To think you don't actually get treated better if you're slim, it's because your attitude changes?

I have mainly not noticed any difference with how people treat me but a) I am fat in a very socially acceptable way (hourglass figure etc) b) I am pretty confident. I don't get cat called any more but that's not really a disadvantage.

However, I did have the nurse at the doctor's tell me my sudden onset asthma was due to my weight. I tried explaining that I had weighed more in the past and not had this problem and that I was also fit enough that I could swim 5km in a pretty good time but I didn't get taken seriously because of my weight.

Shame you didn't enable voting

But YABU

I have been both repeatedly and the difference is like night and day.

I can also 💯 relate to @nadine90 and the poster above. Its pure shit isnt it

This is me!
I’ve actually stopped going out and didn’t celebrate my 40th birthday because I was too embarrassed to be seen by people who didn’t know is out on weight.
It’s awful and I can’t see a way out of it.
My confidence is rock bottom and I think it’s a vicious cycle; I’m less sociable so fewer social opportunities present themselves.
I can definitely see myself falling into invisible middle age (at 40!).
I used to be attractive. I’m now a tired out mass of confusion and sadness :(

I have wondered this, amongst a dozen other things. I’m early 30s but I know it’s a possibility.
You can’t pick your GP at my current or previous surgery, it seems to be all locums. Tbh that experience put me off so much, I can’t bring myself to raise it again. I know I should x

That sounds tough. Do you think it could be peri?

Also try to get a female gp - preferably one with a bit of a menopause belly and you might get a bit of proper support!

I have gone from size 8-10 to size 16-18 over the last 5 years. I was never very confident but have grown more confident with age. I was never particularly pretty, very average face, then and now. So I don’t buy into the idea of confidence/pretty privilege being the reason. Although obviously those things can also feed into how people treat each other.
I have 100% noticed a difference in how people treat me and interact with me. Struggling to get served at bars, kids friends parents unfriendly (even when I’ve hosted sleepovers and gone out of my way to treat their kids!), teachers at school always assume I don’t work, people I meet through work never remember me, people making nasty comments about (other) overweight people to me. The list goes on.
When I first started putting weight on, I felt very unwell - lethargic, aches and pains etc. I put weight on because of this, because I had no energy to exercise. Went to the doctor and his response was “of course you feel rubbish, you’ve put two stone on” 🙄 So I never went back and I still don’t know what was/is wrong or what might help.

I've got no diet or exercise discipline, just lucky genetics. Would genuinely say my figure to 37-38 was amazing. Dated a billionaire for the next part of a decade, and I'm not stupid enough to think that 90% of my appeal was anything other than my appearance. Life has been very easy for me in some respects, people treat you like you're special, I'd get flight upgrades, club/venue photographers would always hone in on me. Women were awful to me, I don't know why but they expected me to be an awful arsehole and if I had a pound for every woman who said "God, you're actually really nice" (as if I should feel appreciative they had judged me and been wrong) I would be as wealthy as my ex.

Have been a SAHM and buzzed round all day, never sitting down, until 7mths ago when I went back to work and sit down 4 days a week. I've put on over a stone. The difference in how people treat me is huge. I'm still slim, like a 10, but not "wow look at her" like I was before. And this is all my figure. My face is fine, bit above average I guess but nothing to write home about, it's all in the figure.

The world is hugely fickle. You can not like that, but alas, it's how it is.

I also found that when I was large people would assume I didn't like exercise/sport or didn't like healthy eating. But I love sport and being healthy! I competed nationally in a sport. People lack the imagination to look past a body swollen by steroids. And many other people with my condition experience the same. I am "lucky" , I am on different medication now that doesn't make me fat but instead has made me lose my hair and (temporarily). Strangely that elicits sympathy, in stark contrast to the reactions to steroid moonface

Yabu.

I have been slim nearly my whole life but became very overweight quite rapidly when on steroids
I wasn't that bothered - I knew why I was larger and they made me quite unwell so I started tapering off quite soon after and so knew there was light at the end of the tunnel. And my husband and children were very kind and supportive.

So it wasn't my perception that was different, I definitely got negative comments and reactions when out and about.

100%true.

Many people are openly hostile to obese people just walking down the street.

Or do thin people supposedly give off a 'positive vibe' that makes people not sneer/laugh at them?!!

I wasn't treated well because I was slim.i think there is fattism though.
I was mobbed at work about 7 years ago, nightmare, I think slim me was passing or failing tiny little tests, not set consciously, but in my case, when a couple of mob molls noted that I was a recovering people pleaser who bent with the wind, that was the beginning of my exclusion.

When I was young I was slim but not pretty. I did get treated badly by men. In my late 20s I somehow made myself more attractive and got treated better.
I'm overweight and middle aged now. I'm pretty invisible (which im fine with) but don't get treated badly. I don't particularly get treated badly by doctors. I'm articulate, so that might make a difference?

