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AIBU?

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Genuine misunderstanding or deliberately trying to show me up?

77 replies

FrenchPooSpaniel · 25/10/2022 19:15

Been in relationship for a few months. A few weeks in I saw a side to him I really didn’t like. We were at a food counter and the server asked what I wanted - I hadn’t decided so deliberated a bit and he bent down to me and said “go on, tell the nice lady what you want”. Once we were out the shop I said “why the hell did you do that?? Don’t talk to me like I’m a child!” he apologised and said he was just messing around but it really annoyed me and made me feel small. I let it go hoping it was a one off.

so at weekend we were at a Mexican and I ordered Fajitas. When they arrived it all came separately - tortilla wraps, a bowl of salad, a bowl of grated cheese, a meat mixture and pots of salsa etc. I jokingly said “wow, where do you start!” - he immediately called the waitress over and told her I didn’t know what to do and could she please explain how to make them for me. I was mortified!! I said “what are on about, of course I know how to do them!” And he replied “you’ve just said you don’t know what to do”. I apologised to the waitress and assured her I was fine. She walked off. I’m annoyed at this point. We carry on eating and change the subject. Later I make an obvious joke about eating there on Christmas Day and laugh and say “I wonder if they’re open!” He calls the waitress across and says “she’s asking if you’re open on Christmas Day?” I again brush it off and apologise to her saying I’m not asking that at all. She walks off understandably looking irritated. I then tell him to stop calling the waitress across constantly, she’s busy and it’s embarrassing. He apologises and says “I didn’t know you were joking” - it was fucking obvious!!! I didn’t say much for the rest of the time there and as we left he said “you’ve gone quiet?” So I said “well I don’t want you calling the waitress over to take the piss out of me”. He insists it was all a misunderstanding but how could he possibly think I didn’t know how to roll a fajita etc?? He was deliberately trying to show me up right?

OP posts:
Gloryofthe80s · 25/10/2022 19:48

The man is a dick. Dump him right now by text and then block him on all platforms. Don’t waste another second of your time with him. You can do better.

Sexnotgender · 25/10/2022 19:50

He sounds really fucking irritating. Who cares why, do you want to put up with it?

Xiaoxiong · 25/10/2022 19:50

Pretty clear he was taking the piss if he was grinning ear to ear. No misunderstanding. He's a tosser.

Mentalpiece · 25/10/2022 19:54

He sounds very immature and extremely irritating.
I couldn't be with someone like that. I like a laugh and a joke as much as the next person, but there's a time and a place.
Throw him back and try to net someone with a level of maturity.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 25/10/2022 19:55

Also - I'm sure I can't be the only one on the thread who really fancies fajitas now.

Beancounter1 · 25/10/2022 20:05

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 25/10/2022 19:41

Sounds pretty clear from your updates that he knew you weren't being serious.

Out of interest, were the two servers attractive? Just the fact that both occasions involved female servers makes me wonder if he was showing off to them.

This seems the most likely explanation to me. He just loves taking women's attention - an everyday misogynist who thinks the reason women are on this earth is to make him feel good.

You could observe him for a few more weeks and see how often he tries to get attention from women vs men, or just dump him now.

MysteryBelle · 25/10/2022 20:07

He’s very immature, you said he was grinning both times he called the waitress over. Run, don’t walk, away from this weirdo.

Cyshion · 25/10/2022 20:08

Humour or attention seeking, either way it doesn't work for you. I don't know about a put down, it didn't really read that way.

OneFrenchEgg · 25/10/2022 20:11

Oh god this bloody place. Bloke does something annoying - cue posters parroting 'could he be autistic?'
It's infuriating and I don't care if your dc are autistic blah blah autistic adults are perfectly capable of functioning in normal society, we are not the reason for a crap date/ insert other negative experiences.

Unseelie · 25/10/2022 20:25

Incredibly rude and selfish to waste the waitresses time like that 😕

He’s a dick with a crap sense of humour, at least you found out now.

Stripedbag101 · 25/10/2022 20:28

Echobelly · 25/10/2022 19:18

The first one might just a silly comment - the others sound like he's taking things very literally for some reason? Or was there something very teasing in the tone?

Some people, men usually, like to express affection through teasing, but I totally hate that personally. In fact, not sure anyone likes it!

this is the kind of bullshit we need to call out.

man like to humiliate and patronise women because they think they are funny and superior?

is that what you are getting at - surely you don’t believe that is affectionate?

CarefreeMe · 25/10/2022 20:32

I would have taken your second question as a definite question - you wondered if they were open on Christmas so he asked, I genuinely don’t see what’s wrong with that.

I can’t see the issue tbh but you’ve been dating for a few months and he’s already annoying you - I think it’s time to call it a day as I can’t see this getting better.

Spudina · 25/10/2022 20:34

Your post has just given me the Ick (sorry not sure how you spell it). He sounds insufferable.

eatsleepwinerepeat · 25/10/2022 20:35

Sounds like showing off (at yours expense) for attention. My personal hell and an instant turn off.

CantFindTheBeat · 25/10/2022 20:36

God, that is definitely very unattractive behaviour, OP. I'm not surprised it gives you the ick.

I bet he looks round to see if he can get other people into his conversations too, doesn't he 😡

ChagSameachDoreen · 25/10/2022 20:37

Maybe he has dementia!

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 25/10/2022 20:44

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 25/10/2022 19:55

Also - I'm sure I can't be the only one on the thread who really fancies fajitas now.

🤣🤣🤣

Natty13 · 25/10/2022 20:55

Play him at his own game

"John when people stand in front of a menu board with lots of choices and take a minute to order they are deciding what to have. It's called thinking"

"John 'I don't know where to start' is an expression people use when they have a lot of options and can't decide what to do first. I can't believe you haven't heard it before!"

Speak to him like he is stupid and I'm sure you'll find out how well he likes a "joke"

CrystalCoco · 25/10/2022 21:04

Following your two updates he sounds like he's being a massive prick on purpose, save yourself the future hassle and just get rid now, his sense of humour - if you can call it that - is not for everyone, and definitely not for you.

CrystalCoco · 25/10/2022 21:06

CarefreeMe · 25/10/2022 20:32

I would have taken your second question as a definite question - you wondered if they were open on Christmas so he asked, I genuinely don’t see what’s wrong with that.

I can’t see the issue tbh but you’ve been dating for a few months and he’s already annoying you - I think it’s time to call it a day as I can’t see this getting better.

Assuming OP and her partner are in the UK, there is zero chance she was genuinely asking if the restaurant is open on Christmas Day and zero chance he didn't already know this.

Goingforarun · 25/10/2022 21:36

He thinks he is madly funny and madly attractive and also thinks the waitress fancied him. she didn’t.

knittingaddict · 25/10/2022 21:56

BatsAtDawn · 25/10/2022 19:20

Sounds like you have very different senses of humour. I'd break it off now if it's causing so much hassle

You think it's a sense of humour thing? I'm not getting that at all. He is either putting the op in her place or is incredibly literal. Not sure which.

JessesMum777888 · 25/10/2022 22:07

Does he have autism ?
my brother takes everything literally and doesn’t understand sarcasm.
I wouldn’t necessarily run for the hills unless there’s other red flags or it irritates the fuck out of you that much xx

Nolosomi · 25/10/2022 22:13

He’s a pratt. The end.

Batiqueattic · 25/10/2022 22:21

He thinks he's hilarious. And you know he'd absolutely hate it if you tried this "engaging banter" involving a bystander with HIM. We would not find that funny at all.
He doesn't like or have any respect for women. Ditch n block without meeting him again.

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