AIBU to not want to hang out with MIL?

28 replies

MamadeM · 10/04/2024 22:34

I have a 5 months old DD and we go to swimming lessons every Thursday. After the 1st lesson my MIL said she would have liked to come to see how DD got on. I politely invited her to the next lesson which she came to and then told her to come back to ours for a coffee, as she hadn't had any time with DD during the swimming session. She stayed 2 hours.
DD slept pretty much the whole time MIL was at home as she is normally exhausted after swimming. As MIL was about to leave she said she'd like to come the week after again. I didn't know how to say no 😭
So now she wants to come every week. DH is at work so I'm the one who has to entertain her, while DD is asleep.

AIBU to not want to hang out with her every week? I have told DH that I understand if she wants to see DD more as she is the first grandchild, but it should be when he is around, so evenings or weekends, but he said she's lonely and doesn't have anything else to do.

OP posts:

GrumpyPanda · 11/04/2024 00:13

ilovepixie · 10/04/2024 23:39

That thread about a son is a son only till he gets a wife seems to be right!!!

???
You must have been reading a different thread to me. OP is explicitly complaining her DH isn't spending enough time with MIL! What bothers her is being expected to deputise for him because he cba.

phoenixrosehere · 11/04/2024 00:37

GrumpyPanda · 11/04/2024 00:13

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Agree.

There is no legitimate reason that the DH can’t spend time with his mum, yet OP is expected to do so and is seemingly a bad person not to want to facilitate it on her own with baby every week. Her DH knows his mother is supposedly lonely yet he is choosing not to spend time with her or take their child to visit her. OP and their baby should not be seen as one of his mother’s only sources of entertainment and companionship.

My own dad went and saw his mum several times a week sometimes twice in the same day as did his other siblings, some living less than 30 minutes away in their own homes when I was growing up. He and mum worked full time and he never had her visiting his mother for him or to take us to see her. My dad had been taking me on his own from when I was a baby.

This wouldn’t be a MIL thing for me - it would be the fact that I could have a sweet hour to myself and she - or anybody - is intruding on it.

Same. I wouldn’t want the commitment of seeing her or anyone every week, baby or not if I didn’t really want to.

WeightoftheWorld · 11/04/2024 10:40

Merrymouse · 10/04/2024 22:46

I think you should say

”DD always sleeps after swimming, and to be honest I need that time to get things done/have a nap myself. Would you like to come over on E.g. Tuesday morning before I do (xyz thing she can’t also do) and you will get a chance to play with her?

If it’s specifically the swimming she likes your DH can do that with them both at the weekend.

I'd take this route and I'd do the same if it was my own DM. When my babies were 5 months, if my own DM came round in this situation and baby was asleep, I might sit and have a quick brew and chat with her. After that I'd be doing housework - which she'd either help me with, stay and watch telly by herself, or go home herself. Or if I was exhausted I'd just say to her, right I'm going home for a nap, see you soon, and she'd say ok love, see you soon.

I think you just need to be straight with her. And then put a lot of pressure on DH to step up cos as you've recognised it's mostly his responsibility to facilitate a relationship between your baby and his DM. Having said that, if he's at work all week and MIL is off in the week when you are, then I can see how you seeing her sometimes in the week would be nice for her and DD (and for you too if she's a help/company).

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