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What to do now ??

(14 Posts)
Misha2011 Sat 30-May-20 19:20:36

I am a newbie at this, so never done this before, but feel I need advice, as going crazy. Been with DH, for 18 yrs(married 10)usual ups n downs, but most of the time been happy. Until the last few months, he started acting real off, lockdown started, he Has kept working, Just over a week ago, he was away for 3 days, work, came back on the Saturday, And he was acting like not himself, and I was getting suspicious, so that night while he asleep, I looked at his phone, as he always seemed to be on it recently, which I have never done before, and what I found, reduced me to a quivering wreck, there were text messages going back 8 weeks was so shocked I could barley read any of them,Between him and a woman, mostly chit chat, but the newer ones, but he had bought her , items, her thanking him, etc. Then it was thanks for the company last night. This is all in lockdown. So after the intial shock, I decided not to confront him, at that point, but to see if I could find out who she was, as there other names in the texts, assuming they were friends, so through Facebook, I narrowed it down to two possibilities, that may be connect, and also an area had been named, so then I linked a name plus an address, to the area, that had been mentioned. Few days went by, he still oblivious to what I knew, he told me he was having to work late, over two evenings, he called in mid afternoon, to grab some food, and water, and said he would call me later, around 10 pm that evening, I tried calling him, no answer, my gut was telling me he was not working !, so I got in the car, and drove to the address, yes, his car was there,, so I started honking the car horn, would loved to have seen his face, bet he crapped himself, but he never came out of the house. Was hoping I meant have got an explanation, And I hope it scared the shit out of her, and she told him to take a hike, so the problem I have now is, he has not came home, I have not called, as he would not answer the phone, so what is the point, so that was 2 days ago, no idea where he is etc, what do I do now ??

OP’s posts: |
Annettebee Sat 30-May-20 19:42:27

The fact that he didn't bother his arse coming after you speaks volumes.
Depending on your financial situation I would change the locks and get a solicitor.
I'm sorry this has happened to you flowers

Bunnymumy Sat 30-May-20 19:45:13

You divorce. He is a dirty cheat who doesnt give a diddely about anyone but himself. Consult a solicitor asap and get the ball rolling.

Treacletoots Sat 30-May-20 19:48:53

Wow brutal. But first question, why on earth do you want him back when he's so clearly cheating on you and doesn't give two shots about you.

Well done on the detective work, now have a good hard think about your course of action now because it's clear you've got to look out for yourself (and DC) first.

dancemom Sat 30-May-20 20:07:53

Do you have DC?

Misha2011 Sat 30-May-20 20:16:21

dancemom

Do you have DC?

Not living with me .

OP’s posts: |
misskick Sat 30-May-20 20:26:00

Really feel for you misha, not much advice I'm afraid just couldn't read and not comment! Give yourself time to process all of what's happened before you make any decisions! But what a bastard!

winterchills Sat 30-May-20 20:35:04

Cheating pig! Change the locks

Misha2011 Sat 30-May-20 20:58:45

As I never have imagined I would find myself in the position, so forgive my naivety, why do I need a solicitor ? And how would they help ?

OP’s posts: |
MissSmiley Sat 30-May-20 21:16:30

You only need a solicitor if you want to divorce him, only you can decide that

I wouldn't want to stay with someone who lied to me or fucked other women but it's up to you

Sweetandawfulsour Sat 30-May-20 21:30:37

He’s shown how little he values your relationship over these past 8 weeks. Having you waiting at home and not even trying to sneak his way back in under the table speaks volumes.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Try to focus on you and what you want to do. If it’s been a bland mundane relationship until now would it really be a loss if you walked away now?

Misha2011 Sun 31-May-20 06:25:19

Thanks all, you have helped me make up my mind, as to what to do next, I shall be looking for a solicitor come Monday. 😀

OP’s posts: |
BeingKindIsFree Sun 31-May-20 09:05:05

That was a quick decision.

Bunnymumy Sun 31-May-20 13:22:48

Good. Good luck.

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