AIBU to not want to hang out with MIL?

Why don’t you frame it with a suggestion that she sees you at a different time when DD isn’t having a post swimming nap? I know she is only tiny now, but you might appreciate even an hour by yourself to get jobs done/pop to the shop whilst MIL is with her?

Could she come
An hour before the lesson?

I understand you here-sitting entertaining her whilst your child sleeps wouldn’t be my idea of fun. I would get out of this habit by suggesting something else.

I really do wonder about some
of these posts on MN, your MIL wishes to spend a few hours a week with you, having a cuppa and that's an issue?
Is it a thing to keep family at arms length?

I think you should say

”DD always sleeps after swimming, and to be honest I need that time to get things done/have a nap myself. Would you like to come over on E.g. Tuesday morning before I do (xyz thing she can’t also do) and you will get a chance to play with her?

If it’s specifically the swimming she likes your DH can do that with them both at the weekend.

Or yes, she could just come over before the lesson.

If you don’t want your MIL around why not just tell her? At least let her know where she stands so she can bow out gracefully.

Jeez! If a MIL doesn’t show enough interest there’s a scathing MN post. If a MIL shows any interest there’s a scathing MIL post.

Is there ever a time a MIL gets it right on MN?

Communication is the key. If anyone doesn’t agree with another persons actions…. Communicate. The end!

Yanbu. This is a situation where I think lying is fine. Tell her you've planned to meet a friend for coffee straight after so that you can take advantage of having a time when you know the baby will be asleep for example. Keep making excuses until the habit is broken.

Could you pop round hers when you know the baby is going to be awake instead? Its easier to leave someones house than get them to leave yours. Or book another baby class that she can take the baby to herself or participate with you?

he said she's lonely and doesn't have anything else to do.

Does he take your baby round there regularly when he’s off work?

Get your DH to tell her that the swimming is something you want to do on your own and you can meet up at other times when he’s free.

Why not give her an afternoon with DD each week and then you go off and do something else.

That way she spends time DD but you don't have to hang out with her.

Every day since I joined MN I thank God I have lovely DILs who never growl at my parenting skills when they have chosen to leave their DC with me and are always welcoming when I visit them.

OP your MiL is taking an interest in her GCs life. Is that so terrible that you have to make a public post about it? If you’re not happy for her to attend your DCs swimming class just let her know your reason why. I’m guessing youre too embarrassed to let her know your reason because it’s, frankly, pathetic - and you know it 🙄

it doesn’t have to be a stress! Just call her and say it’s lovely to see her, but a shame to come when you know DD will be asleep, so offer her coffee at yours before swimming, or invite her to come over on a different morning when you don’t already have other plans. It might eventually work out nicely if she plays with the baby or takes her out for a walk whilst you get stuff done?

I think something like should work too - it would be so frustrating to be entertaining just at the time my baby (when I had own) was having a really good nap!

Ooh no nip that in the bud immediately.

Text her in the next couple of days and say no!

Could you suggest a different day when DD is awake? I can see why evenings aren’t ideal for seeing her grandchild, maybe she could come on a weekday you don’t have much on and give you a couple of hours to get on with stuff while she entertains DD?

That thread about a son is a son only till he gets a wife seems to be right!!!

This. I’d have loved a nice MIL who showed interest. Instead I got one who has never even met her teenage grandchild!

Is there a reason why you haven’t told your MIL her presence during your PFB’s swimming lessons isn’t appreciated?

Who’d choose to be a MIL of DILs who can’t communicate effectively eh?

Ah I do totally get this - I hate feeling too tied down week in, week out.

But, just to say:
A) what a lovely thing you've done inviting her after seeing she was upset missing the first time
B) it's so lovely that she's enjoyed her time so much that she wants to do it often. Your DD was asleep most of the time, so she obviously enjoyed spending time with you.

You sound lovely, she sounds lovely, but I also totally understand that doing it week in week out becomes less of something to enjoy, and more of a chore to us mums who are still chocker with our kids round our ankles.

Something I've been giving thought to lately though - I can't imagine how hard it must be to be older, kids all flown the nest. To be mum 24/7 for so long, to suddenly feel a bit defunct and lonely. I've seen it with my mum lately - I find it so sad and dread it, so I think what you done was kind. Maybe go for coffee after swimming and lunch, then it's easier to naturally part ways in a shorter time perhaps?

I think you could potentially move her to a different time without causing offence. If you explain that it's understandable she wants to see her grandchild but she doesn't really get to do that after swimming because your baby is asleep, and you need to use that time to get things done. If she came at a different time she could enjoy time with her awake grandchild. And you could have extra time to get stuff done because she's helping by looking after the baby.

This wouldn’t be a MIL thing for me - it would be the fact that I could have a sweet hour to myself and she - or anybody - is intruding on it. Fuck that. Just be honest - say you need a rest when the baby sleeps so another time would be better. Perhaps you could have a walk to park instead some other day.