I feel this one so hard. It is so hard being treated worse because of your race too.

No. In general, most people who have never had weight problems assume that fat people are lazy and stupid and treat them accordingly. Have a read of some of the idiotic comments on this thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5058431-all-these-people-taking-weight-loss-appetite-suppressant-drugs?

At size 12 people showed more respect and I was listened to at work. I put on a stone and became size 14, pushing 16, and it was like I became invisible.

i didn’t think it was a thing until I experienced it.

I got treated the exact same as as size 16/18 as I do as an 8 but I defo get more attention from men as an 8 which isn't a good thing in my book.

My sister recently lost a lot of weight and she has said how shocked she is about how people treat her differently, especially in the professional setting. She is actually disgusted by how some people (men and women) actually now address her and listen to her for her expertise in an area that is very specialized. She is very good and confident in her profession, and has always been known for being highly ethical in a space where there are lots of conmen and women. But the change in attitudes to her new weight has taken her by surprise.

I don't know if this is relevant but I've always been slim/attractive. Men in particular have always been lovely to me in public.

When I was pregnant I was huge, out of breathe and my face/legs also swelled hugely at the end, so I didn't look attractive or slim.

The difference in how I was treated was marked. No one was smiling at me. No men were going out of their way to help me. Women generally treated me the same as were actually kinder as I think they could see I was often struggling and pregnant.

Men started being lovely to me again in public at about a month postpartum. It was rather depressing tbh how differently I was treated.

I really don't think this is true, I think it goes on how you present yourself, I've never been obsessed, as such but I have been on the chubby side.

I'm 5ft 11 biggest I've been is a 14

I was a very pretty girl as I was in my 20s not blowing my own trumpet. But I was tall had an amazing figure and to be honest I was always the one who got the attention. BUT I was confident!
BUT i also did get alot of hateful girls that hated me because I was confident and wasn't the standard girl.

I'm now, 36 and I'm a size 12, have aniexty and depression really don't have any confidence. Absolutely hate myself. (Not going in to detail why) I do get the odd dirty looks but never get anything nice 🤷 and I'm not fat!

This was a really upsetting post. I’m so glad your DD has a loving, non-judgemental mum Octo.

I’m so sorry Lemon, that’s horrible. I have some very dear friends who are large. They are absolutely lovely people and really struggle with their weight. It always makes me angry when I see people being rude or dismissive of them, as it is the epitome of shallow.

One was just always big, as was her mum. She has tried so many approaches. The other two were quite slim when young but both ended up in situations where they had others ( one a very poorly dc) to prioritise and just were very pushed to manage what they had to manage. A snidely acquaintance commented to me about how it was “such a shame “ she let herself go as she “was so attractive.” Said acquaintance, meanwhile, spent about 5 minutes with her ( perfectly healthy) dcs growing up, deposited them with a nanny and spent a fortune on gym and well-being ( and Botox😂!) .

Its fundamentally shallow and lacking in empathy to treat or think disparagingly because someone is overweight. I always make a real effort to be courteous and polite to larger people as I know it’s very likely they have given a lot of their focus to others. Why it makes people so angry just to look at them I honestly cannot say. I only know my friends aren’t the ones being vile.

I think that there could be some truth in what you say @bobsandvangene

I went on holiday with a yoga group in early 2019 when my BMI was about 29. I wasn't huge, I was fit and toned but I'm only 5ft tall so definitely overweight. It was a good holiday. I made friends and had a great time.

For various reasons, lockdown, illness, holidays, relocations etc I didn't see many of the group again until earlier this year when we had a second holiday. During this time I had embarked on a healthier eating regime to reduce my BP. I didn't count calories or obsess about food. I just ate lots of fruit and veg with small amounts of protein at every meal, cut back on carbs and avoided ultra processed foods. This reduced my BP very quiclkly and also had the secondary effect of reducing my weight by about 16kg giving a BMI of about 22. Much healthier and I looked way better.

People who knew me 5 years ago all commented on how well I looked (which is always nice to hear) but a much more important conversation came later. Talking to a couple of group members they both commented on how much more confident and outgoing I was compared to our last holiday. And I realised it was true. Before I had been so ashamed and self conscious about my size that I had been very quiet, perhaps almost to the point of seeming aloof or unfriendly.

This year I felt confident and attractive and entitled to be there and was much more chatty and open to other people. I felt not just equal to the others but as if I had something to offer. Which is of course ridiculous. I'm the same person as I was before. Losing weight and looking better hasn't made me cleverer or wiser or kinder. It's a shame that I let being overweight affect me so much.

That being said I am going to continue with the healthy eating. If something so small can change not just my physical health (my BP is excellent now) but also improve my mindset I'd be crazy to let the weight pile on again.

@kelsaycobbles It isn't okay to be rude to people, because it's 'factual'. Thumper's Dad's advice is useful in those situations. "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."

I don't think it's all about being slim. It's more about pretty privilege.