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My boy died on Wednesday. He was 18. Is anyone around? I can’t sleep.

197 replies

SecurityLight · Yesterday 05:55

He was autistic and troubled, he lived in supported accommodation. They found him on Wednesday morning, sitting on his bedroom floor. No one knows exactly when he died or how. He was alive at 01:13. He was dead at 10:30.
He had 3 younger siblings - all young teens living at home with me. I have to stay strong for them and I don’t know how I’m going to do it.

OP posts:
SummerNocturnal · Yesterday 09:44

I am so very sorry for your loss, OP. 💐
Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Sassylovesbooks · Yesterday 09:40

OP, there is an organisation called Child Bereavement UK, who help children and their family with grief after a child dies.

I'm so sorry for your loss ❤️ I have a 15 year old son myself, and thought of losing him, makes my blood run cold.

Sending much love ❤️

bettyrubble99 · Yesterday 09:29

Oh darling. I'm so sorry. I can't begin to imagine how you're all feeling and the questions you're asking yourself. Sending you & your children so much love. X

MyThreeWords · Yesterday 09:27

SecurityLight · Yesterday 08:46

Thank you all. I’ve spoken to the doctor and got a prescription for a weeks sleeping tablets.

Tried the mortuary several times and they don’t answer and it cuts you off after a bit of hild
music.

In our case the coroner's assistant was a very helpful point of contact when it came to viewing my son and understanding procedure. The police were absolutely terrible.

tatyr · Yesterday 09:24

There is also a charity called 2Wish that provides immediate and ongoing support to those affected by the sudden and unexpected death of a child or young person aged 25 and under
https://2wish.org.uk/our-services/

They are not fully available across the UK yet, but in case they are working in your area (or any of the other folk here who have lost a child/young person unexpectedly...

Wales:
(All Regions)
England:

  • Cheshire
  • Shropshire
  • Worcestershire
  • Herefordshire
  • Gloucestershire
  • Avon and Somerset
  • Merseyside
  • Devon
  • Cornwall
  • Wiltshire
  • Dorset
  • Hampshire
  • Isle of Wight

They can also support siblings, grandparents, health/social care staff/police etc who are affected.
You're not alone OP x

MyThreeWords · Yesterday 09:24

The same thing happened for me, @SecurityLight . My son (autistic and with a host of mental health problems) killed himself, died in the night. I don't know what to say to you because still,six years later, the form of my grief is confusion and numbness.

In practical, procedural terms, it might be helpful if I said that the post mortem happened quite quickly but the inquest was delayed for literally years (and in any case brought no shift in the failure of psychological processing that I experience).

I don't really know what to say, I haven't even been able yet to look at all your posts. But I will read them, and perhaps I will be able to say something useful.

All I can think of to say now is that whatever confusion and disorientation you are feeling, whatever numbness and exhaustion replace the deeper feelings of grief that you may yearn for as an experience of your love for your lost boy, they are understandable and may take years to unpick. Or perhaps you are very different from me and are feeling the fullness of grief now. Whatever. Whatever. It is all so messy and you need to just go with the horribly broken flow.Flowers

My son has one sibling, a brother. I worry a lot about the effects of all this on him, but I can say that he appears to be thriving, centred, grounded, despite the ongoing sadness of bereavement that he deals with.

SecurityLight · Yesterday 09:13

Thank you. He would have been 19 in 2 months

OP posts:
user1476613140 · Yesterday 09:09

I am so so sorry you have lost your eldest. So young. I also have a troubled and autistic teen, aged 19 and it is a constant worry. Thinking of you right now❤️❤️❤️

Roomforapony · Yesterday 08:50

I’m so very sorry for your heartbreaking loss💔 Your beloved boy will always be with you, his heart beat with yours from the moment he came into existence and his spirit is part of you forever. Sending you and your family love and prayers to give all of you strength and solace in the days ahead🙏🏻 Take comfort and support from each other and we are here for you❤️

SecurityLight · Yesterday 08:46

Thank you all. I’ve spoken to the doctor and got a prescription for a weeks sleeping tablets.

Tried the mortuary several times and they don’t answer and it cuts you off after a bit of hild
music.

OP posts:
SecurityLight · Yesterday 08:44

5128gap · Yesterday 08:32

He did make something brilliant of his life OP. His life was short but held great meaning and he completed it loved and a success. It's very hard, but its not what could have been, it's what was, and in time it's holding on to that that will bring you comfort.

