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17yo son is smoking dope. How do I handle this?

(177 Posts)
BIWI Mon 20-Feb-12 18:39:19

I have had suspicions for a while that his peer group have been dabbling with dope, and a bit of undercover sleuthing by me this morning has confirmed it.

It seems to have progressed from smoking dope supplied by others to buying it him/themselves.

I am alarmed by this generally, but also very specifically because we are having the first inkling of problems at college as well. We had a letter from college just before half term to say that he has missed 21% of classes since January.

When I asked him about this, he told me it was just one subject hmm and that he had been missing classes because he hadn't done his homework - but that he had realised how stupid he was being and had stopped doing it. He swears that he is now up to date with all his coursework/homework. (I haven't yet checked this; today was the first day back and I simply haven't had the opportunity to call the college).

How do I handle this? My natural instinct is simply to go ballistic blush which probably won't help matters.

Because of the issue with his work, he is already having his X-Box 'rationed' - he isn't allowed to use it until after 9.00 pm, and after he has done some work. This was put in place before the issue of drugs reared its ugly head.

He goes to a lot of sleepovers at the weekend, but only occasionally has friends staying with us. The last time was Saturday night, after a (very) late return from a gig, and I know now that they were smoking a joint here at 4am in our garden angry.

I have a lot of questions:

- how do I deal with this?
- how do I discipline in regard to this?
- would grounding help? (Personally I'm doubtful)
- should I stop giving him pocket money? He doesn't yet have a job to fund himself, so I could stop him buying it (although nothing to stop him smoking stuff others have bought)
- I know the boy (who was here on Saturday night) reasonably well, and also his parents. Should I call them and talk to them about it too? (I have no idea what their reaction might be/whether they know/suspect)

He is, in the main, a 'good' boy, and should do well in his AS/A-levels, although he is not really applying himself generally. I really need to find some way to sort this out so that he can do his best in the next few months, so that he can get decent AS levels.

If anyone has any experience of this and can help me with some/any/all of these questions, I would be very, very grateful.

SecondhandRose Tue 29-May-12 20:09:43

Schizophrenia one word. Has destroyed my brothers life and many others. Teenage dope smoker. He is now 47 and is finding it harder and harder to get casual work due to his age and younger people filling the jobs.

He has no home, never married, no family, wont stay in one place for more than a few months as he is being followed. Cant hold a conversation, is anti social, rants and raves.

This is enough to put anyone off smoking any of that stuff.

SecondhandRose Tue 29-May-12 20:17:33

To add to the above message my brother has a law degree, extremely intelligent but he only manages to get menial jobs when he has an amazing brain. Mental illness from drugs has taken over his life. He refuses to claim benefits but amazingly manages to keep himself clean and tidy. His possessions are meagre. My Mum puts 200 pounds a month into his account so at least she knows he is eating. She is 81 and he is 47. Please get your children to read this. We are a normal family, he was an exceptional teenager who lost everything.

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