To not be able to live up to DH's level of romanticness/obsessiveness?

op. You say you love him and are happy about some aspects of the relationship. You are married with a baby on the way so if you want to make the marriage work then fair enough
The counselling is a good idea because this is not normal. You have to talk about all of this in the round.
Confide your fears to his family and explain what’s happening. This “ just the two of you” is normalising his behaviour - it’s not normal.
The prospect of a baby on the way is a stressor which can lead to MH issues.

This is extremely worrying.

He will not be able to cope when the baby needs every bit of your attention.

For your part, you are going to want to bash his head in with a cricket bat if he goes near you for a cuddle after 57 straight hours of breastfeeding/burping the baby/carrying/rocking the baby/nappy changing.

His flowers will go untended to. His love letters will make you spit nails. You will spill strong black coffee all over the lovingly curated photos. What happens when life starts to take place on the baby's terms?

Something is very wrong with this man.

I'm really unromantic and don't like the lovey dovey stuff so it just sounds so uncomftable to me. You need to tell him it's far to much seriously what is he going to do when baby is here you will be giving baby most of your attention how will he cope? The work thing are you both allowed to use your phone that much ? could you say your manager has spoken to you about phone use ?

You know ‘being treated right’ isn’t about you when your feelings and opinions don’t count. He’s defined what ‘romance’ is in your relationship and your job is to accept it and play the game. His definition of ‘romance’ is about his needs being met, not yours.

Unfortunately, when your baby arrives it’s very likely that the child and it’s care will be the new target for his issues and just like with you, he will start small but the need for control will increase.

It sounds like your pregnancy was an escalation trigger and I suspect the birth will be another. You need RL support, whatever is going on with your H it isn’t about you but you are the target for his issues.

I think she's probably as overwhelmed by all the responses on here as she is by her husband's obsessive behaviour. I have a feeling that's why she hasn't updated in a while.

Hope she's ok.

I'm also concerned about the OP, and I did wonder if he might have seen this thread. I hope she's ok.

@Flisspaps
Yes, hope she's ok another sly bump this thread is very concerning. I will check now what OP's last update was.

Couples counselling?

Could you get him to go to help you to cope with being a mum and wife? Or any other reason that doesn't imply criticism of him?

Needs to be sorted asap but awful timing to make such a big decision when pregnant . Stay strong

I'm concerned for the OP, I am worried her OH has found this post.

His levels of obsession are far from normal. I agree with others who say this often ends up as the backstory to a murder preceded by domestic abuse.

Reading this whole thread has made me feel sick. This really is very far from normal. I don’t know how the OP stands it.🤮

I hope the counselling goes well and gives you the confidence to do whatever is right for you - whatever that ends up being.

@frogsinthepond

Did he respect your request not to keep texting you at work yesterday?

OP who's idea was it to get married and have a baby? I'm guessing him?

Also this man has cut off most communication with his own family- not much empathy there.

I would suggest he has a complete lack of empathy all around- he's not being very sensitive to the OPs feelings.

He has a disturbing lack of empathy- which is why I think he is dangerous.

where someone has far too much empathy and emotional connection to other people.

But Barbara that's not this man at all - he has zero empathy and doesn't notice or care that OP doesn't like sitting there looking at the photo albums AGAIN, being bugged with texts or being physically pestered. If she says no he gets upset/cries to get his way. If he had empathy he's care about her feelings too.

DP is scary and she should run for the hills, but she is having his baby and he is entitled to time with the child

Not if she leaves before giving birth and his name is not on the birth certificate.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3261257-To-think-Im-not-a-tart-and-tell-him-to-fuck-off
Try again

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3261257-To-think-Im-not-a-tart-and-tell-him-to-fuck-off

Op, this could be you further down the line. Read and take note.

I agree that it sounds like the backstory to a family annihilator

Totally agree. It is NOT sweet. It is NOT romantic.

He sees you as a thing. That he owns. He can’t see you as an actual person at all.

The more you post the worse,he sounds.

Get the fuck outta dodge. And do the freedom programme as you go.

Not a healthy relationship to bring a baby into.

Ffs busybarbara if he had Williams Syndrome, the op would know. It’s like saying “maybe he has Downs Syndrome, they’re often short”. Don’t be so dumb.

I agree that it sounds like the backstory to a family annihilator. That might sound extreme, but I can promise you his behaviour is not normal in the slightest. It has already escalated in the time you've been together, and kicked up a notch again when you got pregnant (hallmark of the abuser). It's not going to deescalate, but will likely be the precursor to something far worse.

He sounds awful , that’s not normal behaviour .