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Is this normal?

(10 Posts)
Justoneme Sat 23-Sep-17 20:38:47


I was wondering if anyone else had experienced this as a step-mum. I’m step-mum to 3 and have a son as well.

My step-children always seem to come to me if me and my DH are apart in the shops for instance (and other places), and they get very close which makes me feel a little surrounded, not that they are necessarily being naughty but just not giving me space. But they don’t seem to go to my DH, which he finds odd as well it’s not as if he is some ogre to them.

It’s the same if they have a question or want to know if they can have something, all too often they come to me rather than DH. Does anyone else get this, and if so why is it the case? My DH would like them to go to him as well just not sure how to approach it with the children.

Any help or comments appreciated!

SteppingOnToes Sat 23-Sep-17 20:41:18

I found this with my exes kids - for example if he got up in the morning to make a brew they would get in bed with me for a snuggle rather than go down with him. I found it nice in some ways but suffocating in others...

Justoneme Sat 23-Sep-17 20:49:51

Hi, just wondering if you know why they did that?

wheresthel1ght Sat 23-Sep-17 23:06:24

I have similar, but their mum is not a tactile person where as I am so they often come to cuddle. I do find it hard now dss is 14 as it sort of feels inappropriate but not entirely sure how to tackle it!

swingofthings Sun 24-Sep-17 08:27:48

Maybe you are more receptive to them than he is? If the three of them are reacting this way, then this is likely to be the case, they feel that you are more likely to give them attention. Maybe it's a good thing, or maybe you are giving them too much attention. Kids naturally tend to go to the person they are more likely to get what they want from!

Justoneme Sun 24-Sep-17 13:55:01

Ah ... interesting. Thanks 🙏

WashingMatilda Sun 24-Sep-17 15:57:11

I wouldn't worry too much about it, sounds like they have a happy, comfortable relationship with you and that's all we can ask for!

My step kids are the same with me, very loving and huggy, and we've been in each others lives for quite a while now.

mustresistwine Sun 24-Sep-17 17:26:16

Could it be they are close to their mum & when she's not there they default to you in the 'mum' role?

We sort of have the reverse... dss is a real daddies boy & when he goes to his Mum's she complains he is more interested in her husband (his step dad) than her. I'm inclined to think it's because he has a male main carer and so that is sort of his default/preferred setting?

Must be hard for your DH though, could he do a bit more with them to make it more 'normal' for them to approach him?

Aeriefairy Mon 25-Sep-17 15:35:33

when I was a kid, I would always ask my Mum for something before my Dad because I hoped she would say yes smile but for big decisions she would tell me to ask Dad anyway! Maybe that's what the asking part is, perhaps they think they stand a better chance of getting what they want with you?
My stepson is very snuggly with both me and his Dad, he comes into the bedroom in the morning and gets into bed with us to chat and have a cuddle, on the sofa he snuggles between us both and while out at the shops he will hold my hand sometimes more than his Dads! It just means he likes you and is obviously feeling happy and safe in your company smile

Justdontknow4321 Tue 26-Sep-17 09:04:34

My step daughter does the same thing. To the point she will follow me upstairs and pretend to go to the bathroom to see what I'm doing, then pop in and say hi and chat to me even if I'm in the middle of getting dressed!

She will come to me for everything! It can get annoying tbh when you feel like saying you were just sat on the sofa next to your dad but you have followed me to ask me to make you a drink when your dad can do that as well!

Iv put it down to the fact she was surrounded by a lot of females and not males from a young age so her default is to go to the female and I'm probably more relaxed then her dad, laid back etc so she is more likely to get a yes from me lol

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