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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick of pretending to wear heels

415 replies

EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 08:16

I am in my mid 40s and I never learned how to wear high heels. When I was young it was the 1990s/early 2000s and we all wore doc martens or trainers with pretty dresses. I work in an industry wear high heels are inappropriate. I own a couple of pairs of carefully chosen "comfortable" heels and have worn them very occasionally for weddings/special occasions, but I really can't deal with them at all. They look nice, but I walk very strangely in them and always end up barefoot after a couple of hours because they are so uncomfortable.
I have been invited to a friend's wedding this month and I would really like to enjoy it. I am thinking to wear a black and pink dress with long (new) doc marten style boots a la 1995. I know I could get some flat "ladies" shoes but I really don't want to. I love wearing DMs and to me, it's a good look. Since it is February and the UK I am hoping to get away with it.

YABU - heels are obligatory for female wedding guests, I should at least wear flat pumps.
YANBU - I am way over-thinking this one, nobody gives a toss what I wear and the boots will look awesome.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
17
chiwwy · 13/02/2024 17:11

And to all the others - thanks also for sharing, you have made me appreciate all the more just how awesome the other people are.

Bazinga!

ZiriForGood · 13/02/2024 17:10

I'm disappointed with the actual shoes.
I expected colourful classic statement doc martens. The actual boots are really "I've forgotten to pack my shoes" look.

I'd recommend cheap foldable ballet flats - they weight and cost a minimum and are very soft and therefore flexible for different feet shapes. They wouldn't hold as a proper full day walking shoes, but are great as "nice shoes" for hand luggage travelling and easily get me over those few hours when it matters.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 13/02/2024 17:07

I'm fairly anal about dress codes, but if you go on the Doc Martens website there are SO many shoes that would work for a wedding.

These would look fab with a flouncy dress. As would these.

Adrian Women's Virginia Leather Tassel Loafers in Vintage Taupe | Dr. Martens

Shop Adrian Women's Virginia Leather Tassel Loafers in Vintage Taupe at Dr. Martens. Free delivery on orders over $50

https://www.drmartens.com/us/en/adrian-womens-virginia-tassel-loafers-vintage-taupe/p/31245348

LizFromMotherland · 13/02/2024 17:04

To all the kind comments from my soul sisters in boots, I am so happy to hear from you all!!

Surely you mean sole sisters? 😏

Original poster
EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 16:59

Panic over - I have checked with the bride (taking into account@DamnSpots thoughts on that, I also sent her a link to this thread) and she is not in the least offended by my choice of footwear/outfit.

@ThisMama1 you are gorgeous! I love your style.

@ShiteRider
Ballet flats, Mary Jane’s, loafers - fucking awful things. how anyone can say they’re nicer than DMs blows my mind. Thank you for summing up my feelings so well!

Everyone who has contributed - thank you so much for all your opinions, this definitely ran on longer than I was expecting. To all the kind comments from my soul sisters in boots, I am so happy to hear from you all!! And to all the others - thanks also for sharing, you have made me appreciate all the more just how awesome the other people are.

Over and out.

OP posts:
ttcat37 · 13/02/2024 16:58

Basilandmandarin · 13/02/2024 16:50

There will always be people who judge others and look down their noses at others for having a different sense of style.

But thankfully my friends and family who have hosted recent weddings are not that type of people and appreciate that archaic dress codes are on the way out.

Show quote history

Oh no, being smart and respectful to the occasion is suppressing your sense of style! How dare society force you to fit in!
Reminds me of my friend’s child who wanted to wear his Batman outfit and had a tantrum when he couldn’t wear it for school…

Perhaps your friends and family have the manners not to bring up when you’ve underdressed for their special occasion and hope you recognise it yourself.

Megifer · 13/02/2024 16:56

I wore DMs to a black tie industry awards bash.

Wear the DMs.

TheOriginalEmu · 13/02/2024 16:55

Do people really care what other people put on their feet to the point of thinking ‘xxx can’t be bothered to make an effort’?

jesus.
wear the dms.

Spudthespanner · 13/02/2024 16:54

DamnSpots · 13/02/2024 16:44

I'm always amused by 'check with the bride and groom' on these things. If any of my guests had run their choice of footwear past me and I'd have thought they'd gone crazy! I had more than enough to worry about, without being bothered whether Susan was planning on wearing DMs, or Dave was going to rock up in fit flops. I couldn't have cared less. And I couldn't tell you what most of my guests wore on their body let alone on their feet.

Most people wouldn't need to run their choice of shoes past the bride and groom because they wouldn't wear the shoes that OP has posted.

I think OP knows they're not appropriate for her friend's wedding and that's why she's posted in AIBU.

