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Genuine misunderstanding or deliberately trying to show me up?

77 replies

FrenchPooSpaniel · 25/10/2022 19:15

Been in relationship for a few months. A few weeks in I saw a side to him I really didn’t like. We were at a food counter and the server asked what I wanted - I hadn’t decided so deliberated a bit and he bent down to me and said “go on, tell the nice lady what you want”. Once we were out the shop I said “why the hell did you do that?? Don’t talk to me like I’m a child!” he apologised and said he was just messing around but it really annoyed me and made me feel small. I let it go hoping it was a one off.

so at weekend we were at a Mexican and I ordered Fajitas. When they arrived it all came separately - tortilla wraps, a bowl of salad, a bowl of grated cheese, a meat mixture and pots of salsa etc. I jokingly said “wow, where do you start!” - he immediately called the waitress over and told her I didn’t know what to do and could she please explain how to make them for me. I was mortified!! I said “what are on about, of course I know how to do them!” And he replied “you’ve just said you don’t know what to do”. I apologised to the waitress and assured her I was fine. She walked off. I’m annoyed at this point. We carry on eating and change the subject. Later I make an obvious joke about eating there on Christmas Day and laugh and say “I wonder if they’re open!” He calls the waitress across and says “she’s asking if you’re open on Christmas Day?” I again brush it off and apologise to her saying I’m not asking that at all. She walks off understandably looking irritated. I then tell him to stop calling the waitress across constantly, she’s busy and it’s embarrassing. He apologises and says “I didn’t know you were joking” - it was fucking obvious!!! I didn’t say much for the rest of the time there and as we left he said “you’ve gone quiet?” So I said “well I don’t want you calling the waitress over to take the piss out of me”. He insists it was all a misunderstanding but how could he possibly think I didn’t know how to roll a fajita etc?? He was deliberately trying to show me up right?

OP posts:
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OhcantthInkofaname · 08/07/2024 01:13

The first time with the "tell the nice lady" bit would have been the last for me. He's treating you like you're stupid. The second and third events are the same thing.

TheShellBeach · 08/07/2024 00:57

@Thalia31 why have you

a) quoted the whole OP

and

b) quoted the whole OP of a Zombie thread?

Jumpingthruhoops · 08/07/2024 00:50

I really hate when people say ‘could he be autistic?’ At the drop of a hat.

Apologies... but this was my first thought when I read the OP.

Venice241 · 08/07/2024 00:03

.

Copperoliverbear · 07/07/2024 23:23

Thick twat trying to be funny and failing, move on

cupcaske123 · 07/07/2024 23:21

FrenchPooSpaniel · 25/10/2022 19:22

Oh no, he was grinning from ear to ear both times and laughing until he saw I was annoyed. He’s a massive attention seeker and always seems to want to be centre of attention so part of me wonders if he was just trying to get attention!

Edited zombie

exexpat · 07/07/2024 23:20

ZOMBIE ALERT

@Thalia31 Why have you revived a thread from two years ago? I presume this guy is long dumped by now.

AhBiscuits · 07/07/2024 23:13

I imagine she's moved on given that this happened 2 years ago.

StormingNorman · 07/07/2024 23:12

Let this one go. Whether he’s a prick or just has an odd sense of humour, it sounds tiring.

BobbyBiscuits · 07/07/2024 23:11

I'm wondering if he'd do the same if the waiter was male? It's like he was trying to embarrass you both. He sounds a bit odd to be honest, I'd not be able to cope with a man acting that way in public. Its a bit different, but I remember immediately knowing I had to dump a guy when he tried to instruct me on the correct way to stroke a cat. I've owned cats all my life.
Fucking mansplaining tossers. I'd give him a wide berth.

Mummy2024 · 07/07/2024 23:09

FrenchPooSpaniel · 25/10/2022 19:15

Been in relationship for a few months. A few weeks in I saw a side to him I really didn’t like. We were at a food counter and the server asked what I wanted - I hadn’t decided so deliberated a bit and he bent down to me and said “go on, tell the nice lady what you want”. Once we were out the shop I said “why the hell did you do that?? Don’t talk to me like I’m a child!” he apologised and said he was just messing around but it really annoyed me and made me feel small. I let it go hoping it was a one off.

so at weekend we were at a Mexican and I ordered Fajitas. When they arrived it all came separately - tortilla wraps, a bowl of salad, a bowl of grated cheese, a meat mixture and pots of salsa etc. I jokingly said “wow, where do you start!” - he immediately called the waitress over and told her I didn’t know what to do and could she please explain how to make them for me. I was mortified!! I said “what are on about, of course I know how to do them!” And he replied “you’ve just said you don’t know what to do”. I apologised to the waitress and assured her I was fine. She walked off. I’m annoyed at this point. We carry on eating and change the subject. Later I make an obvious joke about eating there on Christmas Day and laugh and say “I wonder if they’re open!” He calls the waitress across and says “she’s asking if you’re open on Christmas Day?” I again brush it off and apologise to her saying I’m not asking that at all. She walks off understandably looking irritated. I then tell him to stop calling the waitress across constantly, she’s busy and it’s embarrassing. He apologises and says “I didn’t know you were joking” - it was fucking obvious!!! I didn’t say much for the rest of the time there and as we left he said “you’ve gone quiet?” So I said “well I don’t want you calling the waitress over to take the piss out of me”. He insists it was all a misunderstanding but how could he possibly think I didn’t know how to roll a fajita etc?? He was deliberately trying to show me up right?

