Rejected by 35 women - two men become fathers through surrogacy

(72 Posts)
OhHolyJesus Tue 04-May-21 17:28:33

Apparently it's because they were gay but 35, really? Could there have been another reason at play?

I wonder if they are still in touch with the single mother who they 'bonded' with?

"After being turned down by over 35 different surrogates, we connected with a single mom who was ready to make the ultimate sacrifice to help give us the gift of being parents. It turns out, the beginning of the surrogacy process for a gestational carrier is often unpredictable. Medically preparing a woman’s uterus for successfully growing a child is not an easy task.
Already having formed a special bond with our surrogate, we were devastated when told her likelihood of being able to become pregnant through an embryo transfer was extremely low. It was time to seek out a new surrogate, and we were back at square one. After continued searching, we finally met Julie.

When we first met over lunch with her husband, we felt an instant connection.
We hit it off and we sailed through all the preliminary steps and started the steps (medications) to prepare Julie. Sadly, we discovered she was having similar problems to our first gestational carrier. We were starting to feel cursed. History seemed to be repeating itself when the doctor told us there was only a small chance this cycle would be successful.
We figured a chance is a chance, and two perfect embryos were implanted in Julie’s uterus, Bryce biologically connected to one and Jeffrey to the other. Then, it was time to wait. After boxes of pregnancy tests and some confirmation through bloodwork, we were pregnant! The transfer was a success!"

https://cafemom.com/news/surrogates-refuse-to-carry-babies-gay-dads

OP’s posts: |
HenryHooverIII Tue 04-May-21 17:36:13

They're gay and live in a city and state founded by religious zealots. So probably, yes.

SulisMinerva Tue 04-May-21 17:39:09

‘Gestational carrier’ - that is a fucking awful phrase! Made me feel sick reading that...like the woman is just a handy short-term container.

OhHolyJesus Tue 04-May-21 17:44:51

I know Sulis I found 'Our pregnancy' a bit hmm

OP’s posts: |
Dyrne Tue 04-May-21 17:52:43

Sounds like they had very specific requirements which would result in a high risk pregnancy - insistence on implanting 2 embryos that are genetically different, alongside all of the other risks associated with carrying twins.

I wonder how many women refused on that basis? If so, shame on that article for implying they’re all bigots against gay people.

ProudExclu Tue 04-May-21 17:52:58

I’ve never been strongly against surrogacy but the phrase “gestational carrier” made me feel sick just now.

OhHolyJesus Tue 04-May-21 17:54:22

"Our sweet neighbor mentioned the other day how she was so impressed we’d learned "motherly instincts" as fathers. Haha.
We were a little offended, but she had good intentions. She meant well. It’s sometimes harder for older generations to get past the thought of a child growing up without a mother — but our kids have two parents who love them dearly and they’re better off for it."

So not an entirely hostile neighbourhood then. The twins have a mother too of course. Everyone does.

OP’s posts: |
ProudExclu Tue 04-May-21 17:54:53

@Dyrne they live in Utah. The article in this case is probably accurate regarding the motivations being homophobic.

JoantheVampireSlayer Tue 04-May-21 17:55:42

We ... started the steps (medications) to prepare Julie.

As if Julie were a cow, or a dog, rather than an actual human being... angrysad

LastRoloIsMine Tue 04-May-21 17:59:09

We hit it off and we sailed through all the preliminary steps and started the steps (medications) to prepare Julie.

So they were upset this vessel they had bought may not preform just like their last one and they may have to buy again...prepare Julie??
My dad was a farmer and he would talk about heifers in a similar tone.

OhHolyJesus Tue 04-May-21 18:01:19

"By this point, we had created an unbreakable bond with our surrogate"

Not so much with the other woman then?
Julie was 'The One', love at first sight I'm sure!

"...and regarded her as nothing short of a hero. On this day, she labored and delivered twins through an unmedicated birth. We love Julie and we saw her being a mother to her two children and had no doubt she’d be an incredible surrogate. We really felt like we connected on a deep level...We were kinda pregnant for 34 weeks, but not really."

Well not at all actually

"We didn’t have to deal with morning sickness and cramps and the struggles of pregnancy — so for us, it was a real shock coming home with two babies!"

No one is truly prepared for the arrival of a newborn. They just didn't have the physical recovery to cope with on top of caring for two little babies.

And

Julie still plays a big role in our lives. She is nothing short of an angel. Julie made so many sacrifices to bring them into the world. She gave us a gift we can never repay.