SaunteringOnBy · 13/02/2024 16:53

Wear nice flat brogue style shoes.
Hell, wear a trouser suit and men's style shoes, rock the andro look like the 80s.

NomDePrune · 13/02/2024 16:53

At her wedding my niece wore a lacy cream jumpsuit and black DM boots. None of the guests were in DMs though. Neither was the groom. It was boiling hot and most of us were in sandals.

Weightwatcher2 · 13/02/2024 16:52

Basilandmandarin · 13/02/2024 16:50

There will always be people who judge others and look down their noses at others for having a different sense of style.

But thankfully my friends and family who have hosted recent weddings are not that type of people and appreciate that archaic dress codes are on the way out.

Show quote history

But thankfully my friends and family who have hosted recent weddings are not that type of people and appreciate that archaic dress codes are on the way out.

Ooh I love a dress code - esp black tie! Nice excuse to dress up after covid years but each to their own I guess.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 13/02/2024 16:51

DamnSpots · 13/02/2024 16:44

I'm always amused by 'check with the bride and groom' on these things. If any of my guests had run their choice of footwear past me and I'd have thought they'd gone crazy! I had more than enough to worry about, without being bothered whether Susan was planning on wearing DMs, or Dave was going to rock up in fit flops. I couldn't have cared less. And I couldn't tell you what most of my guests wore on their body let alone on their feet.

I went to a wedding once where we all had to get outfit approval from the grooms, some couples are very into the aesthetic.

ManchesterLu · 13/02/2024 16:50

Just buy some flat shoes. I honestly don't understand the issue here.

Basilandmandarin · 13/02/2024 16:50

ttcat37 · 13/02/2024 16:47

There will always be people who feel comfortable being underdressed but thankfully most people appreciate that dress codes are important

Show quote history

There will always be people who judge others and look down their noses at others for having a different sense of style.

But thankfully my friends and family who have hosted recent weddings are not that type of people and appreciate that archaic dress codes are on the way out.

Weightwatcher2 · 13/02/2024 16:50

EarthyMangold · 13/02/2024 12:40

This.

7 pages into this thread, and I’m starting to think that these “nice flats” are like the mythical Mumsnet chicken, everyone is talking about how they exist but nobody has linked to any! There are couple of links to platforms / shoes with 3-inch blocky heels, and one link to a pair of sandals, but none of these are FLAT SHOES 😂

I think it depends on the dress/overall outfit before anyone can suggest a certain nice flat shoe really. Eg If someone was wearing a fifties style dress and wanted a quirky look, I’d perhaps suggest Vivienne Westwood jelly shoes but the flat version. These are obviously not for everyone. But fair enough if you don’t want to show what you’re wearing. I get it. Hope you have a lovely time and feel fabulous!

Salaaaaaaaah · 13/02/2024 16:48

ThisMama1 looks stunning in her DMs.

I hope OP sticks with her decision to wear what makes her comfortable.

Basilandmandarin · 13/02/2024 16:47

neilyoungismyhero · 13/02/2024 16:37

My friend got married in her DMs. Nobody was appalled or offended.

Sounds like your friend has the right type of people in her life.

ttcat37 · 13/02/2024 16:47

Basilandmandarin · 13/02/2024 16:23

I disagree. I think it’s healthy and progressive that these archaic and outdated formalwear standards are disappearing.

Show quote history

There will always be people who feel comfortable being underdressed but thankfully most people appreciate that dress codes are important

LuckySantangelo35 · 13/02/2024 16:44

I don’t think you should wear those boots to a wedding op

DamnSpots · 13/02/2024 16:44

I'm always amused by 'check with the bride and groom' on these things. If any of my guests had run their choice of footwear past me and I'd have thought they'd gone crazy! I had more than enough to worry about, without being bothered whether Susan was planning on wearing DMs, or Dave was going to rock up in fit flops. I couldn't have cared less. And I couldn't tell you what most of my guests wore on their body let alone on their feet.

zingally · 13/02/2024 16:43

Hand over heart, I haven't worn heels since my early 20s. I'm now nearly 40. I don't even own a pair of heels any more.

I never really mastered walking in them, they hurt my feet, and I can't be arsed.

Don't feel any pressure to wear anything. Do what you what.

housemaus · 13/02/2024 16:40

I got married wearing DMs (as did my husband). And I've worn them to a few weddings with dresses as a guest. I think it's fine! They're just shoes, I can't say I've ever been 'shocked' by a shoe someone was wearing. I have a colleague who can only wear trainers due to some foot issues and she regularly rocks up to industry black tie events in a ballgown and Skechers and nobody gives a shit because why would they?