❤️

OP posts:
SecurityLight · Yesterday 08:44

Ilovemyfam · Yesterday 08:36

I’m imagining him standing on his bicycle, enjoying his bakes and being so caring towards his siblings. Hugs to you op

❤️

OP posts:
SecurityLight · Yesterday 08:44

WhatNextImScared · Yesterday 08:19

I am so sad hearing this thread but am delighted to have learned about what a wonderful young man he was, alongside his troubles. I saw you said you feel you should have been there for him. I have never met you but I know you were and still are. I am a SEND mum and I know how carefully you have cared for him and protect him to be exactly who he was. None of this is your fault. He was living in a lovely space where you hoped he would prosper and grow. The fact that it has ended in this awful sadness for you and your family is not because you did anything wrong. You are a wonderful mother to him. I just had to come here and say that. You will be in my thoughts today xx

❤️

OP posts:
Ilovemyfam · Yesterday 08:36

I’m imagining him standing on his bicycle, enjoying his bakes and being so caring towards his siblings. Hugs to you op

5128gap · Yesterday 08:32

He did make something brilliant of his life OP. His life was short but held great meaning and he completed it loved and a success. It's very hard, but its not what could have been, it's what was, and in time it's holding on to that that will bring you comfort.

Lentilcakes · Yesterday 08:27

So sorry for your loss. I hope you’re getting support in real life too.

Lollipopsicle · Yesterday 08:25

I’m so sorry. I can’t begin to imagine how you much pain you’re all feeling. 💐

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · Yesterday 08:22

SecurityLight · Yesterday 08:01

He was very ill when he was born and I stayed in hospital for 7 weeks with him.

I used to do baby salsa with him and he loved it. He used to kick his legs like mad.

He learned to ride a bike at 4 and would stand up on the saddle while it was going like a mad man.

He used to look after his baby sister when he was 7 and I was putting the other 2 to bed - he’d play games with her and make sure she didn’t roll off the bed.

He was a very talented artist - he had been going to design a tattoo for me.

He loved cooking, he used to send me photos of the food he had made. He had started a job at a bakery and was so happy about it.

He was so tall - all his young teenager hood he desperately wanted to get past 6ft, and he did, aged 16. He was about 6’3” and towered over me.

I really believed he was going to make something brilliant of his life.

It sounds like he was an amazing young man, OP - talented and kind.

WhatNextImScared · Yesterday 08:19

I am so sad hearing this thread but am delighted to have learned about what a wonderful young man he was, alongside his troubles. I saw you said you feel you should have been there for him. I have never met you but I know you were and still are. I am a SEND mum and I know how carefully you have cared for him and protect him to be exactly who he was. None of this is your fault. He was living in a lovely space where you hoped he would prosper and grow. The fact that it has ended in this awful sadness for you and your family is not because you did anything wrong. You are a wonderful mother to him. I just had to come here and say that. You will be in my thoughts today xx

SecurityLight · Yesterday 08:15

@MysweetAudrina thank you, your words are very helpful. I am so very sorry for what have and are going through. 💔

OP posts:
aWeeCornishPastie · Yesterday 08:07

Am so sorry is there anyone you can turn to who can offer you emotional and practical support x

madaboutpurple · Yesterday 08:06

I was so sad hearing your news.

JamesGetIn · Yesterday 08:04

I’m so sorry for your loss x

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · Yesterday 08:03

SecurityLight · Yesterday 08:01

He was very ill when he was born and I stayed in hospital for 7 weeks with him.

I used to do baby salsa with him and he loved it. He used to kick his legs like mad.

He learned to ride a bike at 4 and would stand up on the saddle while it was going like a mad man.

He used to look after his baby sister when he was 7 and I was putting the other 2 to bed - he’d play games with her and make sure she didn’t roll off the bed.

He was a very talented artist - he had been going to design a tattoo for me.

He loved cooking, he used to send me photos of the food he had made. He had started a job at a bakery and was so happy about it.

He was so tall - all his young teenager hood he desperately wanted to get past 6ft, and he did, aged 16. He was about 6’3” and towered over me.

I really believed he was going to make something brilliant of his life.

He sounds lovely.
I’m so sorry. Xxx

SecurityLight · Yesterday 08:01

Ziga · Yesterday 07:42

I am so so sorry for your loss.

Tell us about your beautiful boy if you are able to. ❤️

He was very ill when he was born and I stayed in hospital for 7 weeks with him.

I used to do baby salsa with him and he loved it. He used to kick his legs like mad.

He learned to ride a bike at 4 and would stand up on the saddle while it was going like a mad man.

He used to look after his baby sister when he was 7 and I was putting the other 2 to bed - he’d play games with her and make sure she didn’t roll off the bed.

He was a very talented artist - he had been going to design a tattoo for me.

He loved cooking, he used to send me photos of the food he had made. He had started a job at a bakery and was so happy about it.

He was so tall - all his young teenager hood he desperately wanted to get past 6ft, and he did, aged 16. He was about 6’3” and towered over me.

I really believed he was going to make something brilliant of his life.

OP posts:
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