Children aren't gifts. Women aren't angels. Women don't have their value measured by their fertility and ability to give birth.

OP’s posts: |
LastRoloIsMine Tue 04-May-21 18:02:06

we were pregnant!

No. No you were not pregnant. Only 1 person was pregnant and risking their life...thats the gestational carrier hmm

Dyrne Tue 04-May-21 18:04:43

@ProudExclu fair enough. I think the rest of the article just rubbed me the wrong way - I especially hated the bit where they explain it took 3 whole cycles to conceive but they graciously forgave the surrogate for failing in her duty as a woman and they persevered with her…

LastRoloIsMine Tue 04-May-21 18:13:10

I’ve never been strongly against surrogacy but the phrase “gestational carrier” made me feel sick just now.

They are removing the humanity of giving birth. They do that in order to make this a business transaction. Its clinical. Feelings and emotions don't come in to it. It is handmaid's tale.

BrandineDelRoy Tue 04-May-21 18:16:06

OhHolyJesus

"By this point, we had created an unbreakable bond with our surrogate"

Not so much with the other woman then?
Julie was 'The One', love at first sight I'm sure!

"...and regarded her as nothing short of a hero. On this day, she labored and delivered twins through an unmedicated birth. We love Julie and we saw her being a mother to her two children and had no doubt she’d be an incredible surrogate. We really felt like we connected on a deep level...We were kinda pregnant for 34 weeks, but not really."

Well not at all actually

"We didn’t have to deal with morning sickness and cramps and the struggles of pregnancy — so for us, it was a real shock coming home with two babies!"

No one is truly prepared for the arrival of a newborn. They just didn't have the physical recovery to cope with on top of caring for two little babies.

And

Julie still plays a big role in our lives. She is nothing short of an angel. Julie made so many sacrifices to bring them into the world. She gave us a gift we can never repay.

Children aren't gifts. Women aren't angels. Women don't have their value measured by their fertility and ability to give birth.


Or their value measured by how medicated the birth was.

FannyCann Tue 04-May-21 18:51:21

Those surrogates are so picky aren't they.
Reminded me of this thread though it's a heterosexual couple so not these guys.

https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/surrogacy/4011046-Talk-to-me-about-surrogacy-in-UK

NewlyGranny Tue 04-May-21 18:56:17

Whose choice was the "unmedicated" birth - of twins?! 😲

If this was in the deal, no wonder 35 women turned them down. 🙄

LazyHorizon Tue 04-May-21 18:59:21

NewlyGranny

Whose choice was the "unmedicated" birth - of twins?! 😲

If this was in the deal, no wonder 35 women turned them down. 🙄

My thoughts exactly. Most twin births are C-sections, for safety of both babies and mother. Not a factor, apparently.

Pinchoftums Tue 04-May-21 19:01:59

Utah is one of the most homophobic bigoted pile of right wing arseholes that I ever had to visit.
It may also be because they have really weird white teeth.grin

ProudExclu Tue 04-May-21 19:04:07

@Dyrne I didn’t even get that far. I was put off at “gestational carrier” as it made me feel strange inside. Horrifying reading sad

Mumoblue Tue 04-May-21 19:04:28

I mean I get the anti surrogacy thing but it is not hard to find 35 homophobes. Especially in deeply religious places.

LastRoloIsMine Tue 04-May-21 19:11:32

,*I mean I get the anti surrogacy thing but it is not hard to find 35 homophobes. Especially in deeply religious places.*

Doesn't woman phobia trump homophobia here?
Here are 2 males viewing woman as nothing more than hearding cattle yet you still find a reason to side with males and bad mouth tbe women ...sorry gestural carriers hmm

nevernotstruggling Tue 04-May-21 19:12:39

I think being gay in Utah must be very hard.

Meanwhile whats with the push on 'unmedicated birth' was that just how it turned out or was that a requirement its hard to tell. If that's just how it went down then fine. If they felt able to request that then just wow.

Mumoblue Tue 04-May-21 19:13:57

@LastRoloIsMine
Yeah I’m not arguing with that at all. I’m anti surrogacy in general, just OP being confused they were turned down 35 times and saying “really” to it being because they were gay. It’s not hard for me to believe.

Mumoblue Tue 04-May-21 19:14:48

@LastRoloIsMine
I’m also not “siding with the males”. I can believe homophobia and surrogacy are both not okay.

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