Sounds like he has some form of Autism. They don't understand sarcasm and take everything litterally.

Thalia31 · 07/07/2024 23:06

FrenchPooSpaniel · 25/10/2022 19:15

Been in relationship for a few months. A few weeks in I saw a side to him I really didn’t like. We were at a food counter and the server asked what I wanted - I hadn’t decided so deliberated a bit and he bent down to me and said “go on, tell the nice lady what you want”. Once we were out the shop I said “why the hell did you do that?? Don’t talk to me like I’m a child!” he apologised and said he was just messing around but it really annoyed me and made me feel small. I let it go hoping it was a one off.

so at weekend we were at a Mexican and I ordered Fajitas. When they arrived it all came separately - tortilla wraps, a bowl of salad, a bowl of grated cheese, a meat mixture and pots of salsa etc. I jokingly said “wow, where do you start!” - he immediately called the waitress over and told her I didn’t know what to do and could she please explain how to make them for me. I was mortified!! I said “what are on about, of course I know how to do them!” And he replied “you’ve just said you don’t know what to do”. I apologised to the waitress and assured her I was fine. She walked off. I’m annoyed at this point. We carry on eating and change the subject. Later I make an obvious joke about eating there on Christmas Day and laugh and say “I wonder if they’re open!” He calls the waitress across and says “she’s asking if you’re open on Christmas Day?” I again brush it off and apologise to her saying I’m not asking that at all. She walks off understandably looking irritated. I then tell him to stop calling the waitress across constantly, she’s busy and it’s embarrassing. He apologises and says “I didn’t know you were joking” - it was fucking obvious!!! I didn’t say much for the rest of the time there and as we left he said “you’ve gone quiet?” So I said “well I don’t want you calling the waitress over to take the piss out of me”. He insists it was all a misunderstanding but how could he possibly think I didn’t know how to roll a fajita etc?? He was deliberately trying to show me up right?

He sounds like he may be autistic he is taking what you say literally which is quite common with people on the spectrum. You actually come across as quite cruel which I’m sure isn’t your intention but if you plan to be in a relationship you will need to change your approach.

BatsAtDawn · 26/10/2022 15:31

knittingaddict I was initially thinking he had a very literal sense of humour and joking. My friends is the same (though never cruel).
Based on the updates that came after though I think the guy is just a dickhead

Ilovechinese · 26/10/2022 06:12

Definitely sounds like he's trying to embarrass you, get rid of the loser

cushioncovers · 26/10/2022 03:44

He's a twat op, get rid. He's starting to let his guard down now you've been dating a few months and his real self is showing. You said he doesn't take things literally so you can't blame it on a misunderstanding. It was completely intentional in my opinion and when he realised he could get away with it he has done it several more times.

Pixiedust1234 · 25/10/2022 23:44

Hes a twat. Stupid and immature. You've only been with him a few months and this is the time when he should be impressing you. Is he? No. Get rid, it will only get worse.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 25/10/2022 23:37

Like a previous poster I have been a waitress in a similar situation where a man has tried to make himself look big and his girlfriend looks small.

I wouldn't have seen him again after that meal.

NickEccles · 25/10/2022 23:23

Fuck Sake! Get rid quick! You're worth much more that this..........Nasty twat belittling you like that! 😡

knockyknees · 25/10/2022 23:21

And he places no value on the waitress’s time either, happy to keep bothering her just to be a prop in his funny jokes, as if she’s going to find it hilarious too - this is what would bother me the most

Yes, this annoyed me the most too. I absolutely despise people who try and involve bystanders/strangers/employees in their pathetic games. (Especially "parents" who tell their children that Xstranger is going to tell them off/smack them, but I digress). He deliberately wasted that waitresses working time for his own amusement.

He's an arrogant wanker. Dump him now before he subjects you and other random people around you to more of his shittery.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 25/10/2022 23:18

I’m not even sure I’d care much what he says his intentions are. Either he cannot read me at all, or he’s trying to make me feel small. Neither would fill me with joy at seeing him.

Getoff · 25/10/2022 23:15

He used the waitress as a toy for his own amusement. Ditch him.

Getoff · 25/10/2022 23:14

I'm in London.

Getoff · 25/10/2022 23:14

CrystalCoco · 25/10/2022 21:06

Assuming OP and her partner are in the UK, there is zero chance she was genuinely asking if the restaurant is open on Christmas Day and zero chance he didn't already know this.

There's a restaurant near me that takes bookings for dinner on Christmas day.

OriginalUsername3 · 25/10/2022 23:02

God he's obviously trying to get a laugh at your expense. How could anyone think he thought that was the right thing to do. If he thought you didn't know how yo roll a fajita he could have just explained it. If you wanted to know if it was open christmas day (which it probably is) he could have asked himself or googled it.

The waitress probably thought he fancied her tbh.

surreygirl1987 · 25/10/2022 22:52

He sounds really annoying. He is clearly belittling you. I'd not find that attractive at all.

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