experiencing it so I didn't feel so alone. Then he blew his candles out on his 4th birthday and it was like a miracle happened. He completely calmed down and finally listened. He's 9 now and is just wonderful. Hang on in there!!

Yes. Turned a BIG corner at 7. Now 12 and with tween qualifications, a delight

2/3/early 4 was a erm, challenge

@VivaVivaa have a look at the Four Tendencies framework. Child no 2 is very like this, and I think she is a very full-on Rebel in that framework, I.e. pushes against internal and external expectations. She's 11 now, and I would say I've found her easier to get along with since I recognised that.

OP - my husband changed terrible twos to f*cking awful fours, as both of ours were such horrors at that age. Both have turned out as generally civilised human beings and very cool people. Hang on in there x

There were a lot of 24hr screen bans in this house between the ages of 3-4. Her record was 2 weeks straight, as soon as she had earned TV time back she would promptly lose it again within moments. However I now look back and only remember the good bits!

Yes, every year he got a little better and now at 12 he's pretty much straight loveliness.

I had a child at aged two who I thought was the spawn of the devil himself. By 4, he was an angel and has remained so. (Teen now,)

Yup 4 is a turning point, it’ll get better OP. Firm boundaries and try to stay calm.

DS1 was horrendous at 3. Absolutely awful. 2 years 10 months to maybe 3 years 10 months was the worst year of my life. He’s been challenging since birth though tbh.

He’s 4 now. He’s still headstrong, he’s still argumentative, he still has very little natural desire to please, he still thinks boundaries are optional. It’s not easy. He’s never going to be an easy child.

But there is the odd glimmer. He can now reflect and tell me when he hasn’t behaved well, usually without prompting. He will say sorry and I think he means it. He can be helpful if he’s in the right mood. He doesn’t argue every single minute detail like he used to. He says please and thank you. He is beginning to show, at a relatively basic level, that he understands his behaviour affects others. It’s slow progress but I hope it continues 🤞🏼

Gosh my DD has had a tough 6 months, she's nearly 4 and I would say we've just turned a corner. She is generally more settled but she would fly off the handle about anything and everything, screamed all the time, you name it! We still have moments but much less than a few months ago.

Yes OP, honestly I had an awful 3 year old. He used to make me so angry at times, and I remember thinking 'is this just the person he is?'. I wrote many a mumsnet posts, all under different names as I thought my friends might spot me on here ha!
But seriously, 3 is a really hard age, my DS is nearly 4.5 now and I can say he's soooo much better, he really is. And the weird thing is someone said this exact same thing to me, and I didn't believe it because he was so difficult, argumentative, stubborn, loud, irritable and sometimes violent. He still has his moments don't get me wrong, but he's loads better now.

Mine became absolutely lovely just before his fifth birthday and so far has stayed that way for the past year. Fingers crossed for you.

Yes, 35 now and lovely!