A son is a son until he finds a wife, a daughter is a daughter for life

Said by those weird mums that indulge and enable their sons then act all jelous toward their new girlfriend, always trying to prove they are the most important woman in their lives and can’t let go.

Yes this.

@Tracey66 , it’s sad that’s how you perceive that. I didn’t have daughters and while I don’t have a motherly relationship with my DIL ‘s they are a wonderful addition to my family. ☺️

What a load of old crap

Same. I think sons feel less need/guilt etc to move on and have their own lives. If you look at the majority of adult children who care for parents, it is usually the daughter that is the carer. There will obviously be exceptions to the rule but go to a hospital and look at waiting rooms.. it's mainly females waiting for an elderly parents
I do my mum's shopping online and when asked.if brothers could help sometimes.i was told it wasn't feasible as they live away..it's online..but any appts I also deal with as they live away.
I therefore sadly think it does still apply when caring is involved. Sons are more able to lead very separate lives.

I have 2 DSs and 1 DD
i am close to all of them but the bond with my daughter is different- no closer or better just different!
we go shopping and out for lunch and go to concerts etc. I dint do that with my grown sons. She has her own home and lives with her partner but there’s definitely a different relationship dynamic

im equally close to my paternal grandmother- I’m the spitting image of her as well, look identical to when she was the same age as me it’s scary.

There was another thread about his last month.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5030076-what-is-your-take-on-the-old-adage-a-son-is-a-son-until-he-takes-a-wife-a-daughter-is-daughter-all-of-her-life

This. Sorry @Eminemmilkshake but I'm afraid I agree with the old saying 'a son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter for all of her life...'

Purely going on the experience of people I know...... Daughters naturally gravitate towards their own mother much more than the MIL, and many don't get on massively well with the MIL. At best they tolerate them. Mainly because many mums of sons don't think any woman is good enough for her son (and they often show it.) I have known very few women who have an amazing relationship with their mother-in-law. Yeah they exist, but it's rare...

Eventually the husband (the MIL's son obviously,) moves away more and more from his parents lives, and he and the kids are in the maternal parents lives, a lot more than the paternal ones. Still in their lives of course, but not as much, and the maternal grandmother will ALWAYS trump the paternal one. Makes me glad I have 2 daughters really. (Who I am very close to.)

Of course there are exceptions, but they are few and far between. This saying whilst 'old' does have more than a few grains of truth. That's why some posters are getting defensive and angry on here. It's hitting a raw nerve.

YABU.

People believe what they see around them and plenty seem to think there's some truth in this saying. In my case, I don't see any truth in it at all. My brothers (both married) are very close to my parents and see them more than I do. My DH is equally close to his mum - takes her away for weekends, just the two of them, calls her several times a week. He's staying with her now actually. My male friends make an effort to keep in touch with their mums and visit frequently. My male neighbour moved in with his mum when she was old and frail to become her full time carer. He has two sisters who live nearby but don't bother with the mum.
How many posts are there on Mumsnet of women complaining that their DHs want their mums to come round or be involved with the grandchildren? There are loads of posts about this with DILs wanting more distance. To me, this doesn't paint a picture of men who forget about their parents once they're married.
Conversely, I have several female friends who don't get on with their mums at all. One friend hasn't seen her mum for years, one friend currently isn't talking to her mum.
You may say these are all isolated cases but to me they're not. It's simply that nearly every man I know is a good son and close to their parents.

Pretty true in my experience and as the wife I am thankful it is!

Arghhhhhh! But do you think your one isolated example negates the social trends of centuries?!

To clarify, it isn’t a good state of affairs if men detach from their family as soon as they marry, but it has definitely been a trend through time due to the different gendered roles dictated by society.

Agree entirely with this

Of course it's rubbish. I loathed my mother.... I was much closer to my in laws.

As a mother of sons I can’t say it’s something I’ve got offended by or given much thought to. It can be true that if the son marries and his wife is very close to her mother then that mother can become the main grandparent, as in the daughter will visit her mum with baby more than she’ll visit mil.

I have a very good relationship with my sons so I don’t envisage being left out in the cold by either of them when (if) they marry/have kids.

My DM has moved near me for support as she ages. She was originally geographically closer to my brother but explained that "of course" he won't help as she gets older.

I have a good relationship with my MIL but spotted over the years that she looks on with envy at her sister and nieces and wishes she had a daughter.

I think it's partly to do with reliance on someone the same sex as we age. A kind of vulnerability that increases with age.

Tell that to the people going "oooh well there's truth to that" as though they actively like the idea of it.

I think you’re reading that into it. Generally women don’t like sexist bullshit because it’s stacked against them!

People are saying ‘yes, I recognise the truth of this because women were trained to bear the domestic load.”

Describing what you see isn’t condoning it. If a woman describes the fact that women do the lion’s share of domestic labour (or quotes some old toxic saying about that situation), she’s just telling it like it is. No point pretending.

Nothing like dowries really.

As the only daughter and scapegoat, it always felt like a threat when my mother said it.

My sisters and many friends have lovely ILs and are very close. But those mils are warm fun and good company! I frequently have mil envy. My own is the exact opposite of that description

Nothing childlike about using your family for emotional and practical support it doesn't mean asking for permission or bowing down.
It's actually very mature to accept your not an island and others can offer valuable support unlike the teenage "what do you know your old"

surely the level of MIL hatred, and favouring of DMs over MILs, tells you something?

Ah yes your right, whereas most men prefer their MiL over their own mother, don’t they?!
It’s said by women who didn’t raise their sons to care for other people, to think about cards and gifts on special occasions, or to think it’s their responsibility to organise seeing their own family etc.

I think it is more often true when I look at the relationships in my family, but there are exceptions.

Tell that to the people going "oooh well there's truth to that" as though they actively like the idea of it.

If it's not the norm for people today then it's archaic, increasingly irrelevant and completely pointless as a "saying". You may as well be talking about dowries as a cultural norm.

We see my parents and DH's parents a fairly equal amount.
I'm more likely to go on a day trip or weekend away with my mum because she's on her own and because we are 2 women, whereas DH wouldn't want to do that with his mum, but that's not because my mum is 'favoured' in any way.
My BIL is very close to his mum - closer than my SIL is to her mum - and they do a lot with her as a family.