I’m married, is my relationship with a client unhealthy?

[Helpmeseeinthedark]

Nc for obvious reasons.

I am a mum of a 4 yo DS, married DH 5 yrs ago & together for 10. Were both 31 yo

I am a cleaner to help pay the bills.

Since lockdown one of my clients is always home when I go once a week. Over the past few months I feel like the dynamic between us has changed, but it could all be in my head?

I’m there for 2 hours and we’ll easily just spend half the time or more chatting, then I’ll quickly rush round doing a bad job because I’m out out of time. He doesn’t mind. We both seem to love each other’s company

He’s recently divorced from his wife, he’s 45 yo. During the week between me going we’ll text each other about random stuff, just chatting . I hide this from hubby.

When I’m there he confides in me quite a lot about what’s going on in his life, I get the feeling he doesn’t speak to anybody properly. Just work colleagues remotely. Sometimes it verges on flirting , particularly by text message

The thing is, I fancy the pants off him & I feel SO SO guilty as my hubby is so great around the house, with DS, handles all the bills, cares about me, he’s literally a woman’s dream. Apart from out sex life whixh is almost non existent :( :(

I keep having the same thought over and over, even if I wake in the middle of the night. If my client made a pass at me I don’t know I’d be able to resist. It’s all I think about

Sounds pathetic.

Is it normal as a woman to fantasise over other men? What should I do?

[HollowTalk]

You're putting yourself in a very bad situation. If I were you I'd cancel the client.

[Thisisnotnormal69]

If I were your husband I would be devastated. How would you feel if he found out? You hide the texts so you know it’s wrong. If you truly love your husband and don’t want to break up your family then you need to stop all contact with this man and stop cleaning for him.

Btw this is a very normal beginning to an affair, and certainly seems like an emotional affair already. Life can be dull with a young child but you will destroy your family if you continue.

[AnyFucker]

duh

[IslaMann]

we’ll text each other about random stuff, just chatting . I hide this from hubby.

This says it all. You are on a slippery slope. Get off it now as the shit is about to hit a very powerful fan.

[SodaPerson]

Wow, someone has no morals....

[areyoubeingserviced]

You need to give up your job and get some counselling with your husband.
You are going down a dangerous road

[PaterPower]

If the sex is the only thing missing from your marriage then have you tried to work on that? What’s the reason it’s died?

[Bettina500]

As soon as you start hiding things you've gone into cheat territory.

The issue is your marriage. Either work on it or end it.
Your client is single and possibly lonely. But you're not available and you need to take responsibility and step away. If you can't or won't, then you need to come clean to your husband.

[grey12]

It's ok to fantasise. However I agree that it could easily go into dangerous territory. He could make a pass at you, as you're alone together... it would at the very least be awkward....

[MandB23]

I think no matter how strong a relationship is, you will always find other people attractive/interesting and maybe verge on flirting at time. The fact that you're in a pattern of hiding things, see him regularly and are thinking of him in the night tells me a boundary has been crossed. That's obvious and I'm sure you're aware of that.
The thing is - it isn't because there's anything special about this guy and you're meant to be - it's because it's something new and exciting. If you live your life looking for that, you'll never be happy and settled with anybody.
If your marriage is happy and you want it to stay that way then I think you probably know that you need to distance from this man, as others have said.
Work on your marriage (if you want to). Work on the sex life. Maybe make an effort for date nights. Put your phones away and put a film on.
We all like the thrill of a flirt and to feel desired. But it sounds like you're on a risky path and you've kind of got to stop it going any further.

[Beck30]

Dangerous territory. You are very likely to end up being tempted and if your DH finds out that's game over.

Any idea why your sex life is lacking? Why can't you talk about it and work on it with DH? If everything else between you is as solid as you suggest, that should be solvable. Doesn't sound as though there are other major problems leaving lack of sex just a symptom of broader issues?

[Josuk]

How long has your marriage been sexless?

There was another thread on here where the woman talks about dedicating all her life, time, effort, bed to her children and having found messages to another woman on her H’s phone. People commented that it was not surprising.
Equally for your H it shouldn’t be a surprise that you aren’t dead inside and have sexual feelings and fantasies. If that doesn’t have an outlet at home it has to go somewhere. You are only 31. It unlikely you can live without sex for the remainder of your life.

Have you two tried to address the lack of physical connection between the two of you?
A 31yo male with no sex drive isn’t much of anyone’s dream. Maybe as a platonic friend.

What you do with any of this is up to you really. Your client is most likely lonely - wfh is hard for so many people.

Being pragmatic - I’d say this is an easy FWB situation for the two of you, to solve both of your issues. However - those are quite difficult to keep under control, especially when you get no intimacy at home and are likely to fall for the guy.
However - if you don’t sort out sex issue at home - this is inevitable really. If not now with this guy - then with someone else later.

MN here will tell you that an honest thing is to leave first, before embarking on something else. However few people actually do it that way as it’s just too scary.

Good luck

[tattooedmummy1]

I barely made it past "I hide this from hubby". IMHO the moment you start hiding things like this from your partner is the moment you cross a line.

I think you should be cancelling this particular client and focusing on improving things at home (regards your mention of lack of sex life). Are you willing to lose everything over this?

[Aquamarine1029]

You are playing a very dangerous game. Don't be stupid and drop him as a client.

[2bazookas]

You seem hooked on romantic fiction.

In romantic fiction, when the master of the house fucks the domestic servant, she usually gets pregnant, gets sacked, or both.

HTH

[MonicaBelulaGellar]

Ignore the bitchy comments. If I was you, and I was lucky enough to have a hubby like yours I'd cancel the client. Instead of focusing on him focus on your sex life with DH. Dont ruin what you have x

[Standrewsschool]

I agree with the posts above. Once you’ve starting hiding the text,you’ve crossed the line, and strayed into emotional affair territory.

You’re probably flattered by his attention (and vice versa) and the weird times we are living in, this has been heightened. He probably represents a slight escape from everyday life.

I would cancel the job and concentrate onyourrelstiobshipeith your husband. Try to see it as a sspchoolgirl Crush.

[Standrewsschool]

On your relationship...

[MostDisputesDieAndNoOneShoots]

You’re still in control of this for now, so you should cancel this client and move on if you want your marriage to not implode as a result of an affair.

[AllyBamma]

You’re having an emotional affair. How would you feel if you found out your husband was doing what you’re doing with another woman? If he thought he wouldn’t be able to stop himself if she came into him.

Either leave your husband and let him go find happiness with someone who is loyal, or stop cleaning this guys house and never contact him again.

The choice is yours but either way, your husband WILL find out, one way or another

[Candleabra]

It's a fantasy.
Sounds like the script from a bad porno.
You know you're playing with fire.
I would resign from the job with immediate effect.

[MonClareDevole]

Cancel the client. It feels nice to have a connection, and to flirt, and to fantasise. But if this relationship progresses it would cause so much damage. No one wins. Quit while you’re ahead.

[readingismycardio]

Your husband deserves better than someone like you.

Sorry, I came here to say the exact same thing. Your client doesn't give a shit, he's divorced, he doesn't care about your marriage, but you should.

[isthismylifenow]

Skating on thin ice